WHY BOTHER

The urge to blog has been nipping at my heels for weeks now.  I quite enjoy  writing,  and authoring a blog is a wonderful processing tool for me-but each time I start a post, I rely heavily on inspiration to understand what it really is that I need to say. Though I concentrate to be able to relay critical thoughts in my brain, my processor is slow and sluggish. Maybe it's bogged down with too much input right now. I can't seem to focus on any one line of thought,  and it's making me worry. I feel like a pot that is boiling over; each thought rolling over into a hundred others, then evaporating like droplets of water landing on a hot stove. Little snippets and ideas come to the surface with such speed that I can't define them before they are gone again. I cannot gather my thoughts and emotions into any cohesive arrangement, so as I struggle to articulate the reflections of my heart and mind, I worry that maybe there is just nothing left for me to say. That scares me. I feel I am just beginning to find my voice. It can't be over yet, can it? I want to make a difference. I want to  give perspective. I want to help the world understand that the little things matter, that love can save the world, and that there is always, always hope.

I have always been quiet. It is only in recent years that I have been able to put my innermost feelings and opinions out into the world-and I know my blog has helped to open that door. I knew exactly when I needed to start my blog, and I knew why. I began with only a few views. While I do not write for numbers, I admit that each time I see another one of my blogs has been viewed, I always hope that a heart has been touched. I feel I write much better than I speak.

But now, I feel I can't write either. Does that mean I have used up my purpose in writing?  Is my ability to affect the hearts and minds of the people out there obsolete?  Do I make a difference? Is my desire to share my love not worth the time anymore? Am I too repetitious in the things that I say? I don't know. I just don't know. And I think to myself....why bother?


Then I remember. I remember my promises. I remember my mission. I remember my job...my purpose....to spread love and light. My readership is down. I have a hard time finding time and energy to put out a blog. I wonder who I reach, or if I reach anyone at all. But I said I would do it. If I touch one person-just to make that person smile, or feel understood, or give them strength to go on...it's worth it.  It's worth it to me-whether anyone else wants to know what I have  to say or not. It helps ME to go on. It helps me to process. It makes me feel like I have made the effort to do my part. I do it with love.

The thing that helps me the most is that whenever I begin to doubt my responsibility, I  ALWAYS recieve confirmation that someone needed to hear what I was prompted to say. A note, a comment, a text or re-post...somehow I am blessed with reassurance from another soul. I can't tell you what that does for a self-doubter like me! It changes the game every time. I have said before that I listen to heaven and listen to my heart to know what to write about. It delights me to the core when I get feedback that I was a good listener-that I followed the prompting and it made a difference to someone. Anyone.

So, as usual, I am grateful. Grateful for affirmations, for promptings, and for ability to follow through. I am grateful that I am spurred on to "bother" with the things I do, and that there are people who actually care enough to listen. I am grateful as well that regardless of who reads my words, I always gain something from writing them. Perspective, insight, love for mankind, acknowledgement of blessings, and reassurance of my purpose. Most of all, I am grateful for you. You, the reader. You, who gives me reason to bother. You, who support me. You, who love me. Thank you. Yes. I am grateful.