Let the Sunshine In

Have you ever been somewhere~let's say shopping~and the person who waits on you is obviously not having a good day? Or hates her job? And you can tell~you can feel~their unhappiness permeating the air around you? I have started a fun game. Whenever I come across people like that I immediately let the sunshine in. I am as pleasant as I can be. The grouchier they are, the better I treat them. It has been fun to watch. Most people, if given the chance, will let happiness rub off on them. Soon they are smiling and chatting with you, and are grateful that you noticed them. If the person decides not to respond to cheer, I have to let it go and hope their day gets better. But I find that no matter the reaction I get, I am happier anyway.

I'm leaving to girls camp in the morning with some amazing people. Lovely, wonderful girls and leaders. I get nervous when I leave home with people I don't live with. I'm kind of a homebody who likes my own bed and bathroom and space. But I want lots of sunshine and happiness on this trip because it is full of opportunities to BE full of sunshine and happiness. (And there's the fact that we're going to St.George, which is very sunny to begin with.) I have high expectations that I'm hoping will squash my insecurities. I'm blessed because my whole family is taking part in camp and that right there gives me a big boost of happy. Here are a few things that also put happy in my step.

On Top of the World by Imagine Dragons

Brighter than the Sun by Colbie Callait

My family

 

Mickey Mouse!

And Speaking of Bravery....

Short and sweet, I'm so grateful to all the BRAVE, wonderful men and women who fight and have fought for my freedoms, of which I have many. I have numerous friends and family members who have served and put their lives out there to keep me safe. Thank you, I love you, I owe an enormous debt to you. In return for your sacrifice, I will be grateful every day for the freedoms I enjoy and pay it forward in kindness and good deeds.

To ALL those I have lost to death, I love and miss you. I'm grateful for the impact you've had on my life. I am blessed.

The USS Astoria-the ship my grandfather, Robert Harry Keil served on.

Some of the crew on the Astoria. This ship went down in the battle of Savo. My grandfather survived this atrocity, but many of his friends didn't. My grandfather has since passed on. I love you Gaga!

Remembering also

Chad's oldest brother, Blake   We miss you

Mark Kailing with his family

*Disclaimer* There are many people who have passed on who I love and miss.  I have not posted all of them, nor do I have pictures for many of them. They are no less missed because of this.



The Cure All

When I feel tired or stressed or overwhelmed, the first place I go after getting a hug from Chad is to my basement. My candle stash is down there. If I want to return to childhood I take a big whiff of Evergreen or Winter or Gingerbread, and suddenly I'm back at home listening to my dad's Christmas stories. If I need to feel safe and cozy I smell Caramel Praline or Pumpkin Spice to remind me of a cool Fall day when I'm all bundled up in a warm sweater with a fire in the fireplace. If I need to feel freedom and fresh air, I inhale Beach Walk or Storm Watch to transport me to the coast of Oregon or the shores of Castaway Cay in the Bahamas. I love the simplicity of time travel through sensory means.  Though I'd rather just jump on a ship and head to the Bahamas, my candle craze saves Chad lots of time and money in the long run. At least I keep trying to convince him of that.
 

My family teases me mercilessly when they find me on the floor in front of my candle shelf taking big hits of the scents that comfort me. Then I make them sit down with me and everything changes. Soon we're all down there sniffing to our hearts content.
 

I have become an internet shopper over the past few years because I have become increasingly wary of crowds and also because I LOVE hearing the UPS truck stopping in front of my house! When it comes to buying candles I can shop with the best of the internet shoppers. But there are times when I have to hit the store just for the sheer satisfaction of smelling all the glorious things that a person can capture in a candle.  Memories and comfort are my favorites, but start smelling and you can be your own judge.

Some of my favorite sites to look at...

http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/home/index.jsp

 

http://www.yankeecandle.com/

Brave

I've heard it said something to the effect that bravery isn't the absence of fear-it is facing your fear. I agree whole-heartedly with that and at times have felt I have faced my fears only because there is no other choice. Sometimes we get through trials because we have to; meaning we can shrivel up in defeat or move forward because there are others depending on us. In the end, I feel it is the fact that others are depending on us that literally saves us. Having someone need us gives us drive and endurance and reasons to get ourselves up out of bed each morning. I think God was very wise to surround us with people who need us.

This week I have mourned about various things. I have mourned the loss of a great man and especially mourned for his surviving family. I know Mark is doing wondrous things in Heaven~ he proved that within hours of his passing. I'm grateful for the tender mercies that God always has ready for us. I have worried about family members who are facing personal hardships or trying to heal both physically and mentally. I have felt such sympathy for the people in Oklahoma and the losses they must feel. My heart broke for a friend who had her faith  in mankind tested while she was with her family in Las Vegas. I could easily let myself fall into despair as I worry about others. There was a day I wanted to call in to work so I could sit home and worry some more. Gratefully, there were 600 children at my school who needed me to come fulfil my duties. I'm grateful to each one of them for pulling me out of myself and giving me a song in my heart. Honestly, having my wonderful family to wake up to each morning gives me drive to go and live and be better. I love that.

