Warning: Danger Ahead

You know how they say you shouldn't shop when you're hungry? Well, I probably shouldn't blog when I'm emotional (or tired, either), but I am. 

Emotional, that is. And tired. And I'm blogging anyway. The good news is that I'm a bundle of all kinds of emotions right now so you'll get the whole gamut-the good, bad, happy, sad...the whole bit. 

The great part is that I feel good times are ahead. I feel like life has a chance of getting better and less exhausting and less emotionally taxing. I'm hoping this is the case. There's a lot to be ironed out in just my own corner of the world-let alone our country and the entire globe, for that matter. But in one weekend alone I have experienced joy, amazement, gratitude and miracles along with all the crummy things life hands out with unrelenting generosity. Though I enjoy roller coasters of the amusement sort, I don't relish the emotional ones. By the same token, I am so grateful for the good things that come with the bad things so the bad things can be softened. Even the crummy stuff is easier to handle if you get some hope thrown in the mix. 

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I apologise ahead of time for the naughty word!
I'm generally not a cursing person but sometimes it just fits. Please dont judge me! 🤣

Because I don't want to bore anyone, and because the details are mine, I will just get to the meat of the matter. It will be random, and unbiased-it's just the stuff rolling around in my head. No one is targeted (good or bad) and there is no expectation of response or assistance. I just appreciate the ability to purge my heart and soul in a forum I can navigate better than I do thinking on my feet. Thank you for your patience-the process is not sure -it's just a matter of getting it out. SO strap yourself in...the roller coaster is about to begin!

Above all, I am ever so entirely grateful for the people in my life. I have been blessed with such goodness surrounding me. I have wonderful good, amazing examples of kindness, patience, hope, and brilliant minds in everyone I know. I am in awe of who I am surrounded by in every part of my life. The friendships I have gained throughout my life-some of them even before this life-astound me. They make me humble and grateful. That being said, I KNOW I am not perfect, and I know relationships are not perfect. Some are easier to maintain, and some are harder to understand. If I have learned anything in this life, it's that it takes your WHOLE life to figure people out. Circumstances change often. There are hardly ever times where things stay the same. So relationships readjust on a continual basis. The love and care might not change, but the dynamics can sure make you wonder some days. 

                      BUT-I love you. 

For the record-if I love you-if I have ever loved you, that WILL NEVER CHANGE. No circumstance, situation or event will change the fact that I love you. Things may, however, change the way I perceive your love, your intentions, or if I can trust you. If you are part of my life, you have a piece of my heart. It is irrevocable. It is yours to keep. Please treat it well. I will work to always treat you well, and I have a fervent hope that you will shelter that little piece of my heart I have entrusted to your care-at the same time promising to take care of all the parts of you that I can. The whole you. I hope the tradeoff is worth it to you. It sure is to me. 

I am amazed at the resilience of the human body, mind and spirit. I have seen people make it through things they never dreamed they would encounter. I have watched people keep going when I felt I would have quit long ago. But then I have ridden some of life's scarier trains that  I know others would have jumped off of miles ago. We are amazing. Humans are incredible. I have watched lives turn around on the momentum of one thought that changed everything. Some of them are going from worrisome situations to something they know will be better for them in the long run, and some have looked at the situation in front of them and thrown everything out the window over a bad day. I'm not judging. I am aware. And I have the same hope for everyone-that we can make it through whatever we need to to get to the best US possible. 

Then there are the people who don't seem to have a choice at all. That scares me and even burns me. I have a hard time putting my real feelings out there because the backlash that occurs in this world over opinions just astounds me. But...one thing I will never back down on is being an advocate for the children-my own children, the ones in  my school, and those all around me. Because sometimes we don't listen to them and they don't have a chance to use their voices-and the adults are in charge. So in the kids' eyes, that is that- and no one cares. These kids have followed blindly while we shoved all our rules and mandates down their throats. They have had to just follow along and conform-even when they have been scared, and uncomfortable and have no idea whey their little lives changed on a dime and everything they knew was tossed aside for the adults' agenda. I am sure that sounds harsh, but I am with them every day. Watching them, helping them, comforting them. We are all so amazed at how well they "conform" and "adjust", and YES, it's a miracle. But they have not had a choice. The higher ups made it for them. And they have done what we asked. They are tired. They want their innocent lives back. They want to be kids. They ask me every day when it will be over. That's a hard one to answer. My fervent hope is soon. When you look at the children around you, YES!-absolutely marvel at how well they have done. But remember they did it for all of the higher ups and because they are good, obedient kids who were given no choice. Be grateful they are who they are. Think about THEM from here on out as we go forward. Continue to be amazed, and consider them when you make any decision that will affect them. Encourage those in places to make decisions to consider the children. That's all I ask. 

