Do You Really Though?

I have been working on this post for almost a month now, filling it with wonderful words  and thoughtful phrases. I poured my feelings into it to let the reader know how much I  truly love. How deeply I feel. The time and energy I expend...all the Heathery things you've come to know and expect. It all started to look the same to me- the same old stuff. So I erased that sucker and here's what's left.

 I need to know if you know. 

If life gets crazy for me do you still know I love you? If I'm tired and unable, do you know then? If my body takes me down and I cannot be there, do you still know I want to be? If my brain is too full  and I can't form cohesive thoughts, do you understand I still think of you? Do you fathom that when tragedy strikes my life and am trying to pick up the pieces, I still care about what is going on in your life? Would you guess that when I need prayers for my life, I am praying for yours?  If we haven't seen each other in awhile, do you know I miss you? When I remember all the good times we had, I always wish we'd had more? And if we parted ways with good feelings or with awkwardness, I still wish you the best there is in life. I do. I really do.

It does get hard for me to have all this love inside of me-just bursting at the seams, and hope it's getting to everyone when they need it. I hope my actions show it. I hope my words do too. I hope the feeling you get when I am sending my love makes an impression that lasts and that you never have to wonder if it's there. It is. My love is a living, breathing thing that is all encompassing and never ending...even, yes even...if our friendship has ended and we never see each other again. This girl is wishing the best for wherever your life takes you. I wish you success. I wish you joy. I wish ways for you to find yourself-and find yourself happy.

So there is is. If you didn't know, you sure should now. If I have  been remiss in showing you, call me out on it. I'll do better. It is my job to love. My Promise. My joy. And I am grateful. 

YOLO and FOMO -When Two Acronyms Go Walking

It's been over a year since I have been able to bring myself to blog. For so many years it brought me joy and therapy. But I'll admit-this crazy, mean, dishonest, finger-pointing, disaster wreaking, backwards world got to me-Miss Sally Sunshine. The Silver Lining Seamstress. I couldn't do it. I didn't know what  to say. My mind's been  too full. I didn't give up. I just had to concentrate on keeping my life together and having perspective that would help me see though the fog and know what is important to share-and what isn't. I think I'm ready. 

San Francisco Fog-much like my mind

So life scares me. I LOVE it. But it has always scared me. Yet I have a zest for it that will not be quiet. In fact it is constantly screaming in the back of my head. "LIVE!" "Take chances!" "Try something new!""Don't miss out!" Yes, I have a bad case of YOLO. There are so many things I want to do. While I love being organized and love having a plan, I also I love adventures on the fly. I love being impulsive. And I love finding the opportune moments- golden chances in life.

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As much as I am sure there really are the "opportune" moments in life, I also know that many times, you just have to take them. On that note, insert FOMO. I hate the feeling of missing out. Oh, I am picky about what I have FOMO about. I really don't care if I know the latest, have the most current, do the most amazing, or have the longest list. But I hate missing out on trips, or fireworks, late night walks, or concerts. I hate missing out on chance meetings, and planned ones, too. I hate missing work, or  Sunday worship, or flashes of lightning in the sky. I hate knowing I had the chance to do something great, and either squandered the opportunity or was kept from it in any way. I don't like missing things that could fill my bucket or feed my soul. So I'm on a constant search to make those FOMO moments few and far between, and make the YOLO moments count. 

Planes Landing almost close Enough to Touch

Fallout Boy Concert

Fourth of July Fireworks. I can never get enough.

Barbie Movie with my girls-yes. I loved it-I took a very spiritual
meaning away from it. I looked for good and found it.

As always, my summer has gone so fast. What I used to accomplish in a summer is not even feasible anymore. The days are gone before I can blink. I keep plugging away, but the list is never ending. It has also been a physically, mentally, and emotionally draining summer for me. I am not complaining. I care and I love caring. My self-care has taken a back seat, but I have been able to care for many people around me-although not nearly as much as I'd like to. Some nights as I fall into bed at midnight or much, much later, I wonder what more I could have done. And as I lay there in the dark where sleep is elusive, but thoughts are intrusive, a few answers come to mind. 

