Pieces of Peace

I am not a physically strong person. I try, but am not. This has been a very physically trying week. When I have one of those weeks I am really good at beating myself up over it. Last year at girls camp my heart went crazy during the "big hike". I was terrified I would be on the news being airlifted out of Snow Canyon. Blessedly, Chad was there with me and through much patience got me out of there. I have never gotten over the embarrassment of almost-but not quite (less than 1/2 a mile from our destination!) making it. I know people that have energy from the moment they get up until they go to bed. I'm jealous. I have never been that way. I have family members who train for marathons while I know that is physically impossible for me. I'm lucky if I get a mile done on my treadmill a few times a week. Don't get me wrong...I have absolutely no desire to run marathons,  but the fact that I can't do it frustrates me. And granted, a decent bedtime might help my situation a little. The fact of the matter is that I had a lot of expectations on me this week and I fell short of a lot of them. For each day that I got through, the next one was more wearying. I didn't sleep well, I had nightmares when I did, and I had nausea that wouldn't go away. So I worried about the things I was not getting done. Which made me more weary. See the cycle?

I depend on inspiration quite often to keep me focused. I am blessed that during this week of self-doubt I was also blessed with plenty of inspiration. When I listened, I was able to be calm. I knew who to talk to, and who to listen to. I had to remember that sometimes we have to wait for answers and results. I knew there were people who were just fine without me and that I had to rely on the fact that I had taken care of some of these responsibilities months ago-and l had to be at peace about it. Above all, I had to look for peaceful, calming moments and trust that God was giving those gifts to me. Here are some of the pieces of peace that got me through my week.

Watching Santino Fontana sing with the  Mormon Tabernacle Choir
last week ~and remembering the exhilaration and inspiration this week

Being on Temple Square with Meghan and Emma and her family got my spirit
ready for the week ahead.

Enjoying the beauty that God has placed on the earth

Loving happy moments-even someone else's

Spending time with my parents

Sitting in my piece of paradise right outside my back door

Just Another Day in Paradise

With the wedding and all the catch up after it, I've almost forgotten to revel a little in our pre-wedding cruise experience. I have gotten pictures up on Facebook every so often, but part of me needs to relive paradise. I realize that for much of the world, experiences like  our cruise are once-in-a-lifetime chances, and I am so very grateful I have been blessed enough to see wonderful places and meet wonderful people on our trip.

Our first picture upon boarding the Disney Dream

The time I spent with my family was the absolute best part of our cruise. We grew together in many ways. This trip was emotionally charged. We knew when we got back that life was going to change drastically for us. Cassie got married less that 2 weeks after our return, and that was in the back of our minds during the cruise. We had to work through a few tears and anxieties, but we all felt better for the closeness we gained from it.

Leaving Port Canaveral

One of the things our family realized is that there are people who enjoy travel and places of paradise on a regular, if not every day basis. Just seeing some of the homes in the Bahamas was mind-bending. We felt so blessed to have our week there. The fact that we have to save, plan, and work hard for our trips to paradise make them all the more special to us. I am in awe every time I experience a wonder with my family. I admit I get very emotional while I am having these adventures. Time passes so quickly and it has gone so fast while raising my children. I always wonder if I have really cherished and made the most of everyday moments. You never miss the little things until they are gone.

Pirate Night

Fireworks at sea

So although we were quite literally in paradise for a time, I do understand that paradise is with my family. My family is changing. I am willing myself to recognize that paradise can change too. So I plan to make the most of whatever paradise I get.

Castaway Cay-the best reason for a Disney Cruise!

Ah-island life





When Sore Trials Come Upon You

I am normally one who likes to concentrate on the positive and see the good in life. Even when things are hard, I like to put a positive spin on it, and look for the blessings that have come from it. I will always look for silver linings. I will always look for good.

BUT. I have had trials. Many of them. From the day to day struggles of every day life to health issues to loss and loneliness.  I am like the rest of the world and have been tested to past what I thought my limit was. I have been dragged through Hell. I have lived through things I thought would kill me. No one is immune. No one's life is perfect.

The date today is one that has traditionally been extremely bittersweet for me. It signifies the occurrence of one of the greatest joys I've experienced and one of the most devastating losses I've ever endured.