There's more. There's always more. 

*I am grateful for blue skies. I am tired of being trapped in my life and not being able to travel at will. I love time with my family. 

*I'm scared of the things that happen in my country and the finger pointing that is so out of control it's frightening. I'm grateful for the good souls that reach out and help and do the right thing under any and every circumstance. I'm scared of my freedoms being trampled on and losing the things that have made America the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. I am grateful there are still patriots who will stand up for this great land; people who understand the concept of patriotism-brave men and women who realize the blessing it really is. 

*I can't breathe, but I'm grateful for modern medicine, a phenomenal doctor, a great boss and co-workers who are willing to step in and help me without batting an eye. I am EXTENSIVELY grateful to those who have shown concern for my health and understand the sacrifices I have made for others to feel safe and comfortable. Thank you for understanding I need to be healthy now. You'll never know what that means to me. To understand that I mean something is very humbling. I am so grateful for kind and generous hearts that work for my well being. 

*I miss people who don't seem to be as close me-because of distance or time, whether they are busy or have things they are dealing with, are restrained because of mandates and recommendations, or just need a change from Heather scenery. But I love them nonetheless because love never dies. It grows, and there's always room for more with plenty to go around. 

*I get frustrated when life feels heavy and I let it get to me, but I also realize I am human and I can't always hold the world up. Sometimes I need to share the burden and I'm grateful for the people that assist me in this. 

*Family is important, and many times family reaches far beyond anything that binds us together as blood. By the same token, sometimes blood is not enough to bring people together, so we make the family we need in those around us. It's all good and all rewarding. And painful. 

                                                                                                                    And needed. 

*I'm scared that time goes too fast and that we waste so many opportunities to connect and preserve relationships, but I know life is hard and we can't do it all. I love having the chance to do kind things for others and am so grateful for the kindnesses given to me. I see the clouds of doom and gloom in the world, but search every moment for light and silver linings and I will never give up. I understand cruelty is part of life, but I seek to erase it with kindness and show there is infinitely more kindness in the world than the alternative. I will always yearn for travel and adventure but I am content with my home. I fight anxiety and sadness, weariness and loneliness, but the important part is that I FIGHT. Kindness, hope, and love are my weapons. And I am grateful. 

This is War

I had the most fun and interesting and exhausting day the other day at work. As each round of shots is given in our school district,  the people receiving them are often ill the next day; thus leaving an entire school district short on substitutes. When this happens, we all step in to cover classrooms while still trying to perform all the other duties we are supposed to take care of every day. I was tired. I'm always tired. I think the world is tired. It was one of those mornings I would have called in sick if I didn't already have the feeling I would be needed that day. I dragged  myself out of bed, did my hour of yoga, and hauled my sorry rear to school. Upon getting there I could tell immediately that all areas of our school would be running short-staffed. I clocked in and made it out of the main office without being "caught" and headed to my office. I was wearing an outfit without any pockets to keep my phone in, and as I grabbed it out of my school bag, I could see the office of my school had been calling. Then I knew I was on the line, and that I needed to gather all my strength to go face the day. Now let's be clear-I LOVE MY JOB! I love the kids, I love the environment, I love the fulfillment, and I love the people. But I also have a set schedule each day in which I have to complete many various tasks all over the school. It is a hectic schedule without anything extra. We all joke that we need bathroom passes like we give to the kids-because there are days you can't find time to make it up the hallway to the restroom. You just push the thought of a break out of your mind and hope you get everything done in the amount of time you have been given. 

At any rate, I went to receive my instructions and get going on my day. I found out I was going to kindergarten! I love kindergarten, but I know it takes loads of energy to keep up with those kiddos, especially in a year where we are bending to mandates and experiencing one-to-one electronics in teaching. Luckily, a couple of my co-workers were already in there for groups and were monumental in me getting a good start. We tried to make sense of the schedule and how we could fit everything that we needed to cover along with making sure our kindergarteners were taken care of. Let me just say I work with some of the finest, most wonderful people on the planet. Everyone involved in making this day work was kind, accommodating and supportive. Understand that if I am covering something that is not one of my usual assignments, there is always another person or persons that will be affected. Someone always loses something. But because I have this incredible work village, we got it ironed out. And for the most part, I got to be in Kindergarten for the day. 

