MOXIE

Moxie: noun force of character, determination, or nerve.

Yup, I got a blue streak to go with my blue streak.

Yeah, this has been missing in my life. I have been letting life run me over and I've had a hard time getting traction again. I need my moxie. I'm getting it back. Oh, it has been a process. Every time I get going on it, I falter and fall down, but I'm getting to the point that each time I get up, I do it with a little more strength and a lot more determination.

I have always said I have an ability to rally quickly-and believe me I still have it. But I have had to really work for it. I have had to reach into the furthest depths of my soul to scrounge for and cling to every bit of spunk and boldness and tenacity I can muster just to make it through a day. Mind you, I have gone through stuff- big stuff...through my whole life. Just like everyone! I've had to pull out the big guns before. I've had to bear burdens.  I've suffered loss and rejection. I've been through physical infirmities and life-altering diagnoses.  And I have always made it through...quite usually stronger and better, and hopefully smarter and more empathetic. But strength is harder for me to muster right now. I know, I know. People tell me I need to cut myself a little slack. But I want to be strong and share  strength with others. I realize I've been through alot...just in the last 8 months alone. I've been through a major gutting, the loss of my father, personal tragedies, changes in my job and the loss of a great boss, upheavals and adjustments, and the normal grievances that life throws at you. I know my body alone is trying to heal and rally after all it has been through. The rest of me is trying to catch up. That takes a lot of fortitude- and I've been exhausted clamoring for it. Maybe that's the trouble.

BUT-I believe in angels. I believe they are everywhere-all the time. Heavenly ones, earthly ones, some that we see, and some that we don't. Though I have felt weak for quite some time, I really have felt the strength of angels. So many of them from so many places. When I had my hysterectomy in the Fall, I had angels come out of the woodwork. Ones that attended me and sustained me, fed me and visited me, brought me books, prayed for me, and helped me cling to sanity while being in convalescence for 6 weeks. Then when my dad died shortly after that, angels appeared from his life and mine to lift and love my family through the grief. I felt forces from Heaven gather around me to lift me up and encourage me to keep going. There have been heavenly beings in my home, silently busying themselves in the work of bolstering me and my family, helping us to carry on. As problems and instances that drag me down present themselves in my life, there is always someone there to make it better. Whether from Heaven or from my own neighborhood, whether from my own home or family, whether from long lost daughters or friends from work, whether from my angel dad or Chad's angel brother, someone is always there to make sure I get up and keep going. So I guess I am realizing that maybe, just maybe if I stop expending all my energy on clamoring and fighting for peace and stability...I can just notice and accept the miracles of those things showing up. I can watch for angels instead of begging Heaven for them. God knows what I need and has never faltered in His love for me. I am so grateful for the love He has sent to me to strengthen me and keep me moving forward. Thanks to all the angels in my life-both from Heaven and the ones here on earth that I am blessed to know and love.  Thank you for the prayers, the texts, the call, notes, gifts, love and encouragement. I can do this, and I hope to pay it forward with my hope and light. You have saved me, you've helped me get my moxie back on track, and I am grateful.

A handful of the angels in my life-there

are so many more...