It's been over a year since I have been able to bring myself to blog. For so many years it brought me joy and therapy. But I'll admit-this crazy, mean, dishonest, finger-pointing, disaster wreaking, backwards world got to me-Miss Sally Sunshine. The Silver Lining Seamstress. I couldn't do it. I didn't know what to say. My mind's been too full. I didn't give up. I just had to concentrate on keeping my life together and having perspective that would help me see though the fog and know what is important to share-and what isn't. I think I'm ready.
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| San Francisco Fog-much like my mind |
So life scares me. I LOVE it. But it has always scared me. Yet I have a zest for it that will not be quiet. In fact it is constantly screaming in the back of my head. "LIVE!" "Take chances!" "Try something new!""Don't miss out!" Yes, I have a bad case of YOLO. There are so many things I want to do. While I love being organized and love having a plan, I also I love adventures on the fly. I love being impulsive. And I love finding the opportune moments- golden chances in life.
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As much as I am sure there really are the "opportune" moments in life, I also know that many times, you just have to take them. On that note, insert FOMO. I hate the feeling of missing out. Oh, I am picky about what I have FOMO about. I really don't care if I know the latest, have the most current, do the most amazing, or have the longest list. But I hate missing out on trips, or fireworks, late night walks, or concerts. I hate missing out on chance meetings, and planned ones, too. I hate missing work, or Sunday worship, or flashes of lightning in the sky. I hate knowing I had the chance to do something great, and either squandered the opportunity or was kept from it in any way. I don't like missing things that could fill my bucket or feed my soul. So I'm on a constant search to make those FOMO moments few and far between, and make the YOLO moments count.
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| Planes Landing almost close Enough to Touch |
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| Barbie Movie with my girls-yes. I loved it-I took a very spiritual meaning away from it. I looked for good and found it. |
As always, my summer has gone so fast. What I used to accomplish in a summer is not even feasible anymore. The days are gone before I can blink. I keep plugging away, but the list is never ending. It has also been a physically, mentally, and emotionally draining summer for me. I am not complaining. I care and I love caring. My self-care has taken a back seat, but I have been able to care for many people around me-although not nearly as much as I'd like to. Some nights as I fall into bed at midnight or much, much later, I wonder what more I could have done. And as I lay there in the dark where sleep is elusive, but thoughts are intrusive, a few answers come to mind.
I am human. Utterly, one hundred percent human. While I love it that I have a body that works despite its many ailments, I know it can only do so much. Loving late nights and early mornings does not help that issue. Life is hard. Wonderful, but hard.I get tired and burnt out. I have concerns of my own. So again. I can only do so much before I become incapacitated and then am of no use to anyone. But oh, I would love to be one of those people that can "run and not be weary." Maybe someday. For now, I just have to do the best I can. And hope my love is felt by anyone within my reach. And exuberance for living. That too!
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I have also, especially in recent years, realized and embraced the fact that seasons of life are really a thing! It's not just a song, or a scripture. It is a real life enigma. Seasons of good and seasons of bad. Seasons of peace and seasons of turmoil. There have been years of my life that have been dedicated to serving outside of my home, but then times where my family had to be at the forefront. I have loved spans of time when we've been free to travel and explore, but remember the days of small children and sickness, homework, and tight belts. I have loved being able to offer service, meals, cards, and love, but have also had opportunities to be the recipient of these things when I have had need. Seasons with people and places, opportunities, joys and sorrows. And they inevitably change.
Sometimes I mourn some of these seasons passing and morphing into other things. I yearn for the past, and sadly, sometimes, want to skip to the future. I realize the danger in both, So I try to focus on the season at hand in my own life; doing what I can, when I can, and maybe jumping on a chance when I find one.
When it comes down to it, these cute little acronyms have become quite the cheerleaders for my life. They inspire me and motivate me. They get me out of my comfort zone and help me to see beyond my boundaries and reach for something more-something new. I have experienced things I never would have without these special sets of letters. They have helped me LIVE. And I am grateful.
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| #beachweather @beachweather |