Sometimes being brave means facing a new day. Other times it is much more drastic. Sometimes it means facing a crowd and sometimes it means being alone. It means facing loss, and in the end accepting it (not to be confused with getting over it.) It means standing up for what is right and proclaiming truth. Sometimes just living is being brave. I'm so grateful for my reasons to be brave, and for my role models who show me what bravery is.

Sara Barielles Brave   this song made me brave today after watching one of my heroes be brave

A picture my Meghan found for me today~to help me be brave

God Help us All

I have a group of beautiful,wonderful, talented young women that I am so blessed to work with in my church. They amaze me with their kindness and strength. I enjoy myself immensely when I'm with them and they can brighten my day instantly with their sweet smiles or texts or comments. I am always trying to encourage them to speak up and share their thoughts and ideas. Sometimes it's easier to get them to talk than others...but I always love them dearly!

I have always been afraid to speak up. I've always been sure someone else has better ideas than mine, or that I will unintentionally hurt or upset someone, or that my comments won't be received well. Sometimes I know I'm being prompted to speak yet I still hold back because of those fears. It's something I've been working hard on for the last few years. I think I'm doing a little better although I can rarely express adequately what is in my heart.

Today my heart is full of love and hurt and sympathy. I know there is not a thing in the world I could say to ease the pain of today. My sweet friend who has been my friend for over two decades is in pain. LaDena has been living a true love story with Mark. They have been married for 20 years. She lost her sweet husband last night. He needed to go. He has been the epitome of a warrior as he has battled cancer and fought to stay with his family as long as he can. But he was tired and worn out. I can imagine well how torn sweet LaDena was as she loved him enough to let him go, but loved him too much to lose him. I'm amazed at the strength her entire family has shown for the three years they have endured this trial. But I know they are hurting beyond any words or comprehension. What do you say to someone who has endured something horrific and then had their heart torn right out of their chest from loss? I have no words. I only have feelings. I hurt beyond all reason for them. I love them, I'm praying for them. I admire them. I give them permission to rant and hurt and cry and process as long as they need to. I offer all the love I have.

In the end I know in my heart of hearts that only God Himself can ease this pain for LaDena, her family and all of us who love them. He is the solace in the chaos. I pray His love, His mercy, and all the comfort and miracles He can bestow on them will carry them through this grief.

D&C 68:6  Wherefore be of good cheer and do not fear for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you.

Music Speaks to Me

I've been sitting in the kitchen with my 14 year old daughter, Meghan. She found an awesome website with lots of amazing music on it. We've been reveling in Disney, Imagine Dragons, Kelly Clarkson, and some great 80's music. I am enjoying myself immensely. Part of that is due to the simple delight of being with Meghan, and the other part is that I love music. It speaks to me.

I grew up with some talented sisters who were musically inclined. I was always jealous. I tried singing for awhile but was only mediocre~my enthusiasm for music did nothing to improve the sound of my voice. I was dragged to more concerts and performances than any child should have to put up with, but as I look back I am saddened and even ashamed that I didn't realize the magic I was being exposed to. Of course as a teenager I found myself identifying with all kinds of music and loved everything from the sappiest love song to the rowdiest headbanger song to the weirdest "new wave" song. Anything I was feeling I could find a song to go with it.

And we all know how I feel about Christmas music. Anytime. Anywhere. Except Halloween.

Now as an adult I find myself more emotionally involved in music than ever. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It feeds my soul. It clarifies my thoughts. It bonds me to the people I care about. It connects me to Heaven.  I think music is a forever thing. I kind of like that idea.

Being Human

In all the confusion of living everyday life, I'm always grateful for the things that are unchangeable and true. For instance, diet and nutrition parameters change as quickly as fashion fads, and it frustrates me to no end to hear that one thing is good for me one minute and bad for me in the next. The truth in  all of it has always been that moderation in all things is good for you and your body. Control yourself and barring any health problems, for the most part you can stay healthy.

Another truth that I find myself grateful for is that we, as humans can learn, and relearn. That may sound tiresome to learn something again, but being human makes me very forgetful. Of knowledge, of feelings, of truth and of experiences. To be reminded of them again or to realize the importance of things can be wonderful. Sometimes refreshing my memory recharges me. It keeps me on my toes. Sometimes remembering keeps me from repeating past mistakes. And other times I have to relearn because I DO make the mistake again.

A truth I have learned of and known my entire life is that we, as humans have an eternal connection. I love that. It rings true to me. I'm grateful for it. I admit that it helps me to not judge myself quite so harshly for how easily I love others. Last night I was reminded of eternal connections and am ever so grateful for the people who recognize them. I think if we humans would recognize what kindred spirits we all are it would change the world as we know it and make it a much better, much happier place.