I am a person who is in no way perfect, but it really helps me to perform well if I know what is coming and I have a schedule or outline that I have been able to spend time figuring out. The teacher I subbed for is magnificent, and had a very detailed schedule for me. My only problem was trying to decipher it while taking care of 25 five year olds. Let's be fair, some of them are six year olds! But figuring out 4 pages of instruction while trying to keep that many kids safe and focused proved to be a little rough. I think I did most of what was needed. No one was bleeding or crying when they went home....

Actually we had a pretty good morning. We had fun, we got work done, everyone went home in one piece, and I got to experience those precious souls. I felt pretty good as I walked in the door from getting kids safely to their rides, and realized I had to sanitize the whole room and then go take care of my 3rd grade lunch and recess. I am not complaining. It makes a day go by fast when you're on the move like that, and I got to enjoy it, to boot. But I had to hustle. I got the room looking quite sparkly and headed to the lunchroom, happy to see my 3rd graders. All the while I was thinking to myself, "As soon as this is over, I get to go have round two in kindergarten. I hope I'm still standing when the day is over." Ha!

Yes, I am still recovering from my little death debacle in December. It is hard for me to accept that this will be an ongoing thing for me well after Covid is gone. Once that mandate has ended,  my lungs still have to recover for a good 6-12 months sans the mask. I have to nap daily, and I am not a sleeper. I am a GOER. I like to get stuff done. Rest is good, but I hate having to do it so often. I realized I had much more ahead of me than behind me,  so I prayed I would make it. 

Moving on..... the afternoon went well. My comrades in arms helped again, and by the time my kindergarteners were ready to come in from recess, I only had 30 more minutes to get through. 

Of course, I had 4 kids crying when they came in. It was time for math, but the whole class was up in arms, telling me who had done what, screaming and crying and pointing fingers. Hysteria ensued for just a minute. When the name calling began, being me, I called a cease-fire and settled them in for a serious little life lesson in kindness. We talked and the talk was good. We learned about opposing character traits. That we all have them. That just because someone has a bad moment, it doesn't mean they are bad. It means they had a moment of a less appealing trait arise, and that there also is an opposing trait in them that is good. Sometimes these traits are at war with each other, and we have to decide which one will win. Which one we want others to remember. There were some mighty grown up thoughts that came out of the mouths of the babes in that class. It humbled me. It gave me perspective and gratitude and faith in the future. I was blessed to be in with those precious souls that day. Math wasn't as long as the lesson plans called for, but we got a lot of important work done in kindergarten. And I am grateful. 

Die Another Day

I know it has been awhile. I honestly have not been able to gather the energy to focus my thoughts on... well...anything. My head is heavy. I am slow. I am behind. I don't do much but go to work. I have to save the mask wearing for work, so I don't get to go to church or shopping or anything because it takes too much out of me to wear it everywhere. I have become a homebody, and I feel like I am missing out on life, though conditions aren't letting many of us go live anyway. Not in the way we should be. But I do  realize I left everyone with kind of a cliffhanger with my last blog  https://paisleyglasses.blogspot.com/2021/, so I am here to make amends. I have been called out, and I apologize it has taken me this long to write again. 

First things first. I am doing fine. I am not healthy,  but I am also not dead, or on the brink of death. I will say my family and I are all suffering from some PTSD. When my breath gets short and my chest feels tight I panic-not as much as I did the first month after my episode, but it still comes. I am still not above 70% of my lung capacity, but I am gaining a little bit of strength and my oxygen concentrator helps. It's the first thing I do when I wake up and the first thing I do when I come home from work; turn that puppy on and breathe that oxygen in. I don't love being tied to something like that when I am only 50 years old, although Chad did get me a 50 foot hose so I can go anywhere in the house and still be getting oxygen, and I am truly grateful for it. I huff and puff more than I want to, and it makes me nervous, but I am learning how to somewhat manage my waves of terror. Putting anything over my face makes me shake...literally...and I have to take Xanax before I put anything on on to go into work. My daughters get a look of alarm if they see I am struggling to breathe, and cling to me a little tighter. I cling to them a little tighter as well. And poor Chad, who literally held my life in his hands, and was responsible for bringing me back to it, well....he's a hero. He holds it in well but he watches me closely and I can see the terror come back to haunt him. We get daily reminders-and flashbacks. But daily doses of faith and gratitude as well. 

