It's Slippery!

****Disclaimer**** I have had an interesting array of experiences in my lifetime; many of which I have had to learn and grow from. From time to time I get asked by individuals or entities to share in my blogs some of the lessons and experiences I have so that others can gain perspective for situations they are in that might be similar to mine. These blogs are not to be related in any way to specific people or present position. Any parallel is coincidental. Most of the time :)

 

I love it that there is always time to learn a new lesson or at least revisit it . This lesson I have learned before but sometimes it comes back in a whole new light. I've appreciated the reminder.

I love people. I see the good immediately. It's there...in EVERYONE,  EVERY time...whether they see it in themselves or not. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. I think goodness can be compounded and magnified.

When I see you, I see your goodness, I see your potential, I see your greatness. I love it that I can see that. I also acknowledge that it clouds my judgment.

I have let my love for people and the goodness I see in them put me in awkward situations for as long as I can remember. When I see good, I love that feeling. I get excited. I get carried away. The people pleaser in me wants to reach out to the goodness in another and build upon it. Many a time I have let that high of riding on goodness place me in predicaments where I was no longer taking care of myself because my interest in pleasing others came first. I have let others take advantage of my kindness. My tendency to see the best has more than once clouded any other characteristics that person might have...their tendency to control, or ignore, or belittle, or take endlessly.  Let's put this right out there- I LET  people treat me badly.  Often. I make excuses for their behavior. I tell myself I deserve it, or I think, "well I have changed and grown up-surely they have too".  I wonder if I will hurt their feelings if I don't do what they want. It doesn't mean that person is bad. It means I have set habits up in letting someone treat me as less than they should. They are used to the habit-I am used to the habit. If the habit isn't recognized, it is continued. To be sure, there really are people who don't realize they are treating others badly. They are just getting what they want. I know, I know....making excuses again.

This is a slippery topic for me, because I refuse to see the bad in  others. I want to see the good. I want a happy world. I want good to shine. But...and here's the kicker...I need it to shine in ME as well. If I am letting someone else steam-roll over me and take away my decisions, my light will dim a little. I need all the light I can get.

So the lesson here is to keep seeing good. Keep giving, keep encouraging, keep magnifying, keep multiplying the good. But keep balance as well. It has taken me 46 years, but I am finally starting to sometimes  see the path that I am headed down and recognize that I got myself there. I am finally learning to stop where I am, realize that I am letting my light be clouded, and KINDLY stepping away from the clouds-or at least taking a break from the cloudiness. With the help of those in my life who love me and see MY good, I am finally understanding it's okay to take care of me and keep some of those decisions in my hands. That makes me grateful.