So it was one of those days where I did not want to get out of bed. I did not want to face my day. I did not want to experience stress. I did not want to hear/see any negative news /facebook posts or comments.
After facing all the obstacles in my day, I can confidently say I should have listened to myself and just stayed there! My day would actually be comical, if it weren't for the fact that I went through it.
That being said, I have experienced many tender mercies and seen miracles all day long. I readily admit that I am reaching for any miracle. Anygood thing today. But because I'm looking, I am finding them. I got a sweet, uplifting, and extremely timely text. I received e-mails from wonderful people who are and have been part of my life. I got good deals on clearance items I needed in the store. I heard my favorite song as I pulled in the parking lot to work this morning. These seem like small things, little tender mercies afforded to me, but they impacted my day in positive ways and helped me get through it.
Some of them were huge, though, and left me weak in the knees with relief and gratitude. Like Cassie's car just quitting while she was turning a corner-being so grateful she was up in our quiet neighborhood instead of out on the freeway or up on campus! Or having my (very) sick father live through another day. And finding out my sweet mother-in-law has half the state praying for him. You got it. Mind bending, heaven-thanking miracles. Good stuff.
My point is to hold on. Hold on and believe there's something good around every corner. And if it's not the corner in front of you, it will be the next one, or even the next one. But there's still great stuff happening. Especially if you're searching for it. Better yet, go make great stuff happen for someone else. Yup. Hold on!
For all my bravado in being a cheerleader for joy, I am a nervous person with doubts that flood my mind continually. I don't want to be that way. I talk positive to build my confidence and have it rub off into my thought process. I have made progress, but it is a never ending job to keep things on the upside. One of the benefits of noticing the joy and the blessings is that I doubt myself less and see my worth more.
I have felt quite good about the progress I have been making in life-on almost every level. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I feel like I'm being productive, keeping my mind active, my friends loved and my goals met. At the height of my feeling good about myself and the advances I feel I've been making, I was kindly reminded of everything I am NOT doing. The intention of the reminder was very good. I was reminded with love, but it stung nonetheless. Almost to the point of me deciding to give up-if all I have been working on was not going to get me where I need to be, why try? The answer came in two ways.
The first answer came from here:
Yup, you guessed it-my very wise, kind, wonderful, amazing husband Chad settled me right down and pointed out that progress IS progress. And I need to celebrate it. So I am.
The next answer came from here:
As I sat in church last week I was looking around at all my beautiful Young Women in my ward. I know that each of them go through things. I know that sometimes they are as hard on themselves as I am on myself. I sat there thinking that Christ sees in them more possibilities and goodness than they can fathom, and that it must hurt Him sometimes how hard they are on themselves when He knows who they are. All of a sudden it hit me that I need to walk the walk. I need to see the good in me. I need to quit beating myself up when I'm not perfect. I need to be an example to keep believing and I need to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I love the blessing of insight that I get every once in a blue moon. I see. Don't stop believing.
Experiences, education, and memories are some of the few things we get to keep with us wherever we are. I sometimes feel frantic about not having enough of these things stored away. When I stop and breathe for a minute I realize I have a lifetime of all of them. But I also realize I want more. Not more stuff. More life lived.
For years I have been needing to make a bucket list. I hear of things that sound intriguing or amazing and make a mental note to put it on my bucket list, but things never make it much further than that. Just tonight I said to Chad, "I want to see the Northern Lights someday. It's on my bucket list. Oh, and do you remember what it was last week I said I needed to put on my list?" Of course he didn't and I'll have to look through my mental rolodex for that one, but I am going to fix that problem here and now. I am starting my bucket list.
Here goes. It's just the beginning.
See The Northern Lights
Visit a real castle
Take my family to see Niagra Falls ( I went as a child)
Watch planes land on Maho Beach
I want to be this close to Shamu-through glass of course...
This will be quick. I'm obsessed. With a new song. It makes me happy. It can pull me out of the darkest mood or saddest situation. It makes me want to live, and live well, and make every day count for something good. It's now my ringtone. I smile when my phone goes off-and I really don't even like cell phones!
