I Can See Clearly Now

I do not get angry very easily. Frustrated, yes. Anxious, of course. Irritated, sometimes. But it takes a lot to get me to the point of actually being angry. Well last Friday I finally made it to destination angry.  It didn't help that I'd been sick all week and hadn't had a moment to rest and feel better. By Friday morning I desperately needed rest. And clarity.

I love my job. I love the things I am able to do in a day. I love the people I interact with. I feel blessed in what I do. Sometimes, though, I feel that education in our country is thwarted by outside interests and parties who really don't understand the inner workings of what education is. It's more than just teaching concepts and testing on them. To educate fully and appropriately takes a personal and vested interest in who is being educated.  My FAVORITE part of my job is that personal interest. Each time I am able to show children that I CARE about them, it makes it easier for me to teach them. That in turn makes learning a positive and lasting  process rather than a test score.  Sometimes I feel we are taking away all the personal aspects of teaching and replacing it with paperwork and efficiency. Ugh.

Anyway, this, among other issues was all hitting me hard. Things that I am usually able to work past started getting to me. I started feeling unappreciated and tired. I felt like I was working myself into the ground for a cause that no one else seemed to be worried about. My anger was situational, but felt real. I started hunting for someone to lay my frustrations on. Blessedly, no one was in my path.

The moment of clarity came quite literally through a student on an angel's errand. While correcting papers I came across the spelling sentences this child had written with the spelling words underlined. They looked like this:

6. God made you.

7. He is number one.

Talk about perspective being restored. Those two sentences restored me and reminded me what I am really doing in my job. I am honored to be among angels every day. TO receive hugs and words of wisdom from them. TO watch them grow and develop. TO assist in their learning. TO care for them and be a part of building their self esteem and confidence. I realized what was really important. And I was grateful.

 

 

 

 

 

Vulnerability Clause

I learned something important today. More like realized, I guess. I realized that EVERYone is vulnerable. Maybe that should be innate knowledge, but it hit me hard today. It became real.

I'm somewhat frightened of life in general. I try to be brave. But I know how vulnerable I am on so many levels. Sometimes I talk myself into thinking that I'm probably the most insecure, the most afraid, the most frightened of anyone around me and that everyone else must have either an easier life than I do, or that they must be so much stronger than I am. Although I try to get through my trials with as much grace as possible, I know that I fall short. I want to be someone who makes life look easy. I want to be a conqueror of fear. I want to ALWAYS show gratitude no matter what I might be facing. I look around me and see fearless leaders and conquerors.  My knee jerk reaction is to feel inadequate, but my goal is to look at them and gain strength myself.

I am blessed to have powerful people in my life. I feel I was blessed today to see that these people are also human. A little insecure, a little frightened, in need of encouragement. Just like me. That insight became something precious for me to tuck away and pull out when I'm feeling small. Hopefully I can use it to look outside of myself and remember we all come with a "vulnerability clause". At the same time, I have to believe we all have the ability to get past our vulnerabilities and work towards our strengths. Knowing others have insecurities doesn't make me think less of them~it helps me to empathize and understand them better. I love those a~ha moments! They help me to LIVE.

Just Breathe

I'm learning the value of just breathing. Not just taking breath into my lungs to keep me physically alive, but taking the breath of life into my heart to keep me calm and realizing how precious life is.  Breathing life in, breathing stress and emotional exhaustion out.

I'm finding that if I inhale deeply and just notice all things right in the world, my breath comes much easier to me.

Just a few things I've "breathed" in today:

The air is cooler. It gives me hope. I'm feeling better about every situation in life largely because of the fact that I'm not melting as quickly anymore.

We've had some rain! I love rainy days. Especially when it has been so hot for so long.

People heal. Because of other people.

The sunsets at this time of year are phenomenal.

 

 

 

 

 

I've been married for 21 1/2 years and Chad still loves me!

My girls have made a name for themselves by being kind. As a mother, I can imagine no higher compliment.

There is still so much good left in the world. I love the days when I don't have to look very hard to find it.

Things get better. They always change. It very well could be worse. I'm happy my life is mine.

Life is good. People around me work every day at  making it good. I'm blessed that it is.

Little Things

I saw a rainbow over the playground before school on Tuesday morning. All the kiddos were pointing and showing me how beautiful it was. It was a great way to start the day. It helped me when I thought of its beauty through the remainder of my day.

I realize that little things like that are what get me through each day, and make each moment livable. Last night the sky was all shades of blue, purple, orange and pink. It was stunning. I stopped to stare at it for just a moment even though I was rushing out to the garbage can with a precious load of refuse. The fire in the sky slowed me down , gave me peace, and showed me it's wondrous self in all it's glory.

Then there's the note a sweet 2nd grader brought out to me on the playground just to tell me how much she loves  me and thinks I'm awesome!

 



I loved the time I got to spend with my Beehive class laughing and sharing ideas. It was so fun and heartwarming. There were many fun little moments.

