Pain Management

I  had a doctor tell me once that every human lives with some degree of pain every day. At first it really surprised me, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew he was right. I'm not going to be that person who makes a list of my ailments for you-not for another 50 years, but I have a sizeable yet surviveable list of things my physical body has to get through regularly. It may be that some of that pain lives in hearts and that makes his statement more of a truth to me. As my heart is connected to the rest of me, I do have pain. Every single day. I love. I care.

 

I thought we were done. I thought we had gotten through this part of this trial. Not so. Not yet. Life really is pain. Then there's the pain of being human- of  having a heart and a soul. Sometimes I think heartache is as bad as any pain out there. But there is also hope. I choose to cling to it.

Humans hurt each other. It's a fact of life. It happens every day. Sometimes because of carelessness, sometimes because we feel like we can fix it later, sometimes because we feel we just have to get something off our chests. We assume. We misunderstand. We see the bad instead of the good. We get offended.   We react. I know I have hurt people without EVER intending to. I say the wrong thing. I give the wrong impression. I give the wrong look. I look for the good in people and it looks like I'm defending their actions instead of siding with the one who is worried. I try to give advice that someone doesn't want. I try to give a different viewpoint. I say things out of fear and anxiousness. I know people will make decisions, thinking they are doing the best thing for someone, and then it backfires. I would venture a guess that at least most of the time, most humans never aim to cause pain. It's part of the human condition. We have a hard time understanding each other. We are all different. Our brains connect things differently- brains process in the ways each of us learn best. Our hearts take things literally. And then they hurt.

There is a cure. I have ALWAYS declared that love conquers ALL, and I will vehemently defend this ideal to my dying breath. But forgiveness is the ingredient that assures that love will truly save the day. I know.  I make it sound simple. It's not. But it's achievable. Even the worst heartache can be cured if forgiveness is present.  How can I say that? How can I declare it can happen? All I have to do is remember I SCREW UP TOO. I need forgiveness. It kills me when I don't have it. But because I know I mess up all the time, it helps me to remember that so does everyone else.

Let me give a simple example. Road rage. Wait...I mean road frustration. (That sounds a little softer, doesn't it?) Someone pulls out in front of you, even though there is a mile of empty road behind you, and then they don't even have the courtesy to step on it. Or someone cuts you off in traffic. Or slams on their brakes. Or signals after  the lane change. Do I get frustrated? Well sure. But then I realize I make mistakes too. Maybe ones I never realize I made. Maybe I was distracted or worried and forgot to turn on my blinker and then I made someone else mad. Would I rather be flipped off or have the other person understand that I'm not perfect? I think you know the answer. Besides, when I do get flipped off in traffic, it makes me cry and it takes hours for me to get over being flipped off by someone I don't even know. Any who.....my point is, I need forgiveness and understanding that I am human, so I want to give that gift to others too. I can forgive because I want to be forgiven. I don't want the pain of  the weight that holding a grudge can give. I don't want the turmoil. I don't want the poison. I want freedom. So I forgive. And I ask to be forgiven. Then life holds less pain. Love saves the day. Hope anchors the soul. And I am grateful.

Skeletons In My Closet

We all have them. Skeletons. Inside. Yet people are alarmed and amused that I have picked up an affinity for skulls and skeletons. No apologies here. The more life teaches me, the more I love them, because skeletons and skulls prove that we are all the same on the inside.



Little ole me

And yes, I've got a skeleton inside-
just like you

I mean really...what differentiates us from each other? Mostly outside appearances...and other than the features and bodies we came with, everything else is adornment. Clothes, makeup, jewelry-additions we make to our lives by our own choosing and our own pocketbooks. Even our homes and cars are not representations of who we are. They are additions to our likes and interests, but not really to our souls and minds-our skeletons. We all got here the same way. Born with bodies and skeletons-and hearts, yes our hearts. We are all the same on the inside. Where it counts. So I want to make it count for something good. I want my inside to be prettier than my outside. And while I will continue to make sure I always have mascara and earrings on, and that I wear my skull apparel and fun pairs of shoes, I hope my insides will be more noticeable than what I put on.

Still me

Sugar skulls are my favorite. But I love the whole skeletal system. I love apparel with skeletons-not the bloody, gory, scary ones-but the "bare bones" of our skeletons. They remind me as well that everyone harbors skeletons...inside their closets.  It's kind of a human privilege-a rite of passage to have things we keep behind closed doors-accessible to only those who know us best. Things that have happened to us, things we regret, feelings we can't convey, situations that have hurt us, or things that we have no control over. Those are the ones that eat away at me-the ones I can't control. The past is the past to me, but the things that crop up in the present that I can't change or do anything about are the ones that feel like regrets. Oh, I know we're each going to walk up to the (hopefully) Pearly Gates someday with our little bundles of mistakes and regrets. Those things are a part of life-and one there is no escaping them for anyone, although one would hope a good thing might come from those mistakes. Mistakes are learning material. Realizing you cannot change the past is a very freeing concept. The only thing to do with a mistake is learn from it. I want to put that learning to good use and when I can't it makes me crazy.

A frustration of mine is knowing I am learning, and trying to put what I have learned into practical use, and then being hampered in that endeavor. I always feel a need to pay it forward with the lessons I learn. But there are times I don't get that opportunity. Sometimes it is taken from my grasp. Sometimes I have to show that others are more important to me in that moment..which hurts because everyone who knows me has a part of my heart and I want to share it. But sometimes it's just not the time. Sometimes others have to grow as well, and they are growing at a different rate, or in a different area than I am. Sometimes others are not ready to accept what I have to offer. Sometimes my routes to others not accessible and I have to show patience until I can get to those people again. It's all a balance between learning and sharing, and having the patience to wait until it is right to pay it forward. But it won't stop me from trying.

Grateful for these bones in me. The bones that tie us together as humans. These bones that cage my heart into my chest and that while they protect my heart, it can still be used. And be used for beautiful things. No skeletons in my closet are going to keep me from moving forward-but I sure hope this skeleton in me will keep loving and keep banding people together-because without the adornments we're all just a bag of bones with the chance to make a difference. And I am grateful.