But HOW?

This is my mantra. This, or some version of it. I have to repeat it often, as I'm sure everyone in the world does. I tell this to myself even more often right now. This is my favorite time of year. I steadfastly refuse to let anything dampen my Christmas Spirit. It is essential to my well being and to my soul. It is also imperative that I honor Christmas in the memory of my father and sister. This I must do. No matter what. I never thought it would be an issue for me. 

Let's clarify that. It is not an issue for me to honor Christmas. It is my life's purpose-every day of my life. It is everything else in the world that makes me feel overwhelmed and not as capable. BUT Christmas does not overwhelm me. It exhilarates me. It brings me peace. It gives my life meaning and brings my soul hope. I could make a laundry list of the things in my life that are sucking my essence like a flippin vacuum, but Christmas-yes, Christmas, helps me gain it again.

So how. How does one do this? How does one time of the year, based on one heavenly event of a lifetime build the soul enough to feel its worth? Well let me tell you my secrets.

I live Christmas. Yes, live it. I love the feeling this time of year. It's amazing to realize it never has to leave. Bring it with you. Let it permeate your being, and live the feeling of Christmas every day.

I give. I love to give. I was taught to give. I revel in it. You cannot give too much. It grows the heart and soul. Giving in secret is even more fun. There is a delight that you just can't get any other way.

I listen. To bells, to laughter, to crackling fires and music. I LOVE Christmas music. Especially the classics. Every Christmas song from Jingle Bells to Silent Night makes me cry. WITH JOY. I love it.  To me,  a time too early does not exist. We play hymns all year long. We all listen to our favorite songs from our childhoods (insert 80's music) even now. If Christmas music cultivates joy, why not hear it whenever you want? When I am missing my dad and I feel like I can't take another step without him, I turn on Johnny Mathis. Or Somewhere In My Memory from Home Alone. And while it can sometimes give me a good cry, it cleanses my soul like nothing else and helps me feel my dad's essence whenever I want.

I don't judge how you do your Christmas.  I want others to do Christmas the way that strikes their hearts most. Most people who know me know I love to prepare for Christmas all November long, so that when Thanksgiving is over, I can relax in my Christmas ready home. I STILL DO THANKSGIVING. But I do it with Christmas Spirit intertwined, and that brings a lot of joy to my soul. Some people wait, and that's okay. I don't waste my time, or my Christmas worrying about what everyone else is doing. Don't waste yours. Concentrate on YOUR joy, and just wish those around you all the joy they can handle.

I attend the things that are important to me. My school's choir concert. I quite literally grieved this year when I missed it. I didn't get tickets and had some pressing matters concerning my daughter's health the night of our concert. I cried. It's something I have never missed. I never want to miss it again. But there are events that give me joy. And those are the things I do. If it brings me stress or overwhelms me, I don't do it. I want this to be a time of peace.

I allow for change. This has been a hard one, but life changes. That is the way of it. I have learned I have to allow for new traditions or fine tuning of old ones. As long as Christmas Spirit is present, I know I'm on the right track even if it's a different one.

I look for miracles. Like my daughter being alive after her wreck. Like my friend Jay's life being saved after a near death experience. Like having my Mustang do a complete 180* turn around after almost being side swiped on the pass, and having the car end up facing the wrong direction, but being miraculously on the one part of the road that had a shoulder and a guard rail. Those miracles. But other ones too, both big and small. Those certainly fuel the flame of Christmas Spirit.

I see as many lights as possible. Studies show that humans crave light. We came from light-we were born with light. It's a need. Fill that need. The lights that are around are not commercialism or extravagances-they are a tribute to light. To the star in Bethlehem, to the child that lit the world with hope, to the light we can share with others. However you choose to view light, embrace it and pass it on. Light someone's candle. There's always more if we keep passing the flame.