People have been good to me. I have had friends check on me regularly, co-workers and people in church who have been willing to take over some of my responsibilities when I have to rest, and bosses and supervisors who have been very understanding and accommodating. I hate feeling weak. We all do. I work very hard to make conscious efforts for my health and stay physically strong. This one caught me unawares. When something of this magnitude happens and your life flickers out for a moment, your first impulse isn't to run around telling everyone about it, but you tell the people who you know it will most immediately affect and the people who know something big went on at your house.  I have tried to put as much information out there as I thought was needed, but not run around telling everyone I have already had a death date. Yes, that is what my doctor said...."Do you realize you already have a death date? Hopefully your next one will be a long time from now." It's sobering, and humbling, but also wonderful that I can be able to say I made it through my first one. At any rate, I am understanding that more people were affected by learning of my experience than I thought. Friends. Neighbors. Clergy. Even some of my kiddos at school have heard from their parents or people in their neighborhoods or other adults, and they have been worried without me even knowing. I had a group of kids today that showed me just how distraught they were. It broke my heart and made me feel loved all at the same time. We had a big discussion about health and miracles and caring about people. Not a lot of reading was done, but a lot of learning and character growth was accomplished in that room-not only for those kids, but for me as well. There were a lot of feels in that room. It was an exercise of trust, respect, and care. We bonded. I'm grateful for it. I have always had an open heart, but that made it crack wide open. 

I realize that I frightened people. It was not by my own choosing, but it happened just the same. It scared me more than I can convey. It terrified me. It terrified my family. It showed me that God loves me and that I am strong in spite of all I have gone through. If you found out after the fact and it hurt you that you didn't know, I am sorry. I was literally in survival mode. If it scared you that you almost lost me, I am sorry, but I am here. I plan on staying as long as the Good Lord lets me. 

So, for now, I am taking each new day. Some days feel somewhat normal. Some days I can't get out of bed, or even catch my breath. Some days my heart acts up because my oxygen levels are low, and some days, my lungs are so happy because we have a green air day and I get to be outside for recess. Some days I get more done than others, and some days I'm lucky if all I do is make it through work. Most days I long for fresh ocean air on beautiful warm beaches, where I can soak up the moisture from the sea air and gulp in as much oxygen as my body can handle. But all days I am grateful. For life, for love, for friends. for miracles, for oxygen machines and doctors, and care. All days I am grateful for family, my job, my community, and my faith. All days, I count the miracles. All days I look UP....even when my body is dragging me down. All days I am grateful for ALL the things I CAN do. All days I love. All days I care. All days I want to be the good. All days I am grateful.

And as a post note, but not really, because it has touched all of us so deeply, THANK YOU. Thank you for making me feel worth your time and effort and love and offers. Thank you for calls and cards and food and texts. Thank you for checking on my family as well. Thank you for being the Lord's hands in helping to take care of my family and of me-for showing us the good. For being the Good. YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE. WE LOVE YOU.

Enough

The complaining part will be over quickly. I promise. 

I've had it. I am so tired. Tired of this virus, tired of ten days turning to three weeks to ten months. Tired of lies and misinformation. Tired of politics. Tired of finger pointing. Tired of guesses and cover ups and sickness. Tired of not seeing faces or feeling warm hugs. Tired of smiling and knowing you can't see that I am. Tired of loneliness. Tired of not living fully. 

I'm not the only one. The world is weary.          What I also am, though, is proud we have made it this far...through more than we thought we would have to. I am grateful for all the people who have tried to help and encourage and lift during this time-those who have tried to lighten the load instead of add to the burden and chaos. I am amazed at the faith and resilience of those around me-especially the children who follow us, trusting that the adults around them are making the best decisions for them.  This is such a foreign world that we have thrust them into-and just expected them to roll with it, while we bumble through decision making for "everyone's"  benefit-even though no one is the same. I am humbled by the kindness of those around me who are going through their own trials, yet reach out and offer even more than they have just to make the world around them better. That's what this is all about. How we will rise to this. That is the part that matters. I am touched by the care than has been given to me-by my family, my friends, co-workers, neighbors, and doctor-who, for the record goes above and beyond anything a doctor should have to-all for my benefit and well being. He is stellar, and I pray he is blessed for it. 

