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| #twentyonepilots |
We all want this, right? To be lovely. For someone to think we are lovely, then make us believe that we are. I have put a lot of thought into this. I have said many times that I find it hard to think of myself as lovely. Kind? Pretty sure I'm good at that one. Thoughtful, I hope so. Happy? I sure try to be. Positive? Almost always. Fun? Most of the time. Witty? Rarely, though my Meghan says I am getting better. But beautiful? Pretty? Lovely???? Not often. I tend to think of lovely as the epitome of what a human should strive for because it not only points out physical beauty-it encompasses the beauty of the body, mind, spirit and soul-all culminating in the outward appearance of loveliness. So maybe parts of me are lovely...
In general I like Heather. I have worked on her a long time. Heather has made many, many mistakes, and will continue to do so. Heather has learned a lot. Heather has tried to better herself in many ways. I have overcome mountains of obstacles, like many of my wonderful friends and counterparts. Yet there's that unattainable goal-to be considered lovely. Quite frankly, I have been yearning to be lovely my whole life. Sometimes this has resulted in producing the exact opposite outcome. In vying to be lovely for someone-for many, I have let myself be used and abused and taken advantage of-causing self-loathing and regret. Yet I am a firm believer that anything worthwhile takes work-and lots of it. So I continue to search and put in the time to find the right combination of qualities for me to consider myself lovely.
Lately I feel this bothering my spirit more intensely. I don't know if it is because I am getting older and feel that any natural beauty I might have had is fading already. I don't know if the state of the world-and the wonder of how much longer it can go on-makes me a little frantic to make a lasting mark of some beauty for those behind me. My health scares me on a regular basis and I do stop and wonder what impression I will have left on this world...and I know it sounds vain, but I want to leave this world knowing somebody thought I was lovely-even for a moment. I have a constant drive to make sure others know they are lovely-in all ways. It's so easy for me to see in EVERYONE around me. But in myself, I am lacking. I am not so blind that I don't see the things that God has blessed me with. I count my blessings. My talents. My gifts-and I thank Him with my whole heart. I know I'm not ugly. I know I have graces and ways about me that are not hard to be around. But oh, to be lovely, and for me to love me...that I strive for. And I feel that others are striving for this as well. It seems that everywhere I turn-the radio, a talk in church, and article posted on social media, a post by a dear friend, so many of us find it easy to love others, but never think of loving ourselves. Why is it so hard?
I don't have the answer to that . I have an idea that comparison plays a huge part in self-doubt, but I also feel that we are our own worst critics. Comparison really is the thief of joy and robs us of potential. Think of all the things you could do if you believed fully in yourself. To feel truly lovely-I can hardly imagine-but I want to get there. It's entirely possible, but not easy. The catch is that no matter who you are, you have to find it in yourself to view yourself as lovely. Oh, there's help. People help. Those who love us and feed our souls with their love most certainly make a difference. Situations to use the gifts given to us by our maker can build like nothing else. Chances to see the loveliness placed inside us are all around. Notice them. The people around you sure do. Be the one coating those around you with kind, sincere words and truthful accolades. It all adds up. It builds them up, and works on your foundation too. Then it's up to you. Whether you believe in the devil, in evil, or just opposition of the universe, it's there, and it will most assuredly try to knock you down and make you think it can't be done. What better way to stop progression and good works than to fill the inhabitants of this world with self doubt? Don't be the next victim. You're more lovely than that. Find your beauty. Look for your own loveliness. It's allowed. It's okay. And you can do it over and over again. It's not a one time deal. You can look for it again and again, and keep finding more. It will actually do the rest of the world more good than you can imagine. If you get hung up for a minute, I'll help you see it. I WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE LOVELY. Maybe you can help me see that I'm lovely too. We'll make a lovely world all together. And I will be grateful.