I try to do things for others. One of my favorites is to send cards to Joshua Says Hello and encourage others to do so. This new tradition of ours has brought so much joy to us from so many unexpected places. It has been a delight and we have had an awakening of goodwill to many around us.
*for more information go to: https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/?__tn__=kC-R&eid=ARAW3CRpClr-wGIjgCHL8JqA6VcRCrLRowVB-H_h_LgyMgrZa6YTnNXo0-JqKr17bcPqALdS3VEJ0xma&hc_ref=ARS3la95LdPNKihDyPvM2AWHsRiCbUWzawmNh8_XR6cH-75PTsMgEVD6bK_56Wq1k0w&fref=nf
And read about this here: https://kutv.com/news/offbeat/disabled-idaho-man-wants-your-christmas-cards-all-for-a-good-cause?fbclid=IwAR2l4bDU66l9ta6s5-NBBMhoK81BBXg2ExlRuYz6DgoC8wjcq_Qn7ucrpCM

OR.. just go ahead and send  Christmas card to:
Joshua Says Hello
P.O. Box 122
Franklin, ID 83237

I could go on. I really could. I revel in Christmas. It is one of the pure things we have on earth to bring us joy and promote goodwill. All sales and commercialism aside, how YOU choose to live it is what defines the way it will touch you and the ones closest to you.

I've struggled a little this year with all the things in my life. I have even had a few low times, but I have also realized that you can't force happy every second just because this is a season of joy. Embrace the feelings of sorrow and loss and change, but don't linger there too long. This is also a season of hope. And that's where my last secret comes in. OPEN YOUR HEART. That's right-crack that baby right open and let the light and love fill it right up. Receive love. Take in light. Store it away. You'll be a better you. You'll find joy. And we can be grateful.

Close your heart, they said. People can't hurt you if you don't let them in.
I can't, I said. It hurts not to love.
Don't give so much, they said. If people don't appreciate your love and efforts, don't waste it on them.
I have to, I said. Giving is the only way I know how to live.
Don't take their pain, they said, You have so much of your own. Don't take on anothers.
I have to, I said. My shoulders were built for it. I don't know any other way. I can carry it.
Stop caring, they said. It's just one person. You don't need this if they can't even validate you.
I can't, I said. I earn validation only by caring....through loving.
Spend Christmas on you, they said. You deserve joy too. 
I can't, I said, Christmas is JOY, and the only way I get joy is to give it in the first place.

I THINK I WILL BE....well.....ME.      ~Heather Winward 12/13/19

#DinosaursInTheMud

BANG BANG BANG!

'I think your love would be too much.' Do you know how many times I have been told that my love is too much? Or too big? Or too readily handed out? I have struggled with that! How can you love too much? I cannot wrap my mind around that. I have been advised that you can give out a lot of love, but there might be people who aren't ready to accept it, or reciprocate it, or acknowledge it.....so it does feel too big, because they can't or won`t allow themselves to absorb it and let it strengthen them.  I have always viewed loving too much as a fault of mine.  And if it doesn't come back I question even more.

This has been a big deal for me. I want to soothe so many people. I want to take away their pain and help them know that someone is ALWAYS there for them, even if the rest of the world has given up. Yet I am really having a hard time keeping it together in my own life. I am mourning so many things. I lost a friend to cancer recently. I have had connections with her whole family since I was 11 years old. They helped mold me into who I am. I feel their loss as acutely as I feel my own. I love them. Their grief spills onto me and I hurt for their sadness.

I am wary of the emptiness I feel as I look to the coming Christmas Season. It is a season of hope and one I wholeheartedly embrace for the joy and peace it brings. When I lost my father, who wanted to be the real Santa, it was hard, but we made it work because we believe in Christmas and what it represents. Then my sister died. It was even harder with her gone, but we pushed through with all our traditions and made it a Christmas to remember, even though it was painful. Now the entire dynamic of my family has changed. While I refuse to let any situation steal the joy of Christmas from me, I am mourning the change of the traditions I have lived since my childhood. I am mourning change. But nothing stays the same. Change is a constant in life. There's so much of it in my life and in the lives of those around me. It overwhelms me. It overwhelms the people I love.

In these instances, and others, I lend my heart completely to all involved. It's what I do. I invest in people and their feelings, their emotions and the core of who they are. That is what I look for. Who they are and why they may be acting, feeling, or reacting. Because sometimes their actions, or reactions hurt me just a little, so having a reason for their behavior helps me deal with the sting I may be feeling from the way they are dealing with their own grief and emotions. I do realize that every person deals with things differently, and that many, many people just need time. Because I love and  feel things so intensely, I know I rush into soothing and "fixing" hurt feelings and trying to repair a person's heart and emotions. I want it better. But I am still learning patience, even though I thought I was a patient person. If you feel my impatience in trying to love you back to you being happy and emotionally  healthy, please know it's just that-love.