 

And the hug I got from my Meghan as she showed me her new, brace-free teeth. What a gorgeous smile. And a great hug.

So many little things make life worth living. The big things are just a bonus. In celebration of the little things in life, here's my little list of just some of them....

 

Holding Chad's hand while watching TV

A thunder storm

Warm chocolate chip cookies

A hug...or two, or 3, or 10

A heartfelt thanks

The smells of Fall

Looking forward to an occasion

Sitting in a clean house

Getting the mail

Friends

Hearing one of my favorite songs

New opportunities

Watching fireworks

Freshly painted toenails

Sleeping in on a rainy morning

A great deal (and CLEARANCE is even better!)

Drying after a shower with a freshly laundered towel

A phone call from Chad during work hours

Getting to see my mom and dad

A trip to Taco Bell

Knowing I'm making a difference~even to one person

Making fun plans

Crossing things off of a to-do list

Fridays

Watching my family enjoy something that I've cooked for them

Knowing I'm loved

 

 





There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters

Though I need to specifically make a blog post about each of my beautiful sisters, I need to take a small moment today to just be grateful for them~Sarah Jane, Amy and Bethany.


Me, Sarah Jane, Amy
Bethany

I haven't lived a perfect life. Growing up, our family experienced many ups and downs but the overall feeling we had was one of great love and joy. I've talked about my parents, who are wonderful people and good examples. My sisters are the amazing apples that didn't fall far from the tree.

While talking to Amy last week, she reminded me how we were brought up with kindness and caring values instilled in us. This was not only taught by word, but also in deed. IN everything my parents did, we saw their love for mankind and their desire to help everyone around them. It made for a great sense of community wherever we were. My parents still get letters and visitors from all over the country in various places where they touched hearts and made forever friends.

Now WE are blessed to be parents and hand down those same ideals to our children. It's so rewarding to watch your child take part in caring for someone else. It's even more inspiring to know it comes so naturally to your child, because it was taught and practiced in the home. So my gratitude is great as I see the blessings of growing up in the loving family I did. I'm happy that I have 3 sisters who have shown me the meaning of perseverance, kindness, strength, faith, love, and charity. I'm grateful to pass those things down to our posterity and keep the goodness going.

Lastly, I'm so grateful to share with my sisters. We share values, the love of Christmas, Bing Crosby, snow, and Johnny Mathis. The joy of family, the dislike of feet, the thrill of a great lightning storm, the laughter that comes from the embellishment of great stories, passion for music and great books, and the love that only sisters share!

Bing Crosby

The Harry Potter Series

 

 

The Good Kind of Exhaustion

SO exhaustion has hit-big time. I have never been a person with much stamina although I really want to carry myself like I have great amounts of it! Lots of big things are filling my days and I am so tired I'm afraid the puddle of me is going to have to be mopped away at the end of this week. But I'm happy. I have smelled many proverbial roses over the last few days.

I will say that this is one of the most bittersweet weeks I endure every year. Father Time's big pendulum swings heavily for me. I am ever aware at the time I feel is stolen from me as my children grow up and move forward. But as I cannot change it, I try to see the good things in the future (when I'm not stressing over the things in the future!)

Recent days have again proven to me that great opportunities have been given to my children through the grace of God. Good people have been placed in our lives who will enrich the growth my daughters will experience. I marvel at the way these people are hand-picked for the exact way and time we need them in our journey. That alone boosts my spirits. Add to that the kind words I have received from parents and the many wonderful, sweet, heartfelt, enthusiastic hugs I have received from my little kiddos at school, and there are lots of roses in my garden!  I love feeling loved and appreciated and there's nothing quite like a hug to show that. I think if the world realized the power of a hug we'd be a lot happier and abundantly more kind.

SO though I am utterly exhausted,  it's in a good way.  I feel blessed by the people that surround me. I love my job and the fulfillment it gives me. I'm always hoping I give something of value back and that I can be a blessing to someone else the way my family has been blessed by those placed in our lives. I love the "village" that surrounds us.

Days gone by...

Let's Get This Party Started

School starts tomorrow for Meghan and I. I have fought it. I have had the silent countdown going off in my head for weeks. I am mourning it. But accepting it.



Cassie 1994







I don't mind school. I was a fairly good student. I love working at a school. School is a good thing overall. But each new school year signifies the passage of time and the inevitable steps away from time with my children. I love being a mom. I don't feel like I've had enough time being a mom or had enough time with my children. It goes fast. And that time is precious!

 Meghan 1998



With these feelings are also thoughts of excitement for what may lie ahead for my children. There are so many amazing opportunities in life and I'm excited for my girls  to go out and find them! I am trying to teach them to be kind, to be themselves, and to go live life remembering how blessed they have been. As I cannot change the fast pace of time, I am going to accept it and embrace it. Another school year is beginning. So let's get this party started. Here's to another great year of growth, happiness, experience, love, and fun. Counting our blessings all the way.


Cassie 2013

Meghan 2013