I like to think I have handled my part with grace and kindness. I have tried not to be vocal. I have been wary since the get-go. I knew the second I saw the protective measures we are being mandated to take that my life would take a turn and that I would suffer because of it. I did it anyway. My job and my kids at school have been worth it. I have tried to make sure the care I have for others in the world has been manifest as I have followed the mandates, though I collapse on a regular basis. But this is what you do if you are a good person. And I am. 

Send me an angel

So good I almost became an angel. I have had close calls and have experienced times where I worried about losing my life, but I have never actually had my father there waiting for me until last week. I had to tell him I wasn't ready. 3 times. As my dad, I know he understood because my Heavenly Father was the one who saved me along with all the people who worked on me physically to resuscitate me, inject life saving epinephrine into me, and stuff the right drugs into me until I could breathe. If I thought there was terror in being stung by a bee and wondering if I would live, this was no comparison as far as fear goes. It's not even apples to apples. It's apples to whales. I honestly thought my family would have planned a funeral and I would be one with the earth right now. I stopped breathing. I closed up. My lungs were in a vice grip. I couldn't take in air. I disappeared from my body and went dark. I was pulled back by quick thinking on Chad's part. He stuck with me the whole way through. But knowing I was being pulled from this life sent me into a panic attack like I have never before experienced (and I am very experienced with them!) I know being pulled from my family and all the people I love spurred more panic which resulted in a cycle that took over 24 hours to break. Today I feel like a horse is on my chest instead of an elephant. Toxic carbon dioxide build up. It's real. Builds up over time. Over months. It changed my life. Now I have decisions to make and plans to put into action to be able to stay alive while trying to live under these conditions. I'm not being dramatic. This experience was dramatic. Dramatic enough for me to be intensely frightened, and truly humbled. I don't have to make the drama up. It accompanied the experience in high volumes. 

I am not here to argue any issue. I am not here to change minds. But I knew from the first buzzword of mandated measures that my life was going to change-and not in a good way. I knew it would affect my health-both physical and emotional. I knew I would have to make sacrifices to stay at my job and stay in the world. I hate curbside shopping. I honestly don't love grocery shopping at all, other than the fact that I have the most amazing Walmart buddy, Meghan, to go with me. We laugh and bond and egg each other on every time we go shopping-and I miss it.  The physical freedom of being there in the store is something I miss. There is something wonderful in being able to walk through a store and realize, "oh-we are out of that" or "that would be useful in my life" or "that is a great deal" as opposed to making a list that someone else gathers for you and hope you remembered all the little things. I do, however, realize that it is a blessing to be able to get my groceries this way right now. It takes undue pressure away from my family  so I have to be grateful it is something that can happen. Rest assured I am looking for every blessing. I am blessed to be alive. Truly blessed. I have gathered every scrap of sunshine and hope that I can from this experience. It became the catalyst in me being able to get oxygen in my home to help offset the oxygen I am not getting if I am out and about. I am truly grateful for that.

Ending note.....oh that's a hard one. Gratitude for sure. Joy in being alive. Wariness in what is ahead and how I can become whole in this world we live in. To find good in all things for sure.  Always. 

And then there's the title. Enough. I have had enough of the crummy, selfish, sad, and heart-wrenching things that are going on in our world. But to that I say....enough!!!  I'm tired of just sitting. Quite literally. Stand up. Be kind. BE THE GOOD. When you have had enough, do something. DO something different. Move. Be grateful you can. I'll move with you. And I will be grateful. So grateful. I'm alive-yet again. So I am grateful.

What a Hole!

 

Is that this year or what? The never ending, enormous, soul stealing, hope sucking, exhausting hole-the pit of despair-2020. I have always thought it...not quite comical, but amusing at the end of each year when it is posted that 'this was the worst year ever' and the next year will be better. Yes, as a perpetual Sally Sunshine I honestly don't think I have ended a year thinking this was the worst one ever, but I might be persuaded to consider it this year. Even in my hardest times, the naïve positivity that persists in my tiny brain and huge heart makes me think that tomorrow, or even an hour from now will be better. Let's not call a whole year awful because awful things happened. But I'm kinda feeling like I have to concede a bit. 