In the midst of all my feelings, and feeling everyone else's feelings, I heard this song on the radio, and I thought. "Wow, maybe my love is too much. I wouldn't be feeling this way and wondering if I was doing it right. Maybe it's true."

Then a mother's worst nightmare happened. I got the call from the daughter who had been crashed into in rush hour traffic on the freeway. Twice. Bang! then BANG!!! The fact that she could call was some comfort. Driving the agonizing 30 minutes to get to her and see flashing emergency lights in the dark as well as car parts and smashed vehicles was horrifying. Hugging her was one of the most emotional instances I have ever experienced. Taking her to the emergency room was sobering. Following up for 3  1/2 hours in the doctor's office with too many x-rays to count was overwhelming. But the most consuming feeling I have had during all of this is love. Love for my daughter and love to God that she is alive. She is in a lot of pain. But she is here. I love the officers and first responders who were so kind. I love the doctors and nurses and people who have helped us wade through the mess and tears. Love for my neighbors and family and friends who have checked on us, sent gifts, texted, called and made sure we are okay. Love for my boss and co-workers who have covered for me and let me take care of my daughter, and myself at times, and took care of things at work while I couldn't. But the great part is, I felt the love from all of them as well. Love always grows. Even if the person you are giving it to doesn't give it back, it still finds a way to spill onto someone else and gets paid forward. We have received it in spades. Some of it from people we didn't even know knew about our situation or were aware that we needed that care. It 's been a powerful reminder-a lesson that I hope my daughter didn't need to suffer through so that I could remember it....but you can't love too much. The more you love, the more it multiplies. Sometimes in ways you never saw coming, but you get it back so that you can turn around and send some more out. My love is not too much. And I am grateful.

#DinosaursInTheMud

Do You Believe in Magic

I have been trying to write this blog for a month. It keeps morphing in my brain. But I need to get it done so I never forget it. 

So my dad died almost three years ago. It was a tough time that began an onslaught of unforeseen trials and whammys to the soul. Though that is not what this post is about, it sets the tone for the story. Though my dad was quite a colorful character, his innermost countenance is what drives me to want his traits brought out in myself. One of the most enduring qualities that both he and my mom instilled in us was to continually believe.  Whether it was in Santa, in miracles, in God, in better days, in finding true love, or finding ourselves, they believed. Many times they sacrificed for their beliefs. Dad served his country while mom worked and took care of their home.  Dad traveled a lot to support our family; mom stayed home and dealt with the day to day drudgeries and the ever present hormones of 4 daughters.  They believed in love and celebrated many years of it. They made sure we had Christmas, no matter how well our coffers were filled. They took us to church. They proclaimed their beliefs, and we always knew that magic is real-if only because we believe.

I do believe. Yet I know that life is a series of setbacks along with the good stuff. I take it all quite well, but there are days that are hard for me to trudge through and have a cheery disposition. Since I yearn to be a light, and brighten the world wherever I go, having a day like this is extra hard. I loathe myself when I can't snap out of it. Which makes me feel lower, then I feel guilt for feeling low. And I feel bad for feeling low. Ya see how that goes?

Well, after my did died, we went to see his grave, planning to get his medallion of service put on his headstone. Years ago, I was given a little metal star-about 1 1/2 inches in measurement- with a word emblazoned on it. I knew it would have to be saved for something special, and my dad's headstone was it. I talked to my mom and she agreed it should be on his headstone. We got the service medallion secured to his headstone and when it came time for the star, it was nowhere to be found. We searched the car, coat pockets, the ground, our house....anywhere we could think of, but it was gone. My heart was broken. This was also during one of the hardest times in my life that I have ever had to get through. I needed hope and comfort and losing that little star dashed my hope to pieces for a bit. It consumed me that I had lost that token of hope and memento for my dad.

Well, life goes on. It's 2 1/2 years since I lost the star. I have made it through any trials and challenges I wish I hadn't had to experience, but I am grateful for the things I learned from them. I am stronger in many ways but  have also found even more flaws I would like to change about myself. I have vowed to my dad and myself to keep my belief in all things good, and to keep hope alive. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I feel like I am swimming against the current. Sometimes I wonder if I can keep the belief going.

