NOREPLY

Some of you might have heard from our friend Noreply, who regularly sends us emails. You may get emails yourself from Noreply. This name became well known in our home after my then young daughter asked "who is this 'Noreply'  who's always contacting us?". Of course, she meant the "no reply" that comes with certain emails. But it was so cute we held onto it. Noreply has become a household name. Someone we refer to with fondness and laughter.

While we laugh about "noreply", it also causes some consternation for me. Not in the way you'd think. It has nothing to do with spam or phishing-though you do have to be aware on that front. It has more to do with the feeling there. Let me explain.

There is a famous person (actually probably many famous persons, psychologists, and just plain humans) that said:

While I know this is true to an extent, I have a different take on it. Now there's something to be said for someone who can sit patiently and listen without interruption. And believe me. I DO want to hear you and understand you. I want to understand what you are saying and the message you are trying to convey to me. But I feel like there are times that occur in epic numbers, where we reply with the intent to RELATE. Many times the response is so the author of said thing does not feel alone. They know they were heard. They know someone has some kind of idea of a similar feeling or situation. Responding shows focus, empathy, relatability, compassion, knowledge, and perspective. While I understand that everyone wants to be heard and have their chance to speak and tell their story, it is called "conversation" for a reason. The need to help and inspire and give feedback is just as an inherent a need as delivering a story. It bonds us when we can come together with expressions and feelings. It is natural for a spark to be lit in a person's brain when it is registering something familiar, and sharing it helps us process. 

I do keep in mind that there are people who want something entirely different. Some people feel the need to correct, or be right, "one-up" or even "one-down. There are people who just need the attention or are used to the spotlight. But that happens no matter what kinds of situations we are in.

When I am telling a story, conveying a feeling, and even pouring my heart out, while I love the chance to finish my thoughts, I really enjoy the fact that someone else can understand the things I have felt-if only to a degree. It may give me perspective and ideas on how to process or cope with the experience. Or cherish it. Or learn from it. I may find all new kinds of things to try and gain understanding that I haven't had before. That, and I love people and hearing about their lives and experiences. I love feeling happy with or for another human being. I love offering sympathy and love and compassion to others as well. There are so many times I needed to hear exactly what was said. Even if I haven't finished my story yet. I learn a lot that way. I even learn to listen to my heart to know how I can reply, and even say just the right thing that someone else needed right then. I am so grateful for the times I listen. I am especially humbled when I get to hear that I did. Many times we never know-we just hope it was right. So when the reward comes of knowing you helped another with Heaven whispering in your ear-well, there's nothing quite like it. I want others to know when they have done that for me. Stuff like that just binds us humans together- and Heaven knows the world needs so much of that right now. 

What I'm saying is, yes, it is good to listen. It's good to let someone talk and get their stuff out. Though it's not a bad thing to want to respond. Not every time. Not every situation. But it takes a lot more counting than I have appendages for the times it has paid off to either listen to someone's reply, or give one of my own to help us relate to each other. It builds trust and relationships, gives calm and comradery and in the end gets us all on the same page knowing there's someone out there who understands-at least in part-what we are trying to say. 

The other thing hanging out there that needs to be addressed is the elephant in the room-the times we respond to protect, defend, and make clear the proper stance is being heard and understood. Alot of miscommunication can occur when the speaker is assuming something, and proceeds to lay out their case -not wanting interruption or response until they have been heard and put all their evidence out there. But sometimes, the case is faulty-because assumptions have been made or information has been mis-construed. And then it's time to correct the falsities before that train of thought can move any further. Oh, this causes frustration and consternation on the speaker's part, but if there are false ideas being presented to the listener, that needs to stop before things are made worse. "That's not what I said. You misread my reaction. That is false information. That never happened. That was not my intent. That was taken out of context." These are phrases that may be used to interrupt when the accusation train has headed down that track. It is okay to defend and explain yourself (or anyone who is being mis-represented) before the conversation gets out of hand and more misunderstanding occurs. Oh, I am not encouraging anyone to interrupt another person, but pointing out there are valid reasons to speak even when the other person desires to just be heard. This is another situation where balance has to come into play and it is rare that balance is achieved in this area-but it's worth a shot. So, open your mind to a conversation as you open your heart to another. Understand that you may get feedback as the listener tries to relate to you and let you know you're not alone. Or be ready to hear a rebuttal if need be. There are so many people that want to help or want to relate or even give perspective. There are blessings that can be found in the reply. For that we can be grateful! 

And thank you for letting me be a little 
devil's advocate😉

#dinosaursinthemud