Life is full of bumps and hardships. The good things are just a bonus. Getting through the muck in one piece can be hard. There are times it feels the world is just "spewing crap"....to coin the phrase of an acquaintance from India who was visiting and talking about our country. (And let me tell you, hearing him say this in his native accent was one of the greatest things I have ever heard. We still talk about it in our house to this day.) I get it. Politics, division, the (new) C word that makes me want to vomit because I have heard it so much (and YES, we have all had it, been through it, and come out the other side. I realize not everyone is so lucky.) Vaccinations, earthquakes, windstorms of epic proportions, mandates, divorce, arguments, not being able to get medical care for something that is NOT the C word. Human trafficking, injustice, name-calling if you don't side with the latest band-wagon, closures, job loss, depression, lies and cover-ups, riots, snowstorms that dump 5 feet and leave people in Japan stranded for over 40 hours on freeways.  40HOURS!!!!!!!!! Travel bans, loss of loved ones from the C word, loss of loved ones NOT from the C word. Shouting matches, shaming, "catching" people with phones and telling on neighbors...I know. Sounds like an apocalypse movie. Do I have your attention? Do you relate to any of those things? Wanna know best part, or actually the WORST part is in dealing with all this? We have been having to do it in isolation-without human touch, or even human expression, because now our expression is hidden. We don't even look at each other as we pass in the store. We are hidden. Some people, who were already lonely, are experiencing so much more isolation than we even grasp. It crushes my soul. The need to protect is real, but human touch is proving to be a greater need sometimes. I have a friend who died. Not from the C word. Her worst fear was never hugging her children again. And her worst fear was realized. She had not hugged her children for over 10 months when she passed away, alone, in her own home. Heart wrenching, no matter how it is handled.

I have myself only experienced some of those things, along with my own tricky trials. But I hate being alone. I hate loneliness, and we have created a world of perpetual loneliness. When I am alone with my thoughts, sometimes things feel worse than they really are. 

I am not going through trials while everyone else in the world sails on. The cross to bear is quite heavy for all. When you throw your own personal issues in, it gets real. Health, relationships, grief, money, time....it's a lot. Then there are the demons that haunt all of us. Why can't we shut the door on those and let them be done? I can't tell you the answer to that. We cling to our demons like a lifeline when we should be cutting the cord and then decimating them with a fervor that is unmatched. I have been successful in getting rid of some of my demons this year, if only because there has been way too much time to think. But the time gave me pause to think and work on some of those ghosts and lay them to rest.  It also took the help of heaven and inspired words from those around me. It does feel good to  have slayed some of those things that have haunted me through the years. There are more. There always are. So I soldier on. But as to an answer for how to put all of them to rest, well...let me know if you find a solution. The only thing I can say is sometimes it gets to a point when you don't just realize, but embrace and actually accept that the past is truly the past, and it is in your rear view mirror. You CANNOT, and I stress this CANNOT change the past. Once you realize this, slaying some of the demons becomes a tiny bit easier.                                        So there's a glimmer of hope to grab on to. Hope it helps a bit.

All in all, when it comes down to it, life is hard. No one has an easy road, even if it looks that way. Somehow, in many ways, humans have to experience the whole gamut of emotions and feelings. While it is not fun, one thing that holds great value that trials can produce is empathy. Sympathy is wonderful, but it produces bandwagons and followings that aren't always understood, and it feels great to belong to a cause and care. True empathy-feeling what another feels and experiencing things that someone else has produces an entirely new level of compassion and strength that you cannot get any other way. And while none of our experiences are exactly the same-how could they be....we are individuals... there are enough factors that can be similar enough to affect stirrings in our souls that say "I have been there.  Lean on me, because I understand how you feel." NOT I know  how you feel, but I understand. That creates love on a whole new level. And then you have evolved, and improved yourself in ways that we are meant to in this test called life. Progress is never all at once, and sometimes it is unbearably slow. But it can remain steady if we let it. That doesn't mean there won't be interruptions here and there. But in reality, none of us are happy if we aren't moving somewhere-and we are meant to move FORWARD. No one likes going backwards, while ruts and standstills are just as defeating. I have found the key in continually moving forward is knowing it won't be perfect. And understanding that every small movement forward is cause for joy. Every happy moment, every tiny blessing, every smile, every feel-good moment needs to be treasured and stored away so when we hit those ruts we have something to sustain us. Obviously having peeps and a village can add tremendously to our successes, so treasure those people and let them help you. Let them give you perspective and hope and bits of wisdom. I promise the hole will not seem nearly as big or oppressive if you gather your village and treasure each moment while looking to improve one tiny thing in the world around you. It ripples out. It makes a difference, and makes us crave more of the goodness, perpetuating all things good. Yes, even amidst the bad. 2021 has every potential to be better. And I am grateful.