I was having a day like this just over a month ago. There were misunderstandings and frictions between so many people that I love-friends and family alike. So much suffering in the lives of people I care about. So many demands on my time and energy. I felt like I wasn't making a difference in my job. I felt like I was failing as a mother, a wife, a friend, and as a person. Everything seemed to crop up at once, and I was so very tired. I have discovered that the one thing that brings the most anxiety to me is wondering if I am a good person. I mean if I am a good person all the time. If the things I say and do are the right ones to show that my heart is good and my love is pure. I worry about how I affect people and if I made their lives better or worse by being part of them. I'm grateful I am discovering this, because I need to work on it. I am pretty dang sure I AM a good person, but I know I'm not perfect either. At any rate I was down.  I came home from work and saw all the chores that were not done, and I sank even lower. Gathering my strength, I marched into the laundry room and threw another load of laundry into the dryer. I was halfway up the stairs when I heard a sound in the dryer. I have to admit a little swear word went through my mind, and I thought, "Great. There was Chapstick in someones pocket and now it's in the dryer getting everything greasy." I all but ripped the dryer door off it's hinges trying to open it.                     And then I stood all amazed. There it was. The star. In my dryer. And it told me exactly what to do.

I have to tell you I fell to my knees then and there. I cried. I wept. I missed my dad. I prayed. I thanked God for this miracle from out of nowhere. I was humbled, and gratified, and once again at peace. Life got immediately better and brighter. Nothing had changed, just my attitude and the depths of my belief. I witnessed a miracle. Nothing in that dryer was anything we owned or wore over 2 1/2 years ago. That star was saved for something special. It was saved for me to be able to BELIEVE on a day that was hard for me to believe-and I believe that my father and my Father in Heaven worked in tandem to give me something to believe in. I know I will need reminders in this human state of mine, but I believe they will always be sent to me. And I am grateful.

Trust In Me

Have you ever had a realization come out of the blue and just knock you in the head? Like something that you probably always knew but the awareness all of a sudden just about knocks the earth off its axis? Boy, howdy, did I have a humdinger. I'm still trying to grasp the reality of it. I'm so stunned by this revelation that I'm almost embarrassed to admit it-let alone write about it. But it needs to come out and be dealt with, and they say owning it is the first step.

Here goes....

For all the rantings and ravings, proclamations and bluster I spew about love, I don't trust it. I am positively stunned and humiliated about that. Let me clarify....I believe in love. Oh, I trust mine. I trust myself to love every single person and see the absolute best until the bitter end. I trust that I will be hurt, belittled, forgotten, betrayed, mocked and abandoned, and I will still love you....probably even more than I did before. But I might have a hard time trusting your love. Now don't take this personally. I am not singling anyone out. There ARE people whose love I know I can count on 100% of the time. As far as  the general populace goes, I won't feel worthy of your love, especially if I have done something I think might have disappointed you. Oh, I will continue to love you thoroughly, but I can't believe you will continue to love me. My mind tells me something has changed irrevocably, and I will never again receive your love. And if by chance you have told me you don't  love me, I believe you. 😢

That's not to say that I don't believe you when you say you do love me. I'm just always unsure of how long that will last. I want it to last. I need it to. I tell myself it will. Until I forget that you do~or I do something I think has disappointed you again. Then I am sure I have once again lost it.

It makes me crazy-like that song by Carly Simon about you thinking this song is about you, but it's not really about you, even though it really is...that makes my mind spin. I am the believer in love-the dreamer of dreams-the silver lining seamstress. How can I doubt love when I believe it is the most important emotional tool that exists?

PLEASE, do not feel sorry for me. This is not my intent. Everyone gets a taste of this sometimes. I can blame it on past encounters...broken engagements, misunderstandings, times I have felt inferior and unworthy. But that makes it seem petty and small. I guess maybe it is. It goes so much deeper. My love is so big that I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that not everyone comes that way. Naive, I know. I admit I have a very simple view on love. I forget not everyone is like me. (I know...thank heaven! A world full of Heathers would get old really quickly!!) I just assume that everyone must feel like me-that no matter the situation, I will love completely and that will never change. So how come I don't expect that love in return?

