Redundancy

I almost didn't put this post up. Shame on me.

*apologies ahead of time for the number of photos I will be sharing... it's a great way to tell the story*

I live by these words~ "In a world where you can be anything, be KIND".  This is who I want to be. So I strive to get better with this; I yearn to keep this a part of my heart and my nature.




What should happen to me if I dismiss gratitude :)



So I try. And I realize the redundancy in this post, as I end most of them with '"and I am grateful". BUT I AM- I truly  am. It doesn't matter that gratitude is seen as cliché at this time of year... (yes, someone actually said that!) my gratitude is bubbling to the surface, so I'm getting it out. As someone who practically bleeds gratitude, I'm sharing...

As I sit below my mountain in my little 70's split level home that will never be fully renovated, I am grateful for a beautiful home. For the comfort it provides. For the fact that is isn't perfect, but perfect for me. For the memories I have made raising my children here and making lifelong friends here and the fact that my children burst out in tears and pleas of "no!!!" when we talk of finding or building a newer, less needy home. I love my home. I love the people in it. After watching hurricanes, floods, and fires sweep the earth this year, I am beyond grateful for the perfect (for us) little home with everything I could possibly need and so much of what I want already in it. I am happy and content in it. I love it.


My little home-it's not perfect, but it's perfect for me.
Notice my two boxers (at the end of the drive way) who have since
gone to Heaven to be with my dad.

My spectacular thoughtful spot in my back yard

The work crew in our home...continually employed!!

Ben Lomond Peak right in my back yard-this was before we built the gazebo.



My beautiful St.Maarten is never going to be the same again...Oh the gratitude I have
for my sweet little home-there are so many without a roof over their heads.

Though I have been blasted by others for feeling this way, I have immense gratitude that my dad has returned home to Heaven. I miss him dreadfully. There are times that I miss him so much I can't draw in breath, but that doesn't take away from my feelings of peace that HE is at peace. His body is whole, he is no longer hurting, no longer ill, no longer fighting. I have absolute faith that he is doing wonderful things from Heaven and that he watches over and helps everyone I love with his newfound perspective of eternity. I know he is with me and that he, in tandem with my Heavenly Father are continuously working for my good. For my family's good. For the good of mankind. Christmas will be very different without his presence on earth. It will be hard to have my "real Santa" gone, but I am determined to live Christmas fully, absolutely, and without reservation to honor him.

Unforgettable Mike Summers aka "The Real Santa"



With that said, I am grateful my Christmas is 90% up. Yes. Yes I am. I'm grateful that Christmas music will be pouring from the radio at my mom's while we count our blessings at Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful that when Thanksgiving dinner is over, my Christmas is ready and I do not have to worry about anything but enjoying the Season with the people I love. I am honoring my father with Christmas in my mind, my heart, and my home. There will be no apologies or shrinking when neighbors approach and ask me why I can't wait until Thanksgiving is over. I can't. Thanksgiving and Christmas are the best of partners, marrying gratitude and the spirit of giving-producing a feeling of love that can't be duplicated, but can be enjoyed by all who let it. I love you dad.

See? My turkeys are up and everything...along with Christmas as well.
My nativities will replace the turkeys on Friday.

I have been able to get ready for the most wonderful time of the year by being blessed with the ability to heal. My recent visit to the ER (see last post) has caused a mountain of debt, horrific amounts of pain, and ugliness on my entire right leg. But as I am in the middle of week 5 with this injury, I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am healing. I am grateful. I have felt prayers and Heaven's hand in all of it. I have learned a lot along the way-one of those things being that life surely is precious-and that you only get one chance to live it and experience it. So boy-howdy do I want to live and love well. Thank you God for the tender mercies that came from my tragedy. I won't forget what I have learned.



5 weeks ago up until now. Slow but sure. I'm getting better!

My list could go on. The last year has been a booger but I have learned so much. I am grateful for clouds and that there is ALWAYS a silver lining.

I'm grateful for my Mustang. I LOVE MY CAR. Not because of what it is but what it represents. I didn't buy it for anything other than the love of driving, connecting with the experience, and that with it, I have freedom. I feel like Jack Sparrow and the Black Pearl when I'm escaping in my Blue Streak. I understand completely.



My Blue Streak

I'm grateful for experiences...meeting people, seeing wonders, traveling, learning, working, playing, BEING. AND LOVING.

Of all the blessings I count every day the ones that consume me the most are the people. The loved ones God sent into my life specifically for me. My family-immediate and extended, blood relations and ones made in the heart. My friends-near and far, seen and not seen, old and new. The people that touch my life with their words and deeds, thoughts and prayers, influences and inspirations. I am so blessed. I know what I have. I don't forget. And whether it's redundant or not, I proclaim to the world and to God Himself that I AM GRATEFUL.

BRING IT!

I have a friend who inspires me daily with his mantra-LIFE:BRING IT! This friend and his family have been through their share of trials and heartache, but somehow keep warm, happy, open hearts, and share the love with whoever they can. Sometimes they keep me going when I feel overwhelmed and picked on. They are strength personified and I love them.

