Amendment

This will be short and sweet....I was quite happy with my last blog about the past being the past. I need to tell my self that very thing on a very regular basis so that I can continue to move forward.

Blessings from my past that continue to stay with me. I love you my family!

BUT...there are a few things I need to add.

-The things in my past that have caused pain have also been filled with great life lessons, lots of love, blessings, miracles, and amazing people. As I said, there is pain included in these scenarios, but the pain is something I try really hard not to focus on. I just wanted to acknowledge that pain is often a part of the past, that loss never really leaves, and that it is a normal part of life whether making mistakes or not.

-I do not, and I repeat, DO NOT blame anyone or any experience in my life for any mistakes that I made. I take ownership, and though some of my mistakes caused pain for the people that I love, these people were not the cause for anything that I did or experienced. I wish desperately that no one else had ever had to feel any kind of sting from my decisions, but I am ever so grateful for the people that have continued to love, support and encourage me during every part of my life. Thank you for helping me to know who I could become.

-I am grateful for the past. It has taught me so very much. I am grateful for the love that has stuck with me from the past. Joy can be had from things of the past. And remembering the past is okay. Living in it is not.

Amended.

The Past.....is just that

The past month has given me much to think about with the passing of loved ones and all the other happenings that crop up in a life.  I have waxed very philosophical in recent days.

Many things affect a life, the past being one of them. But there is only one way the past should affect a human life. The past is there to teach us. That's it. It should not haunt us or define us. The past is just that . Who we are, what we do, and what we make of ourselves begins now, and has nothing to do with what we did, but the information we have from what we did helps us to know what to do next.

This is a very simple concept, but for some reason there are many of us humans that cannot get beyond the fact that you can't change the past. There is no going back. Yet we repeatedly go over our scenarios and beat ourselves up over them. No amount of reliving them will ever change what they are. No amount of self-flagellation will turn them into something else.

Now I know this will come as a huge surprise to many, but I was once very immature and made dreadful mistakes and misjudgments. Okay, maybe I still get immature and mess up, but I like to think I have grown from my experiences. I quite like who I have become. I am a wife and mother, a friend and neighbor, a dental assistant and paraprofessional in education. I know how to work hard, I learn quickly, I am a good listener, and a great empathizer. I am responsible, I love to care for others and help where I can. I finally like myself, and it has taken a lot of work to get here. But bring up my past, and I feel like a guilt-ridden, insecure, ready to fail person that I thought I was as a teenager. I immediately retreat to who I was, not who I AM. The paradox in this is that I have always been a good, kind, caring person, but I made mistakes that forced me into decisions that were life-altering and painful. But ones that I cannot change, no matter how desperately I want to. It has been brutal to live with my past. Pain from loss never leaves a person. You never get over it. You learn how to live with it. And even when the sun peeks over the hills to brighten the situation, the pain is still a very present component. But oh have I learned. I have learned to love deeper, I have learned to be strong, I have learned how to give. I have learned who to depend on, and where true strength lies, and that I do have strength beyond what anyone else can see in me. I have learned that the things I have experienced may help someone else, and that is invaluable.

To coin a very overused phrase, I have learned that when it comes to the past, I have to let it go. My baggage doesn't need to weigh me down, but the fact that I traveled can build me up.

Because as of this minute, and then the next, and the next, I can decide who I am. And what happened just a minute ago is in the past. I am going to leave it there, and be grateful.

****Please read the next blog entry that goes with this piece- Amendment. http://paisleyglasses.blogspot.com/2015/07/amendment.html
I'm hoping it will tie in well to this one.****

Climb Every Mountain

Friday night I was able to attend a glorious concert at Temple Square that featured the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra and highlighted a special guest from Broadway, Laura Osnes. It was positively delightful. The choir and orchestra were perfection as always, and Laura sang with the voice of an angel. I enjoyed the environment and emotion of great music to the very depths of my soul. And my soul needed filling.

The Mike Summers Family at the Conference Center

In the past couple of weeks, both Chad and I have lost our beautiful, wonderful maternal grandmothers; the last living grandparent for each of us. It has to be said that both Vera Pinson (Chad's grandmother) and Sarah Keil (my grandmother) lived long, happy, productive, service filled, saturated with love existences. The legacy each of these women left behind is incredible, and the heritage of each of our families is rich in goodness, charity, integrity, and wisdom. The most incredible part of all this is that this didn't end within the confines of each family name. It continued through the joining, sharing, and growth of both families-through both sides and also intertwined with each other. This love and this legacy has continued to grow, and has the power to grow exponentially, as is God's plan. The love didn't end when these grandmothers died, but it will surely grow as their generations move forward and keep sharing that love.

My grandmother, Sarah with her husband Robert-
they are with each other once again!

Chad's grandmother, Vera

So while our families buried these precious women this week, and the goodbyes were not easy to say, we feel the never-ending and ever growing legacy of love that they left behind here, and are continuing in Heaven. We, their posterity have the honor of sharing and giving this love beyond the borders of last name or generation, as we intertwine families with many connections together as one. And it is our belief that we may all be together as one family in Heaven-each of us in our families made into one of God's big, eternal families. How cool.

My cute little family headed down to Salt Lake for the big night

And cooler still that in the middle of all this, the REASON I got to attend this concert was my wonderful family celebrating my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. That is a big, happy, inspiring deal!! Their union was the beginning of  generations of families that have included the Claytons,Winwards, Wilcoxs, Nivisons, Saunders and now Rippons. The love extends and continues to add and bring families even closer into one.

Our ever growing family celebrating at Bellas

As I sat and listened to the music of the night,  I pondered the lives of our grandmothers and how blessed I have been by them. Sarah and Vera's lives touched so far beyond what even we as their family can see. Laura and the choir sang Climb Every Mountain from the Sound of Music towards the end of the program and it really struck me that these women did just that. They climbed and they are now at the top of their highest mountains, ready  to step foot into the next big adventure beyond this life.  And I am grateful.