Panic at the Disco

August. This is when panic hits my heart and my brain. I know I still have just over 2 weeks of summer left, but it has already gone so fast, and I know the next few weeks will be a blur of throwing as many activities into the mix as possible so that we feel like we lived EVERY second of summer. I have to admit that we have really done well this summer. We've had fun. We've relaxed. We've traveled. We are going to travel a little more.

The drive in movie with the fam. The movies were not so good. The company was fantastic!

 But I always want more.

This year is a little different, as well. This year my BABY is a senior. Life changes constantly but this change seems big. I already get lonely when Chad is at work and Meghan is out "adulting". This is precisely the reason that I work. Though my job has many little perks (about 600 of them), combatting loneliness is the driving factor in me being a working mom. When I'm home alone the TV or radio has to be on or I go a little crazy in all the quiet. I LOVE being a mom. It is my favorite thing I have ever done. I will always be mom, but my character will have to evolve in this series...

While I have loved being able to revel in my summer, I have also agonized about various things. Something I worry about regularly is "missing out". When I try to explain this to people I tell them that every year around the 4th of July there are usually several fireworks events to go to. We always make it to at least one of them. By the second or third show, I tell my self "I don't need to go out and stay up late for more fireworks. I have seen them already. Chad gets up early-he needs his sleep. I should just be content to have seen the ones I already have." Then without fail, as I am sitting at home listening to fireworks pop off in the distance, I panic. Big time. I feel like I am missing something big, and if I don't go out there and get involved, I will regret it. I cannot describe the agony in my brain as I process this. The logical person in me tells me that it is okay, and that it is silly for me to be getting this worked up over missing something this trivial. But the emotional person in me is going insane that I might miss something big, and that I will never be able to make it up. And we're only talking about fireworks so far...

My goal is to go do as much as I can so I don't live a life of regret. I am not worried about getting to the end of my life and regretting that I haven't checked enough off my bucket list, I am worried about missing the things right in front of me. People. Opportunities Wonders. Moments. Concerts (insert Panic at the Disco and Twenty One Pilots). Memories. I am scared of losing them. Scared of not making them. The most ironic part of all of this is that I am scared... of life, of social activities, of new things. But I am trying to move forward, knowing the experience is worth the stress. And I will be grateful.

Post Script: For all who have asked, my trip to Maho Beach is in a week. I am excited. I will report!!