Faint of Heart

You have been warned. If you are one of the faint of heart, maybe this isn't for you. I can say this because I am one of those that is faint of heart, both literally and figuratively. Between the physical elements that plague my heart, and the extra large, absorbent heart I was blessed with, my heart is pretty much always strung out. Sometimes I don't know what to do with all about the goings-on in there. It's hard for me to sort out. All my heart wants to do is be happy and then spread the happy to everyone else. Because of this tendency of mine, I have always been quite amicable, easy to please, agreeable on most things, and quiet on many issues. I'm not one who likes to argue, or feels like my point needs to be made. Unless I feel quite strongly about something, I will be quiet and let others talk. So when I do have something to say, and it's not general consensus, or it differs from the opinion in front of me, it blows people out of the water. It makes others faint of heart. It can be shocking that Heather could have an opinion, or even speak up about it. It's been an interesting observation.

I think because I've always been a people pleaser, going along with  the consensus is expected of me. Most of the time I have no trouble with it. I admit I love peace. I usually don't feel the need to be right as long as there is peace. Life throws curve balls. It's a lesson we all learn.

Every one of us has been through more than one thing that has shown us this truth...life is not fair. It isn't equal. It has ups and downs. The good stuff is a bonus. Life is full of beauty, but it is also full of despair. Life is full of judgements. While some jugements have bearing, so many judgments are unfounded and untrue-some of them can even be quite harsh. I've tried to teach my children that there will always be somebody judging you and you just have to deal with it. Sometimes, however, you  have to speak up about it. But oh my, when Heather speaks up, everything changes. People don't know what hit them. I try to do it kindly. I try to give perspective. I try to show another way to look at it. I'm not ever trying to show that someone else is wrong. Usually I'm just trying to show there are many ways to look at something. And there can be many opinions that work. I tend to err to the side of kindness and finding good. And sometimes that makes people mad. Or feel unheard. Or feel picked on. Not my intention. Not my hope. My hope is to radiate kindness and Light. And then share it with others.

This doesn't mean that I won't vent. I get irritated too. I get lost in the crowd. I get frustrated. But I try to get perspective. And then I try to share it with others. It's hard, because there are times people do not want perspective. Sometimes they just want to be right. Sometimes they just want vindication. And sometimes they just want to be heard  as well. It's okay. Perspective comes sooner or later. I would rather have someone gain perspective on me and my actions than have them assume the worst. This is what I try to do for others and this is how I try to look at life. It actually brings peace. But sometimes it's hard to make my voice heard especially if it doesn't jive with what is going on around me. It's shocking, I know. But I do have opinions and at times I will speak up.

The fact of the matter is that we were all given brains and hearts so that we could use them. I'm 48 years old now. I'm finding it's time to stand up for things. I'm finding it's okay to have an opinion. I'm finding it's okay to express myself and there is a way to do it kindly and with dignity. I'm finding not everyone has to agree with me and it is okay just like I don't have to agree with them and it's okay. For the most part... If you are kind, and trying to do good, I won't have much of a problem with you. But if you are being unfair and mean I might have to say something. The point of all this is that somewhere, sometime, even in the life of one that is faint of heart, you've got to stand up. And I'm going to try. I will do it kindly. I will do it with a conscience. I will do it diplomatically. I will not do it because I need to win, or because I need to be right. I will do it because I want to do what's right. I want to make my voice heard in good things. I want to make a difference. And I will be grateful.