I have had the coolest, most wonderful pair of glasses for as long as I can remember. They are rose colored, and they make things look wonderful. The bright things become more colorful. The happy things become more joyful. Love becomes more full. In sad things, tiny miracles are found. Everything -and I mean everything, from a song to finding a dime to seeing a specific person- in my life becomes a sign that shows me the direction to take. In trials, the silver linings show up. These glasses make magic real. They contain wonder as well as strength-and when I remember to use them daily, my life is just better. But I have lost them!
Truth be told, I have misplaced my rose colored glasses at various times during my life. Tragedy and calamity seem to make them harder to find. Loss and the incredibly heavy pressure of the world make me feel like they can't be found. I LOVE viewing life through these glasses. It has been one of my life goals-to find the light and spread it. These glasses have helped me do it even when the chips are down and it seems like there's no faith left. They provide hope, perspective, and even ways to cope with darkness and evil. I love letting the good in people outshine any character flaws or momentary indiscretions that may have occurred. Because "People would never do those things to each other-right?" "There's good in everyone-right?" one would hope-and I do. I find it's not as easy as it used to be. Those rose colored glasses have been knocked off my face too many times, The lenses have cracked more than once. But I miss them. And I want them back on my face-all the time. I like the rose colored view much better.
As I have waded through the excess of interruptions to my hope over the past year, I have wallowed a bit. Though I always come out the other side daring to believe that good is around the corner, it feels like I am hit with another round of questions, or injustice, or just all together dread. This is not my nature. I have always been one to pull light out of the darkest corners. I have always been able to put faith into a person or a situation "just one more time". And then another. And another. But this has been a vortex-sucking me in, spinning me in circles, and questioning systems I never thought I would.
I'm getting desperate to find my glasses. I want to be myself again. I want to do the things I know I was sent here to do. So I have begged and grappled, cried and screamed, and even sworn a little. I have bucked the system, then succumbed to it. I have searched for answers and foraged for anything to make sense of everything around me. I want the magic and wonder of life to be part of my every day-and what I see FIRST.
Funny thing is, if you slow down and breathe a little bit, answers come-sometimes in the most subtle of ways. When I AM able to find my calm, little shards of the rose colored glass show up long enough for me to peer through-for whatever small a moment-and that leads me to the peace I need to get me to the next task at hand. God knows this is how I roll... I take those wins, tender mercies, "coincidences", acts of kindness, reminders, and turn them into just enough steam to keep me from floundering too long. He uses many conversations, meetings and greetings to make sure I know He's there and I need to keep momentum.
PEOPLE bring the most important views with them. I have been reminded many times over the last weeks by friends, colleagues, children, adults and even angels, that there are more things that still have that rose color-even in this world of trouble and strife. Of the moments that gave me pause, one that struck my heart and soul came from an admonition in a training I received.
It went something along the lines of, "Have you felt wonder and magic in the world throughout your life? Have you been shown the good and wonderful things of the world? Have you been given experiences of joy and laughter by those you loved and looked up to in your life?" As a human who revels in the magic in life, the wonder of things that could be, and the feeling of love and joy from so many others, it was a resounding YES! from the depths of my heart. Then she said, "Don't you think the people you influence, the people whose lives you touch, the children you teach, and the friends in your circle-DESERVE to have those things too? Especially when you can help them have those things?"
WOW. Talk about feeling reproved. And humbled. Even a bit repentant.
I have a job to do. One I've always had. The one I know is my purpose. I need to find those freaking glasses and put them on. And even if it takes a minute to find them. I better find a good substitute to get me by for now. EVERYONE needs light. Everyone needs magic-or at least the knowledge that it exists in so many forms-even the form of someone that believes in you. So I'm rallying yet again. The search is on. I'm getting my footing and the start is slow, but I'm turning this train around and headed towards light. I will find my glasses. They are somewhere close. And I am grateful.
And PS-I've decided I LIKE seeing everything as a sign. Even if I get the sign wrong, I still get a sign. It helps me look for good things, Connections. Peace. I love everyday things that become a sign to me.
#dinosaursinthemud
No comments:
Post a Comment