Down Shifting

I have a Ford Mustang that I just love. It's fun, it's pretty, it (can) go fast, and it has a 6 speed manual transmission. THIS IS MY FAVORITE FEATURE OF THE CAR!! I love engaging each gear as I put the clutch down. I love connecting with the car and feeling each shift of the gears as I go through them. My daughter has asked me why I take certain routes with more turns and stop signs. My reply? "So I can shift more!"  I have said before I feel like Jack Sparrow and his ship, the Black Pearl. That Mustang is freedom to me. I have also been known to say that my car could be a rust bucket and I would still be filled with joy every time I drive it-just because of the sheer and pure excitement in shifting that baby and driving care free. I don't know what it is about a manual that makes it so much fun for me. Maybe it's because that is how I learned to drive. Maybe it's because my dad had an awesome Jetta that he would let me zip around in on special occasions. Or maybe it's because there's nothing like the feeling of being one with the machine and having it respond to each shift. It's exhilarating! The transmission is superb. The outside is just icing on the cake.

              

My blue streak also gives me time to think when I'm out and about-windows down, radio loud, wind in my hair...freedom at its finest. The restraints of stress are alleviated-if only for the miles that I am driving. The cares of the world get further away in the rear view mirror and I am totally immersed in the privilege of  FEELING- one of the greatest gifts a human can experience. In leaving the bad juju behind, I revel in the good. I revel in the love. So as I move forward in this piece, I am going to downshift- I'm going to forget the bad...the news, the disappointments, the pain, and the weight of the world and think about the one thing that brings me complete joy.....LOVE. I LOVE, I love fully, deeply, and under all conditions. I love through the good, the bad and the ugly. No matter the situation, whether I agree or not, whether I am hurt or not, whether that love is reciprocated or not, I LOVE. Some people ask me how I do it, or if I am faking it. I can tell you with 100% certainty that there is no faking involved. I don't know whether it is a blessing or a curse some days, but I love regardless. I can't help it. I can't stop it. And I really don't want to. There are myriads of things that I love but I know I can't share it all now. Nevertheless, I have to name a few. So....I love....

-People. I am grateful for EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Of course my family and my peeps are at the top of the list. But connections are key to living. Even the bad ones. You get something from EVERY person if you make even the slightest effort to do so. 

Co-workers

Keil Family Reunion

Disney Geeks

Highschool Besties

Long lost daughter and friend forever

-Music. It gets me going, brightens my day, fuels emotions, and can take me from sad to happy faster than teenagers can wolf a pizza.

Going to see our boys!!

American Authors

-Traveling. Near, far, new places, or revisited favorites. If I didn't have to work and had unlimited funds, traveling is all I'd do.

Maho Beach St. Maarten

Nassau, Bahamas

Disney's Castaway Cay

Las Vegas

Chinatown LA

San Fransisco

-On that note...beaches...oceans..... Especially the kind where the water is so clear you can see down to the floor of the ocean. It calms and exhilarates me.

-My job. working with elementary school aged kids. I love them. I love seeing their successes. I love what I do.

-Cleaning. Yes, cleaning. It is one of the rare things in life where you can accomplish something and always see results. It is a stress reliever and a confidence builder, because I am thorough, quick and efficient. 

-Lightning and thunder. Oh I love it! It THRILLS me! It shows me there is a God and reminds me there is something FAR greater and bigger than me. 

-Writing. It loosens my "tongue" and pent up emotions. It helps me sort, convey, and relate. 

-Smells. There is always a memory or event that I can connect with a smell. I collect them and stash them away to draw on for any emotion I may experience.

-Other people's joy and successes. I am truly joyful when you succeed. I am elated for your happiness and joy. I am excited for your opportunities and adventures. I WANT you to be happy! 

-Movies. There's one for every mood. A lesson in each one. An emotion to elicit. An adventure waiting to happen. 

               

-Pens. That's right. The simple joy of writing with a good pen that flows well and looks great on paper. Sharpies are some of my favorites. 

-Laughter. Best all around sound and cure for pretty much anything.

Dad laughing on his last Christmas Eve with us.

This man's laugh of pure joy just delights me!!.
To see the full commercial, which is darling, go here :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzM4L_grN8w

-Food. Some of my favorites are Mexican. TACOS are THE BOMB. My number one go-to food. But I love food. It ignites a party for your taste buds while providing memories, good conversation, and fuel for the adventures in life. 

-Sour candy. Fruity candy. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's that I'm allergic to so many fresh fruits-yet I LOVE fruit. The sour is a sensation that I have always loved experiencing. It makes me feel alive.

                

-Beauty products. I don't use 75%  of what I have but I love having it. Everything from make-up to lotion to nail polishes and soaps. They make me feel pampered and taken care of. 

Kind of embarrassed to admit this is just the tip of the iceberg!

-Patriotism. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY. I respect it,  I feel blessed to live here and  I am so

grateful for the men and women who fight to keep me here and fight for the freedoms our country hold dear-the principles this great country was founded on.

My patriotic side kick and me!

-Kindness. No action does more. It changes people, brings out our humanity, makes the giver and the receiver feel good, and it just makes the world a better place!

-Cleverness. I don't own much of it. I so enjoy a clever and witty mind. I appreciate it because I don't have that come naturally. I can do clever things, but it's not just right there waiting for me like it is for some people. I love clever dialogue, jokes, and stories. They make me happy. 

