Indescribably

My heart and mind cannot cope with the things going on around me so I am taking a different track. A track that is gorgeous. It's lovely. It's indescribably beautiful!

As we have been pretty much trapped in our surroundings for the last 16 months, and have had to cancel 3 vacations because the places we were planning on going to were still too closed up to go to, we took a road trip. A flipping LONG, but indescribably beautiful road trip. It started out with basics and morphed into so much more. What started out as a trek to take our married kiddos to see some of the sights we were able to see on an earlier trip turned into a trip of colors  and nature and new friends that were really old friends and miracles and movie sets and wonder. I knew from the moment we decided to go that it was meant to be, but the things that followed were just straight out of a fantasy novel.

We started out as normal, packed to the gills, music blaring and kids laughing in the back. Around lunch time, we stopped in a town a couple of hours in and went in to get food. I always pay for food and all the extras on our trip, so I was at the counter, paying up, and Meghan came running to me. "Mom. MOM! Heather!!!!" (this is what she does when I haven't answered to "mom" yet.) She grabbed my hand and pulled me through the restaurant, while I was worried about them giving me our food. She told me to COME NOW because it was "worth it". She took me to the table she had chosen and there, right on the seat was a dime. You know me and dimes. If I didn't know the trip was destined to be before, I did now. 

Thank you, Chick-fil-A 

We ended up in a charming town with some special people in it, and lots of color and adventure. We checked into a hotel, and then set off to a cave we had heard about. We had to climb around a little to get to the mouth of the cave, but when we arrived, I looked down and saw something shiny sticking out of the sandy entrance. I thought, "No way. Not here in the middle of nowhere." But IT WAS! There was a dime. I did a little dance and squeaked out a thank you towards heaven. Chad said, "People are going to think you won the lottery." And I said, "I did!"

Meghan collects pennies like I collect dimes. The next day we went around town seeing sights and touring landmarks. That evening, we planned on going to another cave. and as we headed out the door of the hotel, there on the ground next to the foundation was a bright, new 2021 penny. I squealed and told Meghan to pick it up. Little did we know that more miracles were in store. 

At this beautiful setting was a great landmark, but even better, a gift shop inside with a very special salesman. Upon walking in, we felt different. If you believe in spiritual things, know it was immediately a spiritual place for us. We poked around quite a while and when the previous customer left, we struck up a conversation with the salesman. He told us he had been waiting for us. Goodness and light emanated from him like a flame and he said the same of us-and that's how he knew we were the ones that he had been waiting to see. He had, in fact, waited a few years for us to walk in. We all felt we knew each other, and knew each other well. Love was already present between all of us. Wonderous things took place during our visit...very moving and personal stories were told, souls were touched, friendships from heaven were rekindled, and there was more love in that giftshop than I can quantify. We all hugged and told each other "I love you" before we left.  We knew we were led there and supposed to be in that place at that exact moment. On the way out, we actually passed his wife. We recognized her from the picture he kept on the wall. We had to go sit down outside to ponder in wonder and gratitude for awhile before we were able to leave this place. We will never forget it.

A dinosaur to boot!!!

To learn more about this precious gem go to: https://www.moqui-cave.com/

We got to travel even more. We went through copious varieties of country from lush forests, to dry, tumbleweed desert, to sandy beaches of Lone Rock beach Lake Powell to stand where one of our favorite stars, with whom we have met and hugged as well, filmed a very emotional scene for one of the episodes of his series. It was thrilling. The water was gorgeous, if low, the sun was bright, if hot, and the sky was so blue. Best of all, it was full of people. Happy people out LIVING! We all beamed at each other, so happy to see each others smiles. There was a kinship just through being there, out, together, sharing and enjoying. We relished our time relaxing and grilling and laughing in the sun. This is something we don't normally get to do very often so it was the bomb. And we don't even own a boat!! As we left, my son-in-law found a dime and five pennies on the ground! Heaven was spurring us on indeed. 

The dime from Lone Rock Beach

We flew down the road even further to a glorious dam and met some wonderful people, and their dog, Daisy. The dam was an incredible structure of mammoth proportions and also a location of filming for our before mentioned series. Up a little further was Horseshoe Bend-a spectacular formation at the bottom of the canyon that we got to catch at sunset. A glorious sight. We could not get over the beauty we saw everywhere we went. Those coins we had gathered took us a long way.