I have realized that is something I need to work on-this weakness in me. I need to trust in others, and believe that their love won't change regardless of distance, time, circumstance, or venue. I understand that this might not always be true. Sometimes there really is love lost between people, and though it will be hard for me to accept, it is a fact of life. When I say trust in me (therefore in my love as well), I need to do the same for everyone else. I feel the need to apologize (another Heather issue) if I have ever made it seem like I don't accept your love. I do. Fully and completely and with gratitude-and many times with wonder. Yes, I have pledged to work on the wonder part. I do know I am worth loving. I am going to try not to hold onto the past when I have felt rejected and unloved, but please be patient with me. I am not trying to be a cliche-but the saying that "if you hear it enough you believe it" holds true. I absolutely hate admitting that.  I have been told I am not loved, am not worth being loved, or am stupid for loving. I do not want to be someone who clings to those negative things as a means to navigate hard situations. So today, I vow to work hard to receive love as fully as I give it, and to believe in love from others-as I want you to believe in the love I give to you. My love endures. I have an abundance. And I am grateful.

***This post is dedicated to Jay Keller and his family. They give love freely and you always  know you have it. His post on Facebook today cemented the need to write this post. It's been on more minds than just mine. Thanks Jay, and Kathy and Joshua and all you fremlies out there. Love to you. #joshuasayshello
https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/

I. Am. Iron Man.

I am Iron Man.

I know. I do not look like Iron Man right here. But I am. Or at least I should be considered part of his team. We have things in common, Iron Man and I. We both have anxiety. We are roughly in the same age category....well, 5 years apart anyway. We have had to work hard to overcome. We really do want what is best for everyone, even when we know it will take a sacrifice. And though we are merely humans, we do have superpowers lurking underneath the surface. My superpower, you ask? I know what you're thinking. "She is going to say that *IT'S LOVE*"-and you'd be close. I do think love is a strength of epic proportions and I like to believe I carry that strength in super-human quantities. It is something I believe in COMPLETELY. I know it will save the world.

But my super power..........

                                                                                    ........IS HOPE. YES, HOPE!

This picture will actually help me sell it. Because although I have always known it deep down, this is one of the places I fully realized my superpower.

A couple of Sundays ago, life was feeling pretty heavy. I know we all go through days like this, but I become almost crazed in trying to fight that heaviness off. Life is too short to feel that way for too long. Meghan and I decided we needed to go visit one of our friends who was laid to rest in the Brigham City cemetery and look for some peace while we were there.

I know there are some out there that would ask why a cemetery would give me peace. I have always loved being in cemeteries- in fact in some of my late night meanderings, I have found myself there often. The history alone attracts me. And the stories do, as well. I am drawn to the peacefulness there. Though I have always been drawn to them, I have learned so much more about the sacred nature and symbolism involved since my Meghan took a job as the clerk of our local cemetery. It is so much more than a place where our loved ones are laid to rest. It's a place of safety, of memories, of lifetimes, and of hope. Hope that there's more. Hope that love lives on. Hope of seeing loved ones again. So, yes, HOPE.

NOW. If I were an author, let's say Charles Dickens, I would have to make sure you understand that I am deathly allergic to bees (or stings from any kind of wasp, hornet, yellow-jacket , or otherwise.) You must understand this, or none of my story will seem wondrous!

But back to that Sunday,  Meghan and I headed up to the cemetery in search of some solace and respite. We left in a hurry and I grabbed my purse that was nearby-but knew we didn't have much time so we jumped in the Mustang and sped up the highway. I was still in my skirt from being at church, and we walked up to the place where we feel the enormity of the love our friend, Nik had to offer the world, and the impact he had on it. We laid a blanket out in front of his headstone, and sat down to ponder. I have always felt that there are spirits that walk among us, to whisper promptings and lend strength when we need it-I feel them acutely and have always been grateful that I can. Meghan is the same way. To be honest, she is my mini-me in so many ways.We have felt Nik in our lives-his influence and his love. It has been spread through his family and friends to so many around the world.  But the cemetery felt extra quiet that day. It felt a little lonely, and we realized  we don't feel as many presences lately. It makes us feel a little deserted and bereft....we have been used to the company. As we sat there lamenting the losses of spirit both physically and spiritually, I felt something in my skirt, and... too late, realized a yellow jacket had stung me. I did not have my Epi-pen with me. I didn't even think to grab it. The enormity of what was going to happen to me hit me like a ton of bricks and I swore-yes swore-as I realized I was going to die in a cemetery right in front of my daughter. They say your life flashes before your eyes if you are dying-I contest that all that flashed before me was the horror of leaving my daughter like that. Instantly and alone. I feel the panic even as I write. I have never felt such panic in my life. I thought to myself-"this place should be full of spirits watching over my daughter and me! I can't die here. I can't die in front of her!" This all took place in milliseconds but it felt like I was living a slow motion nightmare.  I looked at Meghan in horror and felt such guilt that I would be so irresponsible to leave my shot home, and now she would have to witness my death. I can't even describe it. I looked around in my frenzied state and though my heart was racing uncontrollably,  things slowed down even more. I thought-"this is it. I'm going".

