Would You Like a Gift Receipt With That?

This one will be short. Time is precious and we are so close to Christmas. December goes too fast. I love the anticipation of getting to Christmas more than anything. The lights, the love, the decorations, the feelings of good will, the music, the messages, the LIGHT. The TRUE MEANING. One Heavenly Child sent to light up the world with goodness and love. Sent with the greatest gifts of peace, and hope and the love of His father-to share with the world and show the world how to keep sharing those gifts after He was gone.

Christmas focuses on giving, and I LOVE THAT! I love giving. It makes my heart joyful. But I know that receiving is important, too. To truly be happy, and be immersed in Christmas love, we have to be willing to receive it. To receive hope. To receive gestures of kindness. To open our hearts that have shrunk because of hurt or injustice, and expand them to unrestrained forgiveness and acceptance. To see the good in the giver-even if the giver isn't perfect. To take in love and let it change our hearts. To take the love that is given and pay it forward. That's what it's about. Love doesn't go one way. It goes many ways. It passes from giver to receiver, and then back again, and ripples outward from there to carry the currents that will turn into waves and change the world. So just remember this Christmas season that the way to keep Christmas spirit alive is to give -and then have the grace to RECEIVE as well. Everyone involved will be blessed and changed, and impacted. And I will be grateful. Chances are-you will too. Merry Christmas with

ALL MY LOVE TO YOU.

Please receive it. It comes directly from my heart.

You make me grateful.

IN ALL YOU SAY, IN ALL YOU DO, LET HIS LOVE SHINE ON THROUGH YOU.

ABSENCE

I'm not sure how I feel about the dark. Much of the time I hate it. I don't like night to come. I don't like darkness to take over. I don't want to go to bed. I don't want the monsters to come out. But dark has also been my friend. When I'm fighting a migraine, or feeling weary and worn, darkness provides reprieve and takes the edge off for me. Late night walks are one of the things I enjoy most in this world. There's something about being in nature late at night that clears my head and helps me breathe. Then again, nightmares lurk in the dark, and there lies the enigma-is the darkness my enemy or my friend?

Darkness is the absence of light...and I think that's what scares me. To be without it. My soul indelibly craves light, though my body craves dark when it needs sleep or freedom from pain. I think that the craving of light almost always wins with me, though. My spirit can't make it without light because it is so many things to me. Light is hope, it is joy, it is love, it is renewal. It is forgiveness and peace, it is reassurance and guidance. Light is what gives me the means to keep going. Without it I would flounder. I would cease to be able. I would wither.

There has been an absence of light in my soul this past year. I'm sorry I have let it flicker. I know one of my main purposes in life is to be a light. Though I have pursued it with all that is in me, I know I have been dimmer. I've been encouraged and questioned and even called out on it. And what a blessing it has been-to be called out...it made me wake up. So many of the wonderful influences in my life have asked me to come back-to be present, to keep giving light. I have had requests for more blogs. Friends have urged me to come out of my shell and into the light-to share and to give-even if it's only a little bit.  In a recent heart-to-heart with a dear friend of mine, she laid it right out..."Your light is dim." Me. My light. The one thing I know for certain I was blessed with...my light-is dim. I was stunned. But something in me was roused and I realized that somewhere along the way I convinced myself that since I was having a hard time being a light, I haven't deserved to receive any either. And it scared me.

Everyone deserves light. No matter what. No matter who you are, what you possess, what your weaknesses are, what you have done, what you regret...you deserve light. We all need it. Even me. Even when my light is dim. There is not a worthiness factor when it comes to light. It's a necessity. A basic need. Even those with hearts of stone need light. A little light can soften, brighten, encourage, exploit good. A sliver of light can illuminate the corners of the heart that haven't seen good, and provide enough radiance to open up the recesses therein. Dispersing ones light has been known to touch even the most darkened souls. It is a gift that is not meant to be denied anyone, and one that can benefit everyone.

