NOT TODAY, PAL!

If you are like most humans, the concept of time travel is at the very least interesting, and at the most, INCREDIBLE! As a fan-girl of Marvel, Star Wars, Back to the Future, and Doctor Who (up through #12), the idea of traveling through time seems possible, while fantastical. If you have ever watched a show that infuses the concept of time travel, you will notice a common theme is that while traveling through space and time is wonderful and highly desired, it always includes problems that accompany the manipulating of time. The complications that arise through time travel can sometimes be "fixed" but the alteration pretty much always changes one or more of the outcomes. So time travel...I don't know if it's "playing God",  or just playing, but it gives me pause.

With David Tennant, the 10th Doctor on Doctor WHO

Most of the people that know me or know of me through this blog, know that I have lost a grandmother on both sides of my family, a father on both sides of my family, and a sibling on both sides as well. That's 6 people in the last 7 years...not including friends and other loved ones, as well as pets.  I know that doesn't make me special-people die every day and every death affects someone-usually many, many someones. I'm not looking for pity, just putting it out there that I understand loss.

I've said before that I am utterly and profoundly grateful that I have an eternal perspective. I know the people I have lost to death are safe and happy, and waiting to be reunited with me and others that they love and miss. This gives me comfort when I am mourning the absence of their physical selves in my life. There are times when I miss them more than usual. During an event we have experienced together, while hearing a song that reminds me of them, remembering special celebrations together, or while attending something that person has always been at with me... and now the loss of their presence makes it just a little less jovial than it would have been if they were there. I find normal, every day acts are the ones that hit me the hardest. A word, a smell, a phrase they would have used or appreciated. Their "favorite" swear word, the drink they loved most, the chair they used to sit in. Fireworks. Holidays. Dinners. Chores. Cars. The advice I need that only that person would have...my dad's favorite advice was, "Well pull your head out of your butt and do what you need to do!" (except he didn't say "butt"!)  😂😂 The fact remains that I miss my dad and my sister and my grandmother and those who have passed on the other side of the family as well. I wish life had Tivo so I could replay some of the wonderful memories I have with my loved ones. Heck. I would replay wonderful moments from my whole life with many people and places. But I think that's as far as I would go. Just re-living...not changing.

Alma

Daddy

Sasha

Blake

Grandma and Grandpa Pinson (with Quin in the middle)

Sarah and Robert Keil

Sarah Jane

Sophie

My dad and Sarah, his mother-in-law

I know that sounds strange. Though much of life is unexpected... and I am not one to think God sits up there and points his "death" finger at whomever He pleases, I know that everything in life has a purpose, and if it isn't apparent, it is up to us to find purpose in it. Senseless death is a hard one to grasp. Though it is not fair, it can't be changed-so I ask myself..."what are you going to take away from it?" Will to do better? Compassion for others? Empathy for those suffering and grieving? Lessons from the one who has passed? Pick one or find your own meaning in senseless things. I tend to think that's the only way we make it through them. I have spoken of the refiner's fire that I have been through for the past few years. Some of the hell that I have experienced I would wish on no other human being. But I like to think I am wiser, kinder, and more prepared for the latest round of shots to be fired into my life. If nothing else, I know I can weather them, because I have so far. I don't think I want to alter those things that I know and understand because of loss and tribulation. Of course I would rather not have to deal with the pain in the first place , but life is life, and if I must endure, I want to endure well.

Dad-and the ring I wear to remember him

The blue streak for dad too

The dime....

On another note, the old adage that "time heals all wounds", well...that just doesn't fly for me. I get the underlying sentiment. Time definitely places distance between you and the pain. There are detours, distractions, and the busy things in life that make it possible to think about more than just the pain. When grief first surfaces, it is so encompassing that it consumes every thought.  Then life~to our utter amazement ~goes on.  And then the most unexpected thing happens. We discover the luxury of being "busy people in a busy world" and funny enough, that takes the edge off the heartache. It never heals. It is ignored or tamped down or pushed to the back until we can learn to live with a whole new experience-never to be the same again. It becomes a new life. A new way of living with the pain, and if we accept this new way of living,  quite possibly helping someone through theirs.  I am grateful for that.

So time travel. Exciting? YES!!! Fantastical and amazing? Absolutely!! But changing the outcome...not my job. Not my right. Glimpses and memories of the past are good. I can't think too far into the future. So I will move forward one day at a time....living each day and trying to take something good from it even if it is painful. Happy for my gains....and I will be grateful.