I am human. Utterly, one hundred percent human. While I love it that I have a body that works despite its many ailments, I know it can only do so much. Loving late nights and early mornings does not help that issue. Life is hard. Wonderful, but hard.I get tired and burnt out. I have concerns of my own. So again. I can only do so much before I become incapacitated and then am of no use to anyone. But oh, I would love to be one of those people that can "run and not be weary." Maybe someday. For now, I just have to do the best I can. And hope my love is felt by anyone within my reach. And exuberance for living. That too!

I have also, especially in recent years, realized and embraced the fact that seasons of life are really a thing! It's not just a song, or a scripture. It is a real life enigma. Seasons of good and seasons of bad. Seasons of peace and seasons of turmoil. There have been years of my life that have been dedicated to serving outside of my home, but then times where my family had to be at the forefront. I have loved spans of time when we've been free to travel and explore, but remember the days of small children and sickness, homework, and tight belts. I have loved being able to offer service, meals, cards, and love, but have also had opportunities to be the recipient of these things when I have had need. Seasons with people and places, opportunities, joys and sorrows.  And they inevitably change.

Sometimes I mourn some of these seasons passing and morphing into other things. I yearn for the past, and sadly, sometimes, want to skip to the future. I realize the danger in both, So I try to focus on the season at hand in my own life; doing what I can, when I can, and maybe jumping on a chance when I find one. 

When it comes down to it, these cute little acronyms  have become quite the cheerleaders for my life. They inspire me and motivate me. They get me out of my comfort zone and help me to see beyond my boundaries and reach for something more-something new. I have experienced things I never would have without these special sets of letters. They have helped me LIVE. And I am grateful.

#beachweather   @beachweather

#fearofmissingout     #youonlyliveonce    #dinosaursinthemud       #imissyouamy

This entry is dedicated to Amy Echard Otto who loved life to the fullest and never missed out on living or loving. I love and miss you my beautiful friend!

Never Ending Story

I promised myself I would blog at least once every month of the summer. I'm having trouble settling on a topic. But a promise is a promise. 

I could blog about the craziness of the world, the state of the economy, the unrest in human-kind, the uncertainty in acquiring our basic needs, or the sense of being in an alternate reality almost every day anymore. But instead, I will write about the honor, resiliency, steadfastness, bravery, generosity, and benevolence I still see in the world. The good things that still happen. That miracles that still occur. The valiant acts that transpire in any given moment. The good that still exits.

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Oh, the news would want you to believe otherwise. Those who look to interrupt our peaceful existence want you to lose hope. Those who work to propagate evil would want you to believe light has been snuffed out and only darkness remains in our future. I vehemently contest this sentiment, although I admit to being sucked into the propaganda every now and again. Even then, all I have to do is look at my circle-my village-and I know that light exists and there will always be good somewhere in the world. 

To say I love my village sounds small and trite. It doesn't even begin to cover the myriad and depth of emotions I have for my people. My people have loved me through good times and bad. They have believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. They rush to my side when I am falsely accused. They see the best in me. They will not have my name besmirched, but will champion me at every turn, and give me perspective along the way. My village knows me. My village knows I love them. My village knows I would do anything for them as well. My village is spread out-from the center of my household to the edges of my neighborhood to the far reaches of every state, and even across several countries. Some of my village is even in heaven.  EACH person plays an integral part in my life and has achieved purpose just by being. Yup-you got that right. You can play a role in someone else's life just by existing. And from there, the opportunities are wide open-the chances to help, save, nurture, and cheer. My village takes advantage of that fact and then some. You see, not only are they there for me, but for an infinite number of other people as well. I cannot give enough thanks to every single individual who has crossed my path; the ones that have come and gone, the ones I have yet to meet, and the constants who stay in my life in one form or another-your presence has been felt, done good, changed my life for the better, and brought miracles to me that I could get in no other way. Thank you. I love you. More than I can ever convey. But this post isn't just about me. 

I realize the title of my blog has yet to come into play. I don't know if you ever had the chance to see the classic 80's movie "The Never Ending Story", but if you haven't, it's worth the hour and 32 minutes it takes to watch it. It's cheesy, yes, but full of amazing things like bravery, trial, triumph, heroes, persistence, and my personal favorite: Falcor, the Luck Dragon! More in a moment....