At this most special time of the year, when there is so much light to be seen-both literally and figuratively, I am more grateful than usual. I am grateful for the light that has been given to me. For the love and encouragement that has kept me going when my light has been dim. For the reflection in others, for the flame that passes to me to keep mine from extinguishing. For that I am especially grateful-that even though mine gets dim, it is never gone. And that is my goal-my wish, my hearts desire, my mission-to keep light. To spread it. To share it. To deny NO ONE. To share what's been given to me. I'm so incredulous that God has placed lights around me in a continual flow throughout my lifetime, and that He has allowed me the privilege of endeavoring to be one to others. I yearn to shine. I hope to brighten. And I will truly be grateful.







Good? GRIEF!

Grief is described, by definition as:
noun

1. ~keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

2. ~a cause or occasion of keen distress or sorrow.

I'm a pro. I know a lot of people are. Once a person learns that loss is not only losing the physical presence of someone they love to the occurrence of death-and that loss includes people leaving your life, missing opportunities, not being able to love, tragedies, calamities, job loss, love lost in any form, and a plethora of other events-you can see that there is a lot more grief in this life to be experienced than that of death.

Dad's final resting place. I love the Christmas tree on his headstone.

I know he's smiling from Heaven over it.

But I still grieve over the death of my father. It's been a hard year-not just because of his passing. That was painful, but a lot of other painful things showed up in my life at the very time that he left us, and I am still trying to get through the mourning process. It has been slow going. I've had to put it on the back burner and deal with the other issues at hand. I've had to stuff it away so often that sometimes my grief sneaks up on me and knocks me over-leaving me breathless and helpless. I hurt without him. Every day. I am ecstatic for his freedom from pain and a body that was shutting down. I am comforted with the knowledge of Heaven and the workings of God and am quite sure Dad plays a role in helping the rest of us down here on earth. I am at peace that my dad and I said everything we needed to say to each other and that no matter when he left this earth, our relationship was secure. We KNOW we love each other. When he left we were SOLID. I will always be grateful for that. But I miss him. Especially now at this-HIS-most wonderful, favorite time of the year. My parents gave our family a love of Christmas and what it represents that is unrivaled by anyone I know. Christmas is love. It is giving-not just things, but heart and soul. I'm committed to it fully. Giving, loving, caring, sharing.

Yet I grieve over the caring and sharing and loving, and that I haven't done enough of them. I lament the  times I have not given...not followed through on a prompting to show someone I care. For the chances I have been offered to make a difference that I didn't take. For missed opportunities to show love or empathy or support. I mourn lost time. I agonize over missing the things we get to do only as mortals that we don't take advantage of.

On the other hand, it does make me very joyful that this time of year offers me even more chances to do those things so that the grief I experience over missing my dad doesn't take over. I don't have to grieve over missed chances if I take them and give as often as possible. I don't have to pine over should haves if I take the leap. So though I am very picky about where I put my efforts at Christmastime, I am jumping into any opportunity that helps me feel love, compassion, warmth, Christmas Spirit, and joy. I may not make it to every event, but the ones we have chosen so far, though bittersweet without my dad, have been balm to my soul and have fed my Christmas Spirit.

My Walmart buddy-we always have
adventures together!

Ogden Christmas Light Parade-this truck reminds us of my dad, whom the grandkids call "Papa".

As a steadfast believer in silver linings, I have been able to find them in grief as well. Is grief a good thing? I don't like the emotion itself but it does help me to live each moment. It helps me to REMEMBER. All the important things, people, events, miracles, and moments. It helps me to appreciate what I have. It helps me to invest in each opportunity. It helps me gather all the adventures a mortal can have. It gives me goals. It makes me want to pay it forward. It helps me to love-fully and completely. It helps me gather Christmas spirit in memory of dad-the lover of all things Christmas. And I am grateful.



THE REASON

Luminaria at Thanksgiving Point in Lehi, Utah...
a wonderland with magic, Christmas Spirit, fun, light, joy,
spirituality, and reverence. Everything needed for Christmas to
be enjoyed fully. I HIGHLY recommend it. Worth every penny.
https://thanksgivingpoint.org/events/luminaria/