There are many happy dance songs out there, and I cycle through them regularly, but for today, this song makes me feel like it's the best day of my life!
P.S. This is not the original video-but this is the one I like best to go with the song.
I had my heart broken on Sunday by a 70 pound white boxer dog named Sasha. She left us to go join her momma in heaven. I'm happy for her reunion but a little devastated by her absence here.
Sasha
It's hard to lose a pet. They become family. Yes, they drive you crazy, they get underfoot, and it's like taking care of another child....but you love them anyway. We've loved having our dogs as part of the family for the last 14 years. They have taught us love, patience, acceptance, responsibility, sympathy, and charity.
Look real close at the end of the driveway-there are 2 boxers sitting there
Mom & daughter portrait
Speaking of charity-which is the pure love of Christ-we've been on the receiving end of it throughout this whole sad mess. Through the tears shed during the horrible suffering Sasha endured Sunday afternoon on through the night, we were able to see that angels exist in this world. From the neighbors that checked on us, to the kind, wonderful vet who helped end Sasha's suffering, to the amazing Young Womens leader (and friend) who showed up with a thoughtful, wonderful gift for our family, to the many who have called and written on Facebook to us, we have been blessed to feel loved and comforted through all the mourning. We feel these angels will help mend our broken hearts until the sadness is replaced with just great memories. And we are grateful.
Not a long post today but an important one. Beauty. The real kind. The kind that is in everything. The kind of beauty that sometimes isn't immediately apparent but is undeniable.
Last night we were eating my favorite food-tacos. We had another one of my favorite foods with them-nacho cheese Doritos. Under the right circumstances, I could eat a family sized bag by myself. I have always liked folded chips and Cassie found the queen of all folded chips. Like any good daughter she fed my love of folded chips and relinquished her Dorito to me. As she passed it to me, Meghan said, "Wow! That Dorito looks just like a rose!" Now, we have roses on the brain with all the wedding preparations at our house so I wasn't sure she was seeing roses because we have made hundreds of crepe paper roses, or because this chip actually resembled one, but upon closer inspection we all saw that Meghan's assessment was right on the money. I decided I needed a photo of it and snapped one with my phone. I told my family, "I've got to find a way to use this on my blog. I just need a title." Quick as a flash, Meghan said, "Beauty in Everything". A-ha moment and proud mama moment rolled up into one. Not much more needs to be said-she summed it right up. There is beauty in everything.....especially if you're looking for it.
Wedding Kissing Ball for Cassie's wedding-over 100 hand made roses and counting!
The happily engaged couple.
The beautiful rose Dorito!
My beautiful Meghan who reminds me to see the beauty in everything!
As I sit here in my warm house on this very snowy day with every one of my family members safely home I am mulling over the numerous things that occur during the day that seem like single, unrelated incidences until they come together cohesively to remind me of the important things in life. (I apologize for that very lengthy sentence!) In short, God works on every minute of our lives, and there are no coincidences.
My white washed world-grateful I'm safely home
I began today feeling very tired and somewhat worried about navigating the weather as well as addressing some of the things I knew were ahead of me. The first thing I did was turn on my computer to find a short and very sweet message from a dear friend in my life. That right there took the edge of my weariness and got me looking forward to my day. The funny thing is that since last night, I have had the distinct impression to let this very person know how much I think of her and thank her for the joy she brings to my life just because she exists. What a talent to just be who you are and make people happy just by being yourself. I'm so grateful she acted on her feelings of love and charity because it sure changed the direction in which I was starting my day.
One of the reasons this made such an impact is because it made me want to pay those feelings forward in my day. It is easy to fear the reactions (or rejection) of others when we give of our hearts, but one thought that has stood out to me today is that there is no fear in true charity. This has been stated to me in many ways today-by word (someone else's blog), by action (the message I received) and by me being the recipient of kindnesses (multiple times). Whether a person accepts my kindness or not does not negate my need to give it, or the intent in which I give it. It always gives me joy when I am kind. Remembering this set the pattern for the rest of my day. I acted on the things I knew were heart-felt and in the spirit of giving. Though my day was not perfect I was grateful for the situations that were set in place for me to be able to realize I need to ignore my fears and keep giving.