I can't describe how desperately I want one of these!!!

Last weekend I sat in the most beautiful little city in Idaho. We chanced upon it last year and went up to see the "Best Fireworks Show This Side of the Mississippi". We were not disappointed last year, and found ourselves there once again to witness the magic. 

I LOVE AMERICA. I cannot stress this enough. I love my land.  I am patriotic, I was BORN THAT WAY. I bleed red, white, and blue. I LOVE my country. I love what my country is supposed to stand for. I love Liberty. I love being a land of opportunity. I love it that it is up to each person-no matter their circumstance-to take those opportunities and use them, or even make their own, and that anyone who works hard will find some form of success. I love it that we are a melting pot. I love the variety in our land. And I love the idea of being One Nation Under God. If your God is different from my God, we are still supposed to be one nation. I hope we get there someday. Nevertheless, I appreciate more than I can put into words the sacrifices our forefathers, our leaders who truly stand for America, our military, our communities, our workforces and our families have made to help us establish and keep this land that we love. May we never let it go. 

On the gorgeous drive up to Idaho, I marveled at the beauty of vast, wide open spaces, blue skies, and clouds to die for. I reflected on the opportunity I had a few days earlier to go help my mother and her friends in a cause that is dear to my heart and should be one that the world puts great focus on. Operation Underground Railroad  (https://www.ourrescue.org/) is a non-profit entity that raises money and awareness for human trafficking, and provides rescue, rehabilitation and resources for those who have been through this horrific, abominable ordeal. I can't even imagine the destruction being trafficked causes a soul. Well, my dearly departed father had a habit of collecting. Not on a small scale but on a grander scale than many can imagine. One of his items was model cars. Well over 7000 of them. Guess what? When he passed, do you want to know who got to deal with all those cars? My sweet mother. And the rest of us, but it has mostly fallen squarely on her shoulders and it has been overwhelming to say the least. The undertaking of cataloging alone is mind-boggling and time-consuming. Finally my mom got to a point that she felt something different had to be done. She has some friends who run the O.U.R. group in her area, and decided-after speaking with each of her daughters-to sell the cars and donate the proceeds*every penny*to O.U.R. Of course we agreed, and we all feel my dad is smiling upon this endeavor from heaven. Long story short, a few days before our venture to Idaho, I found myself with an open day where I could go show support and help run a booth at an event in Cache Valley. I can't describe the peace and goodness and light I received as I did this. (Honestly I hardly did a thing other than talk to customers and rearrange cars, but it was an amazing feeling.) On one side of our booth was the official O.U.R. booth with info, resources, and merchandise for this cause. We were in the middle, and on the other side of us were the amazing couple who run the DBSA (Depression and Bipolar-Support Alliance     https://www.dbsalliance.org/support/chapters-and-support-groups/find-a-support-group/?state=UT ) support groups in Cache Valley. Can you think of a better set-up? 

Kelly and Jan 

Kip and Kathy

My Dad-the collector

My beautiful, patient mom

At any rate, I was still thinking about this wonderful experience I had when we walked into the venue we had come for and saw the astounding amount of people, goodwill, patriotism, variety, togetherness and community. We were all there to celebrate one thing. America. The founding of it, the protection of it, the diversity in it, the blessing of it. I sat there in amazement as tears streamed down my face and I witnessed the tribute to America that was so generously provided to us. It dawned on me that there is always light. Always good. A never ending story of it. Yup. There's the tie-in. As long as ONE person shares that good, and shines the light so others can see, the story will never end. That feeling enveloped me and wrapped me in a beautiful cocoon of contentment that I have carried with me into this week-even with the endless barrage of disheartening stories that assault our senses every day. The cocoon isn't as strong as it was that night, but my village will bring reinforcements of goodness and light-like they always do, and I will be grateful! 

And a dime to boot!

For more information on the best fireworks show I have ever seen go to https://www.freedomcelebration.com/                     Seriously-the whole show was one huge grand finale!   Thanks to Melaleuca!!!!!