I am not going to burden my readers with the details, but be assured I know first hand what loss is. I know the bitter taste of loneliness and the heart~wrenching, soul~twisting feeling of utter despair. I do not want to get dramatic or melancholy, but want it to be known I am not just a sympathizer~but a true empathizer of pain.

That being said, and I hope understood, I will testify that there is always hope. There is always a way out of the darkness. There is a God, and He can love you through anything. He can show you light in the darkest of places.  I'm a believer that once you have had part of your heart ripped out-you never get over it-but you can get THROUGH it. And come out the other side knowing you were blessed. Knowing who loves you. Knowing you have strength in ways you never dreamed you could.

One more thing I've found out. Service really does help. By some divine coincidence I always seem to do some kind of service on this day. Today it was several hours of hard, physical, hot work with a youth group and a scout working for his Eagle. If nothing else it helped keep my mind from wondering to that dark place it escapes to sometimes. But it made me feel good too.

So today I'm okay. The hurt is always present but it has been patched over with the kindness of others, the blessings from God, the hope of the future, and the realization that I am getting through. Seeing the blessings. Seeing the light. I am grateful.

All That Glitters

I am trying to catch back up with my life in the wedding and cruise aftermath. I am putting things away, moving things, organizing, cleaning, and thinking. A lot.



One of the kissing balls with over 100 hand made roses

The wedding was marvelous. I could not have asked for a more blessed experience. Lots of fun, happiness, love, warmth, food, friendship and joy came from it. Not to mention plenty of glitter. I absolutely relished preparing for and creating the decorations for Cassie and Stephen's wedding. I love creating and this filled a long neglected void for me. But as I have been dismantling and putting away all of the glitz and glitter, I realize the "glitter" in the whole experience was the people. I have the most wonderful son-in-law. He is funny, kind, handsome, good-hearted, smart, and most of all, he adores Cassie. His family is just as wonderful. We received help from, interacted with, and enjoyed time with so many wonderful people during all of this. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a hard time with crowds and social situations. I LOVE PEOPLE. But socializing is an awkward experience for me. I absolutely enjoyed my social experiences during the weeks before and during the wedding. I saw people I miss, people I love, people I admire, and people I don't even know very well throughout this process. And I loved it. I loved the reception. To my husband's utter dismay, I told him we should have a gathering like the reception once a month just so we could see all those amazing people in one place again.

Centerpieces

Okay-maybe that is overboard, but my point is that it's not the glitter, the decorations, the cake, the invitations or gifts that make an event-but the PEOPLE . And they made ours. I know I'm blessed. I know what matters. I'm grateful for the people that make my life better. They are my glitter.

Cassie is Married (and it took a village!)

It's been too long since I've blogged. I've missed it. I have a good excuse...a wedding. My daughter Cassie's wedding.

Cassie 's life was a little complicated as she grew up. She needed a lot of help and understanding of her sensitive little spirit. It took a village of wonderful, caring inspired people to help us raise her into the beautiful, accomplished, sweet woman she is today. I am forever grateful to the people that I know were Heaven~sent into her life. Our family has benefitted greatly from the forever friendships that have been formed with these people...and all because of Cassie.

On a side note, one of the KEY players in Cassie's life has been her sister, Meghan. Meghan has been the glue that kept us together, the encouragement that made us go on, the LIGHT that kept us shining, the happiness that made it worth it, and the joy that completed our family.  And she misses her sis!

Meghan and Cassie with Stephen and his parents (Diana & Rod)

For months before Cassie's wedding, we debated where to have her reception. Chad is a busy man. I know, we are ALL busy people, but Chad is always busy helping someone else. This is a wonderful trait I see in him, but it also means there is not much time left over for our projects-including my back yard. Chad really wanted to have the reception in our yard and I wanted to have it in a place that was, well....finished. We've had a pit that was "going to be a deck" dug in our yard for 4 years.  Chad reasoned with me and won-we put our home as the venue on the invitations. So we were committed. I don't know that I have ever felt more stress knowing what had to be done. It was an IMPOSSIBLE task. On our list was the deck, a patio, flower beds, trim on our windows and a huge clean up.