Glendale Dam

Horseshoe Bend

As we headed back, the night was dark, and we pulled over in the desert where no lights were on. Without the light pollution, the stars were clearer than I have seen them in a long time. I felt like it was a lightshow just for us with shooting stars and the whole bit. 

On our last full day we headed to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. We have not been to that area before and it was gorgeous. There was a breeze there. and plenty of people, but not too crowded. The drive was lovely. Much of the forest before the canyon had burned and new life was peeking through. It soon turned into lush forests, and then to the most magnificent creation-the Grand Canyon. It took our breath away. Almost too much. Within 5 minutes I had been pushed by some kids running by and ended up sliding and falling so close to the edge of the canyon wall I hardly dared breathe. Which Meghan and I were having a hard time doing already because of our asthma-thereby causing altitude sickness and heart palpitations. I knew I would feel that fall come nighttime, but the wonders of that canyon were too spectacular to miss. We went to many areas to look in awe at the majesty of the land before us. It was humbling and breathtaking, and made us realize how really small we are in this world. We left with a healthy dose of gratitude, wonder, and a bit of altitude sickness that will take us a few days to recover from. 

On the way home we were able to stop at another place that our married kiddos hadn't seen with us yet, and dropped by for another visit. There is a Krishna Temple in a very unexpected place a few hours south of our home. It houses animals, is a sanctuary, and has many festivals. It is beautiful! Very serene in the middle of everything going on in the city around it. Their star animal ( I think) is a bird that tells you "bye" with a deep pitched voice. The first few times you hear it, you look around for the man that is saying it. The sanctuary features llamas, peacocks, chickens, birds, and a bunny. Maybe even more we haven't seen. But it is a wonder for sure. Right in the middle of Utah! 

Make sure you turn your volume up. This is fabulous!

So in all the chaos and sadness and confusion of life, there are always wondrous things to find. It doesn't take the bad away or fix the thoughts that try to push me down the rabbit hole, but it reminds me of something bigger than me; someone watching over me and creating truly, breathtakingly, indescribably beautiful things for our pleasure and respite. It shows me miracles are possible and all around us. It shows me He (and by He, yes-I mean God) doesn't waste a stroke. It is beautiful. And I am SO VERY grateful.

Gut Punches

Why do humans remember dates? Anniversaries of events? Times of importance in our lives? Humans have a need to recall these reoccurring occasions and cling to the meanings behind them. Funny enough, it is one of my gifts, although I must say the last year I have been a little less reliable with all that has gone on in the world. But for most of my life, on any given day, I can wake up and know what that date means....someone's birthday, their anniversary, their "first" something.....I remember dates like nobody's business. There are so many dates filed away in my head I'm amazed there's room for anything else. Like what I went downstairs for. Or what I was going to get at the store. I remember dates that are obsolete to the life I am living, but they stay permanently fixed in my brain. There are so many times I am grateful for this memory splinter skill of mine. I am able to wish people happy birthdays and anniversaries, and do special things on these special days. There's a good chance if I have been told someone's birthday I will remember it forever. Or almost forever anyway. 

The down side of this skill is that I remember the less happy days that are part of the human experience as well. I know everyone has their own set of these. Days where they lost someone, there was a horrible event, or a day that changed lives in ways that cannot be taken back. The kicker is that I don't just remember my own. I remember all the ones I know in my circles of people (from the past up until just this minute) and I never know what to do with the information. Do I bring up the painful date and offer my love and compassion-as I pretty much know the other party will already be thinking of it, or do I stuff the date into the dark recesses of my brain so that I don't stir up pain for someone else? I don't know the answer to that, but I can tell you I try to listen to a still, small voice that usually tells me which way to handle the particular situation. I hope I get it right most of the time. 

Sometimes I'm not sure what to do about mine. Sure, I can try to stuff them away, but it rarely works. I am one of those people that always has way too many tabs open!!!

My brain is constantly in full tilt. Sometimes it is so full I pray to have things disappear from my mind for just a little while until I can recover from the angst I get from certain thoughts. By the same token, I never want to forget anything that makes me feel because A) Feeling makes you know you're alive and B) I need to care. So when I know one of those somber dates is looming, I try to prepare. I don't ever quite get there. They are still a punch to the gut every time-no matter how much time has passed. There's one on the horizon right now. 

