Fughget About It

A while ago my family sat in a meeting for my church. One of the speakers gave a talk that started out with some alarming stories, but it all led up to forgiveness. Forgiving and forgetting when you are wronged. He gave some counsel to not only forgive, but to forget entirely the wrongs that are sent our way. We expect to be forgiven completely; the Lord expects the same of us.

I will say that I forgive pretty easily. Sometimes I have to process my feelings for a time, but I can usually forgive relatively quickly. I love always, and I think that is the reason I can let things go. I love you even when you are bad to me. I guess I shouldn't publicize that, but it's true, so I should be big enough to admit it. Forgetting takes a bit more time. But I am realizing it's an important ingredient in forgiveness.

I understand what forgiveness does for the soul. It is cleansing. It has a regenerating quality about it. Forgiveness builds up instead of tearing down. I believe in it. However, I have experienced the "salt-in-the-wound" effect that running into a situation that you forgave, but haven't forgotten yet can present. All the time spent soul searching and cleansing gets sucked into a vortex for just a moment and the fear of getting hurt yet again resurfaces. Especially if you have never gotten an apology, or if it has happened repeatedly. And I do realize that there are so many times we humans get upset over things that the other person never has any idea they have ever done to us. But it hurts nonetheless. My wise husband thinks that forgetting means we no longer dwell on the incident-that it doesn't consume us anymore. I like that answer. Especially since situations teach us and we don't want to forget the lessons, just the pain.

Chad and I have discussed this at length. I think it comes down to a trust issue. Now I am no monk on the mountain, but I think that there are times that we have actually done the forgiving and the forgetting, but the trust has not been built again. And that becomes its own separate entity. I think trust can be gained again, but it is not automatic, and it probably shouldn't be. It keeps us aware if we  are looking for reasons to trust, and it makes us search for goodness in others who have hurt us.

MY LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. MY TRUST IS NOT.

Maybe it comes down to work, and the understanding that we are all on this journey called life~living and learning and hopefully growing. Love helps a lot, but the fact of the matter is we are human. That I get the chance to be so makes me grateful.