Got Some 'Splainin to Do

I love the Internet. I love having a way to research, keep in touch, entertain myself, and find useful information. And SHOP. Shopping's my favorite. It's amazing that we are in a "Star Trek" age. I will know we are finally there when I can walk up and order a taco from a machine (like Captain Picard ordered Earl Grey tea.) I understand technology, I use it often. I am quite able to navigate any computer, though it might take a little time for me to process what needs to be done, I can get there.

Phones, however, throw me off. I have never liked the phone to begin with. I clearly remember sitting at the dinner table as a child and my dad starting to say the prayer on the food. The phone rang. He waited until it stopped ringing and started the prayer again and....the phone rang. This happened 3 more times before my dad calmly stood up and in one smooth kung-fu action kicked the phone right off the wall. He sat back down and said the entire dinner prayer, and then proceeded to eat. I think it became clear to me early on that although the phone is a wonderful communication tool, it is also an interruption. I tease people that if they talk to me on the phone they must be very special.

But back to phones, it took Chad and I years to break down and get cell phones. It took him traveling out of the country to finally submit to getting them. I love being able to access my family more easily. I do not know how my parents were able to stay sane between my teenage antics and not being able to track me down and make sure I wasn't getting into trouble (and sometimes I was.) Add to that them wondering if I had died somewhere because I didn't make curfew, and I am amazed they let me go out at all. I love the security of knowing my children have made it somewhere safely. I don't trust the world. I'm grateful modern technology has provided me with a way to stay calmer when my family is away from me. Other than that, cell phone savvy eludes me. This frustrates me because I am not a stupid person. I am competent in pretty much every other area of my life. BUT...I am the person that by just touching my phone I can call 13 people accidentally, send 42 emoticons unintentionally, and send random texts to half my contact list. I am the person who can not only butt call, I can front pocket call, purse call, fall down call and phone charging call in the blink of an eye. I can hang up on you just by trying to answer my phone. Then I get flustered and it gets worse. Then I try to explain what happened to whomever I have victimized with my lack of phone etiquette. By that time they are done and I just want to hide under a rock. And don't get me started on my migraine days. People at my work always know when I have a migraine because I text them and everything I say is garbledygook. I am now at the point that my co-workers ask me to just put down my phone and go to bed. It's embarrassing. A few months ago I accidentally texted Meghan at school-from my pocket. She received something like  "MWUBCKHOWUPV<:"V
S
"KKDJVUYD>?V"PJBD<OI_
LKLHK<_(R{#OF"KS"|EILKNMSN
}PR|>DN>PCOI"EL)
|<HOELJKF>K:OUP
....and I started receiving texts like "Are you okay? Do you have migraine medicine? Do you need me to call dad to come get you?"  I felt bad. I kinda scared her. And I did it all on accident.
But then again, look what you can do on a cell phone....

...entertaining, right? Or embarrassing.

To be sure, this day and age holds many blessings, and yes, cell phones are one of them. I am pretty sure I think of them much differently than most people. I still have a land line because I don't completely trust the reliability of cell phones. I still feel like my cell phone is my own private number and don't want my number broadcast to every Bob, Tom and Susie out there. I lose my cell phone often and don't really access the internet from it because I would rather have a computer screen to browse with than a 3 1/2 X 2 inch screen to try to decipher from. I really appreciate texting and that it can get a message to someone quickly when time is short. I love it that I have a camera that is ready-if I can find my phone. I love it that someone was inspired to create these helps for the human race. Just don't judge the whole human race by my phone adeptness. (Because I have none.) If you have my cell phone number, you really are special. And if you don't hear from me, please be patient. I will get to you. Once I find my phone. You may get random emoticons, but I will do my best to show you I care. I will try to believe that phones are a blessing. And be grateful.