What a Waste

Man!  Life is so short.  It goes so fast.  I was watching a baby food commercial last night and I realized I no longer have kids.  I have grown up adults that I gave birth to, but their childhood is over. Of course I always want them to nurture the kid inside them,  but for all practical purposes they are adults. I wish I had listened to other people when they told me to savor every moment and to leave the chores for another day because the kids would grow up before I could even blink. Boy is it true. I loved every minute of raising my babies, even the hard minutes.

 

Meanwhile, everything else in life passes quickly as well. I don't know where the time goes. Mortality is short. We think we have forever to get things done, and before we know it, time is up. I'm turning 48 next week. So roughly  half of my life is over, if not more. I have been through 2 cancer scares, heart surgery, and a total hysterectomy-with lots of sketchy instances in between.  So, more than once I have worried I wouldn't be there for my family and friends. I have worried about dying and feeling I haven't accomplished all that I need to in this life. I fret abut missing chances. I want to overcome my anxieties and live life to the fullest, getting as much as I can out of my lifespan as I can. I have said before that I feel one of my main purposes in life is to spread light and seek out the best in everyone. While I am not perfect at it, it is still something I feel a drive to perfect as much as possible while here in mortality. Though I don't feel close to death just yet (I am convincing myself that 48 is still spring chickenish, right?) I know that time will continue to march on at a faster pace with each year. So I am almost frantic to make those connections with others before I'm not here to do it anymore . I will forever be grateful that I saw my dad as much as I did and we said what needed to be said while he was still here. I still talk to him often, but it's just not the same as being with him, hugging him in his mortal form, and showing my love to him in person. Those moments can't be replaced.

 I was telling someone the other day that I am terrified of wasting time when it comes to people and time with them. I don't want to meet my maker and have Him say, "What a waste. I gave you life. I gave you chances to spend time with people, make memories with them and make a difference. Why didn't you do it?" That is truly my worst fear-wasting time NOT doing the things on earth while I have a body to do so. I know we are all busy. There are a lot of things in our lives that take time and energy. Sometimes we really can't do it all. But I believe that God gives us chances to do good things. I try to listen when He tells me to do something. I'm learning to listen to those gut feelings. They have never let me down.  I have had to take chances in my job, my choices, my travels, and with the people I love. I have not regretted them. I'm better for them. There are times I am scared, or I think I'm not strong enough, but I am learning I need to take the chance, because I don't know how many chances I will get. . I don't want to waste them. I want to be grateful.