Sarah Jane and me

Amy, Bethany, Me, Sarah Jane

Me with Sarah Jane who is holding Amy

The whole family

 Me, Sarah Jane and Amy on Easter

Sarah Jane. My sister. We lost her way too soon. The anniversary of her death is today, June 9. I never forget. I will never forget walking into my kitchen and seeing the look on my daughter's face as she talked on my phone. I instinctively knew my mom was on the other end of that call and that I had lost my sister. She wasn't sick, it was extremely unexpected, but in that moment I knew she was gone. The myriad of emotions raced through my mind and body, and I worried first about my mom (whose home Sarah Jane and her family were living in at the time) and Sarah Jane's husband and daughters. It was surreal and painful and just not right. Though I knew she was gone I could not believe she was gone. The last 3 years have been hard, and still, to this day, I find myself going to call her, or ask her something, or missing something she used to do. I can't get used to it. I do feel her around us at times and that is a comfort. But every day without her is hard. 

What I really try to do is find every good story-every good memory-every quality she has and think of those things on our sad anniversary of losing her. I think of the lives she touched and the friends she made and kept for life. I think of some of her good friends who have passed on as well and are there with her in heaven. I think of the students she had and helped in music, and the way she helped her husband through his schooling and placement into several organizations so he could  play beautiful music on the organ for them. I remember the way she loved to cook and that she passed her talents on to her girls. I remember her animated way of telling stories; she was fabulous with her gestures. Sarah Jane was also a talented writer who wrote beautiful things that could stir your soul. She wrote them as gifts, and if you have a poem of hers you are very blessed, because there are not very many I have seen. Sarah Jane loved to teach and she was good at it. She taught a Sunday School class in our church and many people have told me she was the best teacher they ever had in that capacity. She took on jobs that helped her learn to serve even better than she already did, and made many profound changes in the lives of the people she worked with. Sarah Jane worked in the food industry for quite some time. She was effective, efficient, and knew how to get things done. She had places running like clockwork. I wouldn't survive a day in that industry, but she made it look like a walk in the park. 

Sarah Jane was musically inclined and played the bassoon, the flute, the piccolo, the piano and even tried her hand at the trumpet. And she could sing, to boot! I don't have a musical bone in my body, although the way I sing at the top of my lungs as I'm flying down the road in my Blue Streak, you'd think I was fantasizing being on stage. 😂 Oh, I can carry a tune, it's just those off notes that come every now and then that throw me.  I have no control over when they hit-my voice just cheats on me and everyone in the vicinity pays! But Sarah Jane encouraged music in everyone. She gave so much to marching band and band camps. Such talent. Such joy in the process and production. It was her passion. 

Sarah Jane could organize like nobody's business. She could put an event together lickety split! All the details would be managed perfectly. When my dad died, she was right there with mom and the funeral director making sure every job was done and every need met. When she passed, we needed her to help plan her service! Although her husband, with his girls and my mom, did a BEAUTIFUL job in putting it together, taking inspiration and using it to make a memorable service that Sarah Jane, I'm sure, is proud of. 

The memories. Not all of them good, but we're a family, and one that is not perfect. I think it's pretty cool we're not perfect, though of course we all strive to get as close as we can. It's a work in progress. But the memories keep me going. Her laugh. Her animation. Trips. Camping. Concerts and football games. Parties and dates. Family dinners. Pinto beans. Costco cake. Brandon's concerts. The girls' competitions. Laughing, crying, confiding, praying, staying close after hardships. Christmas Eve with our Mexican feast, luminaries, sky lanterns, and Brandon's performance at midnight to bring in Christmas day with his stirring rendition of Silent Night that brings me to my knees. Her determination to forgive. Her testimony of Christ and what He did for us. Her knowledge that we will be together as a family in Heaven some day. Her love of family. Her love, period. What she gave to this world cannot be replaced, but it can be carried on. In remembering her, her contributions and talents, love and compassion, we can keep her close and make her memory live on. I don't like this date. It's a hard day. I wish it wasn't one I have to remember. But then again, I get to reflect on her, and love her from afar, though I have a feeling she is really not very far away at all. And I am grateful.