But then something amazing happened. I felt peace and calm- which was strange since I "knew" that I was leaving. I felt hope. I didn't feel the angels coming to get me and take me home, nor did I feel any presence of angels there to help me. But I did feel hope. I knew heaven knew what was happening and that I was going to know what to do next. I didn't know if that meant I would have to choke out some goodbye to Meghan or just lie down and sleep, but there was no doubt I would know what to do. And I did. Though I did not feel Nik with us, I knew he knew what was happening to me, and though my throat was quickly restricting and my leg was swelling, I suddenly had the presence of mind to look beside me and see my purse. In the very top was my rescue inhaler. I knew to take 4 puffs as quickly as I could. Then I saw the water bottle I had grabbed on the way out of the house and a bottle of Benadryl beside it. I knew the inhaler would keep me open long enough to choke down the Benadryl. I knew I had to take 4 of them if I was going to live. The prompts came like lightning and I knew what to do in each fraction of a second to keep me breathing until I was rescued. I will say I have never taken so many puffs of inhaler in my life, but I know it kept me alive until I got my shot.

Long story short, I'm alive. I'm ALIVE. In reality, I should be gone. That alone gives me enough hope to float the Titanic. In my exhilaration of staying alive, it didn't register until later the Hell that Meghan went through, thinking she was going to lose me. She was a trooper. My family was wonderful. There's a lot more to the story. The rest was not easy. There was a lot of quick thinking on the part of Meghan, and Chad who sped up the highway to get me to my shot and get us home. I suffered, and so did they. It was not fun. It was one of the scariest things I have ever been through. It was terrifying for Meghan. But I'm alive. It is a modern day miracle. If you don't believe in miracles, I ask you to look at me. I am one.

Now that we are through it, and realize the miracles that were poured out on us, the question is, what do we do with it?

We share hope. We hand it out like candy and cling to it with everything we have. We spread love-as Nik did and still does. We love life. We look for good. We look for miracles and recognize them for what they are. WE USE OUR SUPERPOWERS. And we are grateful.

 *Just a note here. Nik made an impact on our lives. His family makes sure his legacy of love lives on. To see more go to: https://www.facebook.com/spreadingnikslove/

Down Shifting

I have a Ford Mustang that I just love. It's fun, it's pretty, it (can) go fast, and it has a 6 speed manual transmission. THIS IS MY FAVORITE FEATURE OF THE CAR!! I love engaging each gear as I put the clutch down. I love connecting with the car and feeling each shift of the gears as I go through them. My daughter has asked me why I take certain routes with more turns and stop signs. My reply? "So I can shift more!"  I have said before I feel like Jack Sparrow and his ship, the Black Pearl. That Mustang is freedom to me. I have also been known to say that my car could be a rust bucket and I would still be filled with joy every time I drive it-just because of the sheer and pure excitement in shifting that baby and driving care free. I don't know what it is about a manual that makes it so much fun for me. Maybe it's because that is how I learned to drive. Maybe it's because my dad had an awesome Jetta that he would let me zip around in on special occasions. Or maybe it's because there's nothing like the feeling of being one with the machine and having it respond to each shift. It's exhilarating! The transmission is superb. The outside is just icing on the cake.

              

My blue streak also gives me time to think when I'm out and about-windows down, radio loud, wind in my hair...freedom at its finest. The restraints of stress are alleviated-if only for the miles that I am driving. The cares of the world get further away in the rear view mirror and I am totally immersed in the privilege of  FEELING- one of the greatest gifts a human can experience. In leaving the bad juju behind, I revel in the good. I revel in the love. So as I move forward in this piece, I am going to downshift- I'm going to forget the bad...the news, the disappointments, the pain, and the weight of the world and think about the one thing that brings me complete joy.....LOVE. I LOVE, I love fully, deeply, and under all conditions. I love through the good, the bad and the ugly. No matter the situation, whether I agree or not, whether I am hurt or not, whether that love is reciprocated or not, I LOVE. Some people ask me how I do it, or if I am faking it. I can tell you with 100% certainty that there is no faking involved. I don't know whether it is a blessing or a curse some days, but I love regardless. I can't help it. I can't stop it. And I really don't want to. There are myriads of things that I love but I know I can't share it all now. Nevertheless, I have to name a few. So....I love....