The "deck"

12 days before the reception, an army showed up. It was an army of builders, planners, workers, planters, root~diggers, meal~makers, well wishers and do~gooders. The army changed in personnel by the hour, but there was always one here. An army of our friends and neighbors. An army of peope we love. I've cried for 2 weeks~and it's not because Cassie got married. It's because my heart is so full of gratitude for the people that fill my life. The job got done. My yard is beautiful. I wish I had taken many more before and after photos to prove what a miracle has taken place. The event was beautiful on so many levels~one of them being that the people who came and gave and loved were a part of it. My joy is full. Cassie is married to a wonderful man. God sent an army to us. And I am grateful!

The DECK!!

One Light, One Sun

One of my favorite books that I used to read to the children in my preschool and then later to my own children is One Light, One Sun by Raffi. It is actually the lyrics to Raffi's song in book form. The gist of the words in this song are that we are all one no matter what race, religion, or culture we belong to. I'm grateful my parents raised me to believe this message. I was raised all over the United States and have appreciated the easy way that my parents led us in embracing all people no matter where we happened to be. This example set the pattern for my life and I see an apparent love for all mankind in my children already.

This idea of embracing all people becomes very exciting to my family when we are able to travel outside our comfort zone (literally and figuratively) and be in places where we are exposed to amazing people we might otherwise never  meet. Our recent cruise to the Bahamas was a grand adventure in color and culture and we could not have enjoyed it more. We loved it, reveled in it, and were amazed. Just the variety of colors in people is so beautiful and fascinating! On our cruise we were reacquainted with a dear friend of ours named Annie. Annie is from France and has the most beautiful skin. She is warm and genuine and beautiful. I feel like we knew her in heaven and we are so very blessed we have been able to see her twice now in our travels.

Annie and the girls

Annie and Meghan on Pirate Night

Annie congratulating Cassie on her engagement

Just writing about this makes me emotional. Annie and the others we met on our cruise are burned into our hearts. Richie from Jamaica is a huge, beautiful, happy man. To see this big man leaning over a 2 year old to cut up chicken was the cutest thing I've ever seen. It warmed me to the depths of my soul. Our Head Server, Celo is from Turkey. He said that now we were all together, we would be family. I love that! These people are family. Now and forever.


Celo and the girls



Richie and the girls on Pirate Night

I love the fact that we can be one. I feel so very blessed to be able to have met these beautiful people and to have seen so many more from all walks of life. They each have a place in my heart. The best part is, these is still a ton of room left for many, many more. And I am grateful.

Now bear with me as I post photos of our journey....a little at a time.

The hug goodbye-with a great photobomb by Meghan

Seatbelts everybody!

To the airport

I LOVE flying! Can't wait to get there.

My handsome chauffer

Seated for takeoff

READY for takeoff!

On the runway

BEST MOMENT OF ALL~takeoff!!!

The Disney Fantasy leaving Port Canaveral, FL  the day before our cruise.
We saw this from our hotel balcony.

Fantasy

The pier just yards from our hotel in Cocoa Beach, FL



Through the Good and the Bad and Ugly

Our lives are speeding by. I'm planning a wedding that is less than a month away. We are going on a week long cruise that I'm trying to get ready for. I am trying to finish up my work for the year at my school. I am worrying about my ailing dad and wondering if I am going to get to be his kidney donor.  I feel like I catch a part of my day and grab on as quickly as I can then hold on for the ride to the end of the day, and hope I make it through without wrecking too much or flubbing too many of my words up. As much as I like to make every moment count, I realize some days are just going to be a drill in survival mode. I've given a lot of thought recently to what the word patience really means. I'm realizing it contains a very lengthy definition to be properly understood. I'm working on a blog post about patience, but it is for another day.

Today, I want to focus on the good things each stressful day brings, and mention that survival really does bring out some of the best that's within us. With each hurdle I jump I find strength and find pleasure in the simplest of things just because they have made my day better.

A simple, happy moment.

I got a new CD this week. I've been raving about a song on it for months now. American Authors has a song called Best Day of My Life. If I listen to that song, it is.....the best day of my life. That song makes me happy in an instant. It makes me grateful and reminds me I have the power to make each day the best-through the good, the bad, and the ugly. I highly recommend the whole CD. Every song on it is good. Every song is upbeat. Every song has a message or something I can relate to. A simple CD and I'm having a great day. Some days a simple thing is all it takes. And I'm grateful.