Gimme Gimme

I know. That sounds selfish, Right? We do live in a very selfish world. And I would fit right in running around saying "Gimme" all the time. But let's look at it in a different way. 

..........in a minute.

Make no mistake-I fully understand that I live a charmed, blessed life, and I am ALWAYS grateful that I do. I am not rich, I am average in many, many ways. But I like the middle of the road and am content with who I am and what I have to offer the world. I have everything I need, and many wants as well. I hope to always be worthy of all I have been given. I never want to lose appreciation, because if I am not honoring the source of all my blessings, I know they can be taken away at a moments notice. In reality, many things we treasure in our lives are taken away or changed without warning. But it is what it is. Life. I still believe that by acknowledging the provider of all of our blessings helps our maker be more willing to continue to bless us. So this I do. I thank God. For everything. 

Kind gestures

Meaningful things

The warmth of a daughter's hand in yours

Glorious rays

Beautiful paintings in the sky

Treasures just left on my desk

Fun times

My heritage, America, and Patriotism

I  have had my share of trials and heartaches as well. Everything from cancer to heart issues to heart break to disappointments-big and small. Like anyone else. The last few years have been extra hard, and I know most people can relate to this. I am not good at feeling trapped. In ANY way. Behind things (let the hyper-ventilating commence.)  In small areas. In a situation that is hard. In a room full of bad juju. In a cave. In a bad relationship. In a time of recovery. In a sick body. In messes that are not my own doing.  In messes of my own doing. Between two sides of an issue. In CONFINEMENT of any kind. Being trapped is my worst fear. I have bungled down this road of feeling trapped for a long time now. And I am weary. So maybe knowing that about me will help you understand the strange position I am in every summertime when I am done with work until school starts in the fall. Hopefully it makes sense. 

I absolutely love my job. I adore the people I work with. I adore the children I serve.
I love the environment. I HATE being sick and having to miss work. After the first day at home, if I have to miss any more work to get well it sends me into a tailspin. I try to be aware of others, and sometimes stay home an extra day to make sure there is no chance of me passing it on to someone else. I am not useful at home or anywhere else when I am in a state of sickness, and I feel like I am just waiting for time to pass while I am missing life. It's okay. I get through it. But let me say again. I love my job and I love to be there. My job and I were made for each other. I revel in it-and yes, I get tired in it-but I love being there. Then comes summer. 

When my girls were little and all the way up until they graduated,  I LIVED for summer. For vacation days. For any holiday they were out of school and I could spend time with them. I hated sending them back because I just wanted more time with them. I was NOT the parent who was excited to send my kids back to school. I just wanted to be a mom and make memories. Then my children grew up. They finished school. And guess who the only person in our house is who gets the summer off? Yup. It's me. I get to look forward to 3 months in a quiet house, biding the time until someone gets off work and comes home, or I get to go somewhere and live a little. 

They grew up in the blink of an eye!

I am not complaining. I realize what a blessing this is. I get more done in my house in a summer than I do the rest of the year while I'm working. I do projects. I clean like nobody's business. I cook more. I take late night walks. I visit my mom. I help people with projects. I hammock on the overpass. I exercise more-and better! I go to theme parks. I take little vacations. I see my girls. But it's not the same. I am lonely. So here comes the gimme. 

Gimme (I really can't say that a million times, so give me...), please,  time with the people I love. Give me experiences to treasure. Give me the freedom to travel, to wander, to take in as much of this planet as I can while I exist on it. Give me the calm to get through any situation and the perspective to see what I have in front of me instead of the things I miss. Give me inspiration to help those around me while I have the time to do so. Give me discernment in deciding which tasks are most important, and which ones don't matter. Give my ever racing mind the ability to slow down and ponder, appreciate, and relax. Give me the ability to slow myself down and re-energize for next school year. Give me the ability to touch lives in a way that lasts, to find ways to BE WITH people I love, and to be able to make moments happen.  Give me focus. Give me strength. Give me understanding of everyone around me. Give me peace. Give me CALM. That's all. Not much to ask for, right?

In the grand scheme of things, things are not what I am after. Oh, they are fun, but experiences are all we take with us.I want to appreciate to the fullest the time I do have that I know not everyone gets. I do want a better economy, clearer heads ruling the nations, less hate, and more love, but there's only so much of it that is in my hands. So for now, I am hoping to have at least a few of the things that I mentioned to come to fruition for me. I know we can't have everything we ask for. Nobody gets that. But with an open heart and a drive to do and see goodness, I am hoping that my creator will see fit to bless me with these needs of the heart. And I will be SO grateful! 

YES.. It's THAT important!