I was born with it. It is part of me whether I want it or not (and I ALWAYS do.) I couldn't stop it if I tried to. It's an integral part of my makeup. I can't escape it. I don't want to. It is ever present and very persistent even in the worst of times. I'm proud to own it and grateful I was blessed with it. It has saved me. It has caused some to mock me. But it is my gift and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is FAITH.
Faith in God. Faith in good. Faith in miracles. Faith in happy outcomes. Faith in magic and things that are unexplainable. Faith in Santa Claus, Sasquatch, unicorns and fairies. Faith in people. Faith that people can change. Faith in silver linings, life changing instances, angels on earth, and that life should be lived to its FULLEST. Faith in promises. Faith that there is beauty in ALL things.
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| Faith in this rising generation |
But my whole life, the one thing have struggled immensely and intensely to have faith in....is me.
I have always tried to convince myself it is humility. It's good to be humble, right? In truth it can be a character flaw, and there have been times I drive people crazy with my self doubt. I don't mean to. I have worked on trying to believe in myself for as long as I can remember. I have 2 tanks for fuel-one of them is enormous...it is full of purpose and light, all ready to hand out and distribute to everyone around me. The other tank is small. I think it's expandable but it doesn't get a ton of use. It's very hard for me because I don't have a very big tank to store any of my achievements or good outcomes in. So they don't last very long. The first time I tender a faux pas or face disappointment in myself, my meter returns to zero and leaves me starting from scratch to build my reserves again. I am not complaining. I am so very blessed with moments and people that work towards showing me what I am capable of and what my talents and qualities are. But I am the first to admit that I forget them too easily.
You see, when I see you, when I see any human, from any walk of life, I see potential beyond anything you can imagine. I see hope, I see good, I see talent. I see a person who can change the world. You tell me anything bad about yourself...I can counteract it with a redeeming quality. You act out of line, and I will find a reason you may be acting that way, and try to help you work for a better way so that you can be who you are meant to be. Some call it making excuses. I call it seeing the good. Some call it pandering. I call it having faith. I have faith in the human race. Because I have so much in everyone around me, I guess sometimes it's hard for me to believe there is any left for me. So I doubt. I feel small. I feel insignificant. And for the most part I am content with that. I am content to let others have the spotlight. I am content to stand in the background and lend support. But I realize that balance is needed in life and I, too, have to find something good and redeemable in myself or my purpose has no meaning. If I can't place faith in myself, what benefit will I be to others? To be credible, I have to walk the walk. So I search.
The amazing thing about having faith in a loving God is that it lends me with the knowledge that He is working on my behalf and wanting my success. Because of this, He sends angels and experiences to help me catch glimpses of who I can be-I can see a small part of what He sees in me with the acts of kindness and hope that He sends to me every day. It never fails that when I am at the end of my rope, feeling hopeless and alone, I am lifted by another of my fellow amazing humans, who I see the best in every day. Someone invariably comes along to lend a hand, shower me with love, give words of encouragement and comfort, and light the way for me to see myself the way my loving Father in Heaven would want me to. Just as I want my children to see all the good in themselves, He wants each of us to see the good He places in us as well.
The last two years, especially, have been hard and disconcerting. I have to rebound often and rally as quickly as possible. I am surrounded by many who face tough things in every aspect of life. I want to be part of the lifting and healing and building back up. And daily, constantly, moment by moment, I receive fragments of hope. Angels attend me. The good in me is pointed out. Belief in me is expressed. Then I pay it forward. And of course, I am grateful.
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| Pieces of hope and love that fill my soul and give me faith. |
