Negative Charge

Yesterday I  walked into a teacher's classroom. She had a word up on her white board with the definition- that word was flummoxed. It was interesting because her kids had never heard that word, but I have been feeling flummoxed for quite some time.

flummoxed: the act of being perplexed or bewildered

Yes, I am flummoxed.  I have realized that there are people all around us who actually look for reasons to be upset. People who refuse to see the good. People who take on everything-not to help someone  else, but turn it into something about themselves. There are people who look for rain instead of rainbows. There are people who see silver linings not as beauty, but as a bright light that is too much for their eyes to handle. There are people who take something bad that happened to someone else, and have to turn it into a  bad thing that they've experienced. They always have to have it worse than you do. Some people get irritated if you try to show them a bright side. They don't want perspective. They don't want to help, or receive help for that matter. They want to feel vindicated and justified in their feelings.  And they want you to agree with them.  They don't want to find any Silver Linings. They just want to enjoy their misery. Optimally, it would be nice to just let them. But letting people bask in the gloom of their own making is not the reason we are here on earth, and I have found that once someone sets off a negative charge around me- it affects me. And I don't like it. The mood changes, the energy takes a new path, the chest pains begin.  I work to resist the damaging mood, but the more I'm around it, the harder it is to resist. I don't understand why someone wouldn't just want to focus on the good, and that's just me. But it's hard on me. It affects my soul and makes my heart ache-literally.

Let me just say that there is a big difference between sharing anecdotal stories of "I’ve been there, done that" and putting gasoline on the fire of negativity. It always feels good to know you’re not going through something alone. Sharing stories of support and "I understand  what you’re going through" can be welcome-and even healing.  Dumping a "life is awful and the world is against us" attitude just makes things worse. That is why I look for good. And boy do I get it for that sometimes. I don't know if others feel guilt for not seeing it themselves, or they want someone to agree with them on all the bad, or if it is just getting harder to find goodness in this world, but feeling the constant drain of negativity sounds exhausting to me. It makes me weak me just hearing about it. Yet there is a need in every person to express...and sometimes those expressions are hard to take. Especially if they are repeatedly full of dread and darkness.  After awhile it makes it hard to find the light.

Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants a voice and for their views to have bearing in matters of importance. It is natural to want to be understood. As I wade through this life I have come to realize that there's another way to view this. While it's not wrong to want to be understood, maybe the better choice is to be  understanding. To listen with the intent to understand. To gain perspective. To entertain the thoughts and emotions of others. And to look for good. Finding good is how I survive. It is how I make it through hardships, it's how I forgive, it's how I rebound and heal. It's how I build others, it's how I find love to give, it's how I find beauty. It's how I count blessings.

 

Counting Blessings

I know that I go Pollyanna on this subject quite often, but as of late, I have had an epiphany of sorts. In wanting to be understood myself, and begging for others to see the good in me, it hit me that looking for good is more than looking for a bright side or good quality. I ask God daily to help me see the good in others, the good in situations, the good in all things. I also ask Him to help others see good in me-that it will shine from my eyes and my heart will be felt by those around me. I want very desperately to make a difference and do it right. This has been a constant pleading of mine and in a true "Come to Jesus" moment that left me gasping for breath and gulping back sobs, it struck my heart deeply that looking for good means looking for God. Yes, you read that correctly. God is good. So in looking for good, we will find Him. Wowzers! Oh how I needed this message to stand out to me. This soothed me on so many levels. It answered prayers. This gave me great comfort because if I can find good, and in doing so find God, I must be doing something right. And I am grateful.