Fughget About It

A while ago my family sat in a meeting for my church. One of the speakers gave a talk that started out with some alarming stories, but it all led up to forgiveness. Forgiving and forgetting when you are wronged. He gave some counsel to not only forgive, but to forget entirely the wrongs that are sent our way. We expect to be forgiven completely; the Lord expects the same of us.

I will say that I forgive pretty easily. Sometimes I have to process my feelings for a time, but I can usually forgive relatively quickly. I love always, and I think that is the reason I can let things go. I love you even when you are bad to me. I guess I shouldn't publicize that, but it's true, so I should be big enough to admit it. Forgetting takes a bit more time. But I am realizing it's an important ingredient in forgiveness.

I understand what forgiveness does for the soul. It is cleansing. It has a regenerating quality about it. Forgiveness builds up instead of tearing down. I believe in it. However, I have experienced the "salt-in-the-wound" effect that running into a situation that you forgave, but haven't forgotten yet can present. All the time spent soul searching and cleansing gets sucked into a vortex for just a moment and the fear of getting hurt yet again resurfaces. Especially if you have never gotten an apology, or if it has happened repeatedly. And I do realize that there are so many times we humans get upset over things that the other person never has any idea they have ever done to us. But it hurts nonetheless. My wise husband thinks that forgetting means we no longer dwell on the incident-that it doesn't consume us anymore. I like that answer. Especially since situations teach us and we don't want to forget the lessons, just the pain.

Chad and I have discussed this at length. I think it comes down to a trust issue. Now I am no monk on the mountain, but I think that there are times that we have actually done the forgiving and the forgetting, but the trust has not been built again. And that becomes its own separate entity. I think trust can be gained again, but it is not automatic, and it probably shouldn't be. It keeps us aware if we  are looking for reasons to trust, and it makes us search for goodness in others who have hurt us.

MY LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. MY TRUST IS NOT.

Maybe it comes down to work, and the understanding that we are all on this journey called life~living and learning and hopefully growing. Love helps a lot, but the fact of the matter is we are human. That I get the chance to be so makes me grateful.

My Own Drum

I have always been one to march to the beat of my own drum. I have enjoyed the freedom of not having to be "like everyone else". I'm not one to follow trends or feel like I need to have the latest, greatest whatever. I wore black  and paisley in high school and listened to everything from alternative 80's music to Christmas classics. When I watch home shows my brain rebels wildly when "stainless steel appliances", "neutral tones"  and "natural light" are the themes of every single episode. I guess I don't like it that some unseen person in some obscure location is telling me what I should and should not have in my home, when I feel it is my taste and comfort that should be experienced in my own personal space. Although I don't think I have ever set out to rebel against anything, I realize sometimes my actions have proven that I don't like to be caged in  by someone else's rules. Unless I know those rules to work for me and my well being. Then it becomes another matter entirely.

I have had friends through the years ask me why I am bound to the beliefs and teachings of my church. I have a simple answer. They work for me. They keep me focused. They keep me working on improving myself and making a life with good outcomes instead of hard consequences. I readily admit that I have failed at times to follow good advice and counsel. Those times have resulted in hard lessons learned and growth I did not want to have to experience. I would rather learn from others' mistakes than have to learn myself the hard way. But I am grateful I have learned. I have learned to consider the possible outcomes to my decisions and weigh the consequences that would come from said decisions. A show of personality or tenacity is necessary for the things we really believe in, but the act of rebelling for the sake of showing defiance is in most cases not worth the end result. "Because I can" doesn't seem like a good enough reason to throw good sense out the window.  My parents spent my entire life trying to instill common sense and good values into me. And yes, there were times when I barreled through life, wanting to show my independence, and learned quickly (and sometimes not so quickly) that those things my parents had been drilling into my head made a lot of sense.  They kept me safe, they gave me a clear head, they kept my body and mind clean. In reality, those pieces of advice and caution made me happy if I followed them.

Every person on earth has to learn. The process can be relatively easy if we let it be, but then it can also be some of the worst drudgery around. Humans have a tendency to go too far. Proving a point soon becomes the point of no return....or at least a hard return anyway. I guess what I am trying to process in my own mind with this onslaught of words is that  I think it is great to want to be your own person. It is amazing to go through the journey of self discovery and find that you don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. But in that process, I think it's important to hold on to the things that are grounding and sensible, and not throw them away for the sake of "being yourself". You can be yourself and still do the right thing. You can be unique and still choose good things. You can show independence and still agree with good, old fashioned common sense. So go find you, but do it carefully. Sometimes those boundaries we fight against can be the very things that save us.

Grateful that Chad sees the uniqueness in me, but also loves  me for the
good sense my parents instilled in me.