Learning to open our hearts is something we have to continually relearn and revisit. We resist it; probably because past experiences sometimes teach us that opening up makes us vulnerable and at times we get hurt. I feel that the joy~even for a moment~of loving someone and letting them in my heart far outweighs the hurt. Even if it takes awhile to get over the hurt. I'm grateful for my chances to be reminded to open my heart and let love in. It makes my life better. EVERY time.

Some of my favorite things I've learned-and relearned

 

 

 

 

The Whole Gamut

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm emotional and I cry at anything from Christmas commercials to children's concerts to holding new babies. My poor children just had to endure me crying at an elementary school choir concert when the kids sang "Rainbow Connection" and "You Raise Me Up". I cry when I'm sad but I also cry alot when I'm happy or when my heart is touched. While I've shed some tears of sadness in the past couple of weeks, I have also been touched in many ways by goodness and kindness. I've been all over the map with my emotions.  And I realize that in the midst of sadness there is almost always someone you can find to lift you or at least understand you.

I have mourned for dear friends who are enduring loss of so many kinds, but I have watched people reach out to them and that calms my heart. That's what it's all about. While I admire goals that are met  and accomplishments that are attained by all those around me I think the greatest ones I want to be known by are showing kindness to others and being a light to any extent I can. I have so much light given to me every day through the grace of great people. I want to pass it on, pay it forward, and give it back, make a difference, brighten a day, show some love.

If you need a little light today, hopefully this will give you even a flicker. Carry on.

Right over my neighbor's house

Outside my front door

Over the Atlantic Ocean

Leaving Nassau, Bahamas

 

 It's a Small World at Christmas (2012)

 

Sending off floating sky lanterns on Christmas Eve 2012

Ch ch ch changes...

I have never been one to like or embrace change. I like comfort. I like knowing what's coming next. I like continuity. Life changes so rapidly. I get many chances to learn  change happens and it can be a good thing.

I've had my hair the same way for 15 years. Same cut, same variation of blonde, same length. I lightened my hair quite a bit last night. It's about the same color as it was while I was growing up, but much lighter than it has been since I started having children. After washing  it this morning, I trimmed it. Then cut 3 inches off. Then cut bangs in, and layered it heavily. I alarmed myself at how fast I kept those scissors going once I started. I look different.  I was very amused all day at the reactions I got. It was everything from, "You're hot!" (from a 4th grader) to "Something is different about you." to "You look younger." to "I think I'm in love with you now." (from a 1st grader) to "I didn't know who you were." I kept reflecting on how happy it made me to be able to say, "It's still me, Heather." I'm still me. And I'm okay with this change. I accept it, embrace it, and even love it.

I'm trying to learn that change is okay. Sometimes it's better than it was before. Sometimes it's just different. Sometimes it causes heartache but it can also bring joy. It certainly causes growth. New friends, different schools, varied schedules, modified ward boundaries...I'm happy to say I've made it through these and more, and though they have taken some adjustment, I have been able to see blessings in each one of them. Life really is good. It just scares me to death. But I'm working on it.

Me and my honey-today

November 2011

 

Quiet in Beautiful Places

It's very late at night and my family is asleep. I am wide awake out on my back porch. From my back porch, in the daylight, I can see the glorious Ben Lomond Peak. It rises above us in all it's majesty. Chad had always told me he wanted to live at the base of Ben and we do. It's a blessing. It's a solid presence in our ever changing world. I'm hoping that being out here in the night with a cool breeze blowing and stars in the sky, I can find a little peace and clarity in my thought process. It's amazing to me that when I can't seem to breathe because my thoughts are eating me alive, there are places right outside my door that I can go to take in fresh air and feel the love God has for me through nature. It's right there waiting if we take the time to go look and be in it. I'm grateful that peace can be found in small things (or big mountains!)

 

Our Family (squinting) on a Ben Lomond Peak hike in 2003

Ben Lomond from my back porch

Traveling up the street towards our house-Ben Lomond in winter

 

 

Dreams Come True!

A visual tribute to the reasons that being a mother is the best job ever invented. I love my girls!

 

The Example of a Righteous Woman

The creation of a woman

was the crowning, and final,

and most glorified moment

of human creation.

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I read this on Facebook today and it really struck me as something everyone should know and every woman should feel. I am blessed to have a husband that has always treated me with kindness, respect and even awe. I have never felt the need for him to see me with awe but when I look  at the strong, kind, caring, beautiful, selfless and amazing women I am surrounded with in my own life I also feel awe. I have had wonderful role models in my life from the second  I was passed from heaven into my beautiful mother's arms. I only hope I can be as strong a role model to those around me as I have had in my life. God bless women and God blesses women.