-Fireworks. I love them. Every single time I see them. They spark joy in me and ignite the dreams I harbor inside. I hate missing them. I could stay out and watch them all night. I never get tired of them. They are magical. 

-Christmas Spirit. Yes, I'm saying that in July. I don't care when you have it or how you show it but I LOVE Christmas spirit anytime, anywhere. I love decorations, music, lights, movies, good deeds, food, candy, carols, church services, you name it. Sending cards to Joshua Says Hello https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/ ....It all feels good. It looks lovely. It warms the heart and touches the soul, and makes the world just a little bit softer and a lot kinder. It can only make a better world to always have Christmas spirit in your heart. And I am grateful.

https://kutv.com/news/local/disabled-idaho-man-wants-your-christmas-cards-all-for-a-good-cause

https://www.facebook.com/Joshua-Says-Hello-879986225412142/

NOT TODAY, PAL!

If you are like most humans, the concept of time travel is at the very least interesting, and at the most, INCREDIBLE! As a fan-girl of Marvel, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and Doctor Who (up through #12), the idea of traveling through time seems possible, while fantastical. If you have ever watched a show that infuses the concept of time travel, you will notice a common theme is that while traveling through space and time is wonderful and highly desired, it always includes problems that accompany the manipulating of time. The complications that arise through time travel can sometimes be "fixed" but the alteration pretty much always changes one or more of the outcomes. So time travel...I don't know if it's "playing God",  or just playing, but it gives me pause.

With David Tennant, the 10th Doctor on Doctor WHO

Most of the people that know me or know of me through this blog, know that I have lost a grandmother on both sides of my family, a father on both sides of my family, and a sibling on both sides as well. That's 6 people in the last 7 years...not including friends and other loved ones, as well as pets.  I know that doesn't make me special-people die every day and every death affects someone-usually many, many someones. I'm not looking for pity, just putting it out there that I understand loss.

I've said before that I am utterly and profoundly grateful that I have an eternal perspective. I know the people I have lost to death are safe and happy, and waiting to be reunited with me and others that they love and miss. This gives me comfort when I am mourning the absence of their physical selves in my life. There are times when I miss them more than usual. During an event we have experienced together, while hearing a song that reminds me of them, remembering special celebrations together, or while attending something that person has always been at with me... and now the loss of their presence makes it just a little less jovial than it would have been if they were there. I find normal, every day acts are the ones that hit me the hardest. A word, a smell, a phrase they would have used or appreciated. Their "favorite" swear word, the drink they loved most, the chair they used to sit in. Fireworks. Holidays. Dinners. Chores. Cars. The advice I need that only that person would have...my dad's favorite advice was, "Well pull your head out of your butt and do what you need to do!" (except he didn't say "butt"!)  😂😂 The fact remains that I miss my dad and my sister and my grandmother and those who have passed on the other side of the family as well. I wish life had Tivo so I could replay some of the wonderful memories I have with my loved ones. Heck. I would replay wonderful moments from my whole life with many people and places. But I think that's as far as I would go. Just re-living...not changing.

Alma

Daddy

Sasha

Blake

Grandma and Grandpa Pinson (with Quin in the middle)

Sarah and Robert Keil

Sarah Jane

Sophie

My dad and Sarah, his mother-in-law

I know that sounds strange. Though much of life is unexpected... and I am not one to think God sits up there and points his "death" finger at whomever He pleases, I know that everything in life has a purpose, and if it isn't apparent, it is up to us to find purpose in it. Senseless death is a hard one to grasp. Though it is not fair, it can't be changed-so I ask myself..."what are you going to take away from it?" Will to do better? Compassion for others? Empathy for those suffering and grieving? Lessons from the one who has passed? Pick one or find your own meaning in senseless things. I tend to think that's the only way we make it through them. I have spoken of the refiner's fire that I have been through for the past few years. Some of the hell that I have experienced I would wish on no other human being. But I like to think I am wiser, kinder, and more prepared for the latest round of shots to be fired into my life. If nothing else, I know I can weather them, because I have so far. I don't think I want to alter those things that I know and understand because of loss and tribulation. Of course I would rather not have to deal with the pain in the first place , but life is life, and if I must endure, I want to endure well.

Dad-and the ring I wear to remember him

The blue streak for dad too

The dime....

On another note, the old adage that "time heals all wounds", well...that just doesn't fly for me. I get the underlying sentiment. Time definitely places distance between you and the pain. There are detours, distractions, and the busy things in life that make it possible to think about more than just the pain. When grief first surfaces, it is so encompassing that it consumes every thought.  Then life~to our utter amazement ~goes on.  And then the most unexpected thing happens. We discover the luxury of being "busy people in a busy world" and funny enough, that takes the edge off the heartache. It never heals. It is ignored or tamped down or pushed to the back until we can learn to live with a whole new experience-never to be the same again. It becomes a new life. A new way of living with the pain, and if we accept this new way of living,  quite possibly helping someone through theirs.  I am grateful for that.

So time travel. Exciting? YES!!! Fantastical and amazing? Absolutely!! But changing the outcome...not my job. Not my right. Glimpses and memories of the past are good. I can't think too far into the future. So I will move forward one day at a time....living each day and trying to take something good from it even if it is painful. Happy for my gains....and I will be grateful.