-People. I am grateful for EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Of course my family and my peeps are at the top of the list. But connections are key to living. Even the bad ones. You get something from EVERY person if you make even the slightest effort to do so. 

Co-workers

Keil Family Reunion

Disney Geeks

Highschool Besties

Long lost daughter and friend forever

-Music. It gets me going, brightens my day, fuels emotions, and can take me from sad to happy faster than teenagers can wolf a pizza.

Going to see our boys!!

American Authors

-Traveling. Near, far, new places, or revisited favorites. If I didn't have to work and had unlimited funds, traveling is all I'd do.

Maho Beach St. Maarten

Nassau, Bahamas

Disney's Castaway Cay

Las Vegas

Chinatown LA

San Fransisco

-On that note...beaches...oceans..... Especially the kind where the water is so clear you can see down to the floor of the ocean. It calms and exhilarates me.

-My job. working with elementary school aged kids. I love them. I love seeing their successes. I love what I do.

-Cleaning. Yes, cleaning. It is one of the rare things in life where you can accomplish something and always see results. It is a stress reliever and a confidence builder, because I am thorough, quick and efficient. 

-Lightning and thunder. Oh I love it! It THRILLS me! It shows me there is a God and reminds me there is something FAR greater and bigger than me. 

-Writing. It loosens my "tongue" and pent up emotions. It helps me sort, convey, and relate. 

-Smells. There is always a memory or event that I can connect with a smell. I collect them and stash them away to draw on for any emotion I may experience.

-Other people's joy and successes. I am truly joyful when you succeed. I am elated for your happiness and joy. I am excited for your opportunities and adventures. I WANT you to be happy! 

-Movies. There's one for every mood. A lesson in each one. An emotion to elicit. An adventure waiting to happen. 

               

-Pens. That's right. The simple joy of writing with a good pen that flows well and looks great on paper. Sharpies are some of my favorites. 

-Laughter. Best all around sound and cure for pretty much anything.

Dad laughing on his last Christmas Eve with us.

This man's laugh of pure joy just delights me!!.
To see the full commercial, which is darling, go here :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzM4L_grN8w

-Food. Some of my favorites are Mexican. TACOS are THE BOMB. My number one go-to food. But I love food. It ignites a party for your taste buds while providing memories, good conversation, and fuel for the adventures in life. 

-Sour candy. Fruity candy. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's that I'm allergic to so many fresh fruits-yet I LOVE fruit. The sour is a sensation that I have always loved experiencing. It makes me feel alive.

                

-Beauty products. I don't use 75%  of what I have but I love having it. Everything from make-up to lotion to nail polishes and soaps. They make me feel pampered and taken care of. 

Kind of embarrassed to admit this is just the tip of the iceberg!

-Patriotism. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. I respect it,  I feel blessed to live here and  I am so

grateful for the men and women who fight to keep me here and fight for the freedoms our country hold dear-the principles this great country was founded on.

My patriotic side kick and me!

-Kindness. No action does more. It changes people, brings out our humanity, makes the giver and the receiver feel good, and it just makes the world a better place!

-Cleverness. I don't own much of it. I so enjoy a clever and witty mind. I appreciate it because I don't have that come naturally. I can do clever things, but it's not just right there waiting for me like it is for some people. I love clever dialogue, jokes, and stories. They make me happy. 

-Fireworks. I love them. Every single time I see them. They spark joy in me and ignite the dreams I harbor inside. I hate missing them. I could stay out and watch them all night. I never get tired of them. They are magical. 

-Christmas Spirit. Yes, I'm saying that in July. I don't care when you have it or how you show it but I LOVE Christmas spirit anytime, anywhere. I love decorations, music, lights, movies, good deeds, food, candy, carols, church services, you name it. Sending cards to Joshua Says Hello https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/ ....It all feels good. It looks lovely. It warms the heart and touches the soul, and makes the world just a little bit softer and a lot kinder. It can only make a better world to always have Christmas spirit in your heart. And I am grateful.

https://kutv.com/news/local/disabled-idaho-man-wants-your-christmas-cards-all-for-a-good-cause

https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/