Happy times-I relish them...Meghan, my son-in-law Stephen
and I on the beach in Florida.

I don't want anyone to think for one minute that I feel I am picked on any more than anyone else. We all have stuff. But I have also made it no secret that the last year has been a hard one. I keep in mind that most of the trials that come upon us are not foreseen-that many of them take us by surprise and we find ourselves thinking, "I never in my wildest dreams saw myself having to deal with this." Some of the stuff on my plate I saw coming, and prepared for it as best I could, and gathered strength to face it. Other stuff picked me up and threw me off a cliff-leaving me thrashing and gasping for breath and wondering how in the world I arrived there. But I have tried to see the blessings-the silver linings-something  good in everything. It's one of my gifts. I am trained and even talented in it. But I'm tired.

Clouds-my saving grace-proof that there are silver linings...

The world is crazy. I don't watch the news. I see little snippets when I'm doing my yoga in the morning, but even those few minutes put a damper on my psyche. Just the natural disasters and  calamities break my heart. Add to that the senseless acts of violence, the selfishness and disregard we are fostering as "culture" in this world,  and the air of deceit that is rampant in life and politics, and there's a little piece of my soul that fights despair in a continual basis. There are dark things out there. Horrors that affect the heart, body and soul. And there are heroes in the midst of these tragedies for sure. I see them. I see good. I see light. I see happy moments. I see joys. I see silver linings. But they are harder to find. The news certainly hides them from our view. The yuck in the world overshadows any bliss. I find myself reaching further than I ever have to see the bright spots. I find myself wondering how the future will affect my children and heaven forbid-their children. I can't see it getting any better. The world has a history of hurtling itself toward destruction-of our values, our beliefs, our civility, and each other. We are headed on a fast track there right now. I'm not depressed. I'm not a doomsday girl in any way. I'm not suicidal or wanting to die. I believe life is precious and EVERY moment counts. It is a gift. But it is also a trial. Sometimes as of late I find myself thinking in the very far reaches of my mind, "Ya know, it really wouldn't be that horrible if I didn't wake up tomorrow." And I know others who feel the same way. I don't have a death wish, but there are much worse things than dying. Watching the things I love and believe in disintegrate before my eyes is very disheartening...and as someone who believes that only a Savior can save us at this point, sometimes I wouldn't mind just waking up closer to Him.

Closer to Heaven

But there is always grace. Mercy that Heaven uses as it throws a life preserver at us. And I received one. Two Sunday nights ago I had been feeling a little defeated, but still okay as I sat with my family. I have always worked with small children and am, therefore, a floor sitter. On Sunday, I had chosen kneeling as part of my floor sitting routine and sat for a good 45 minutes when I noticed a stinging on the upper, inner part of my right calf. I thought maybe a bug had bitten me when I had been on a walk in our nature preserve park earlier in the evening. When I pulled my pant leg up for inspection, my curiosity quickly turned to concern.

Sorry for the graphic grossness, but you can see why I was alarmed.
This was in the ER.

There was a lump the size of an egg under my skin and it was growing rapidly. I got up and scrounged for an ice pack. By the time I found a frozen pack of almonds to put on my leg the lump had swollen to the size of a large baked potato under my skin. Outside of childbirth I have never experienced such excruciating pain. The swelling happened so rapidly I wasn't sure how much larger my leg could swell before bursting. My leg was black within a half hour and I couldn't walk. I laid on the living room floor sobbing and crying out to God to help me. I had my head in Meghan's lap as we tried to figure out whether to call an ambulance or see if Chad could carry me to the car so we could transport me to the ER ourselves. I was pretty sure I had a blood clot or aneurysm that was going to burst and I was going to die right in my own living room.  The thought of leaving my children and family and anyone who loves me or counts on me had me in a panic. I was terrified of my life ending. I realized I do want to wake up. I do want to live. I do want to make a difference in a crazy, scary, unsure world. I want to have all the blessings and experiences of mortality-even the scary ones that show me I am indeed mortal.

Long story short, I had a large blood vessel burst causing a large, painful hematoma. We aren't sure how-the baffled doctor figured it was the perfect storm of kneeling for so long in one place and the pressure built up while I knelt. I know it was God's way of telling me to buck up and appreciate the life He has given me. I will be bruised for a long time. I don't know when the pain will stop. It has been positively engulfing at times. The bruise has spread as the blood disperses. It's hard to wear shoes-and you know how I love shoes. This lump will take some months to vanish. There is a lot of internal bleeding in my leg as my body tries to reabsorb the blood. It is ugly. It is still scary. One of my kids at school told me I should be a zombie for Halloween because I already looked like one! But I'm alive!!!!

The point I am trying to make is that life is precious. I want it. I'm ready to once again rally and embrace it. I'm grateful for my scare and the sense it knocked into me-however painful. And I am so very grateful for the examples of my friends who make me yell LIFE:BRING IT! Yes,  I am grateful.

This post is dedicated to Jay, Kathy, and their delightful,  eternal family.