You know how they say you shouldn't shop when you're hungry? Well, I probably shouldn't blog when I'm emotional (or tired, either), but I am.
Emotional, that is. And tired. And I'm blogging anyway. The good news is that I'm a bundle of all kinds of emotions right now so you'll get the whole gamut-the good, bad, happy, sad...the whole bit.
The great part is that I feel good times are ahead. I feel like life has a chance of getting better and less exhausting and less emotionally taxing. I'm hoping this is the case. There's a lot to be ironed out in just my own corner of the world-let alone our country and the entire globe, for that matter. But in one weekend alone I have experienced joy, amazement, gratitude and miracles along with all the crummy things life hands out with unrelenting generosity. Though I enjoy roller coasters of the amusement sort, I don't relish the emotional ones. By the same token, I am so grateful for the good things that come with the bad things so the bad things can be softened. Even the crummy stuff is easier to handle if you get some hope thrown in the mix.
+
I apologise ahead of time for the naughty word!
I'm generally not a cursing person but sometimes it just fits. Please dont judge me! 🤣
Because I don't want to bore anyone, and because the details are mine, I will just get to the meat of the matter. It will be random, and unbiased-it's just the stuff rolling around in my head. No one is targeted (good or bad) and there is no expectation of response or assistance. I just appreciate the ability to purge my heart and soul in a forum I can navigate better than I do thinking on my feet. Thank you for your patience-the process is not sure -it's just a matter of getting it out. SO strap yourself in...the roller coaster is about to begin!Above all, I am ever so entirely grateful for the people in my life. I have been blessed with such goodness surrounding me. I have wonderful good, amazing examples of kindness, patience, hope, and brilliant minds in everyone I know. I am in awe of who I am surrounded by in every part of my life. The friendships I have gained throughout my life-some of them even before this life-astound me. They make me humble and grateful. That being said, I KNOW I am not perfect, and I know relationships are not perfect. Some are easier to maintain, and some are harder to understand. If I have learned anything in this life, it's that it takes your WHOLE life to figure people out. Circumstances change often. There are hardly ever times where things stay the same. So relationships readjust on a continual basis. The love and care might not change, but the dynamics can sure make you wonder some days.
BUT-I love you.
For the record-if I love you-if I have ever loved you, that WILL NEVER CHANGE. No circumstance, situation or event will change the fact that I love you. Things may, however, change the way I perceive your love, your intentions, or if I can trust you. If you are part of my life, you have a piece of my heart. It is irrevocable. It is yours to keep. Please treat it well. I will work to always treat you well, and I have a fervent hope that you will shelter that little piece of my heart I have entrusted to your care-at the same time promising to take care of all the parts of you that I can. The whole you. I hope the tradeoff is worth it to you. It sure is to me.
I am amazed at the resilience of the human body, mind and spirit. I have seen people make it through things they never dreamed they would encounter. I have watched people keep going when I felt I would have quit long ago. But then I have ridden some of life's scarier trains that I know others would have jumped off of miles ago. We are amazing. Humans are incredible. I have watched lives turn around on the momentum of one thought that changed everything. Some of them are going from worrisome situations to something they know will be better for them in the long run, and some have looked at the situation in front of them and thrown everything out the window over a bad day. I'm not judging. I am aware. And I have the same hope for everyone-that we can make it through whatever we need to to get to the best US possible.
Then there are the people who don't seem to have a choice at all. That scares me and even burns me. I have a hard time putting my real feelings out there because the backlash that occurs in this world over opinions just astounds me. But...one thing I will never back down on is being an advocate for the children-my own children, the ones in my school, and those all around me. Because sometimes we don't listen to them and they don't have a chance to use their voices-and the adults are in charge. So in the kids' eyes, that is that- and no one cares. These kids have followed blindly while we shoved all our rules and mandates down their throats. They have had to just follow along and conform-even when they have been scared, and uncomfortable and have no idea whey their little lives changed on a dime and everything they knew was tossed aside for the adults' agenda. I am sure that sounds harsh, but I am with them every day. Watching them, helping them, comforting them. We are all so amazed at how well they "conform" and "adjust", and YES, it's a miracle. But they have not had a choice. The higher ups made it for them. And they have done what we asked. They are tired. They want their innocent lives back. They want to be kids. They ask me every day when it will be over. That's a hard one to answer. My fervent hope is soon. When you look at the children around you, YES!-absolutely marvel at how well they have done. But remember they did it for all of the higher ups and because they are good, obedient kids who were given no choice. Be grateful they are who they are. Think about THEM from here on out as we go forward. Continue to be amazed, and consider them when you make any decision that will affect them. Encourage those in places to make decisions to consider the children. That's all I ask.
There's more. There's always more.
*I am grateful for blue skies. I am tired of being trapped in my life and not being able to travel at will. I love time with my family.
*I'm scared of the things that happen in my country and the finger pointing that is so out of control it's frightening. I'm grateful for the good souls that reach out and help and do the right thing under any and every circumstance. I'm scared of my freedoms being trampled on and losing the things that have made America the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. I am grateful there are still patriots who will stand up for this great land; people who understand the concept of patriotism-brave men and women who realize the blessing it really is.
*I can't breathe, but I'm grateful for modern medicine, a phenomenal doctor, a great boss and co-workers who are willing to step in and help me without batting an eye. I am EXTENSIVELY grateful to those who have shown concern for my health and understand the sacrifices I have made for others to feel safe and comfortable. Thank you for understanding I need to be healthy now. You'll never know what that means to me. To understand that I mean something is very humbling. I am so grateful for kind and generous hearts that work for my well being.
*I miss people who don't seem to be as close me-because of distance or time, whether they are busy or have things they are dealing with, are restrained because of mandates and recommendations, or just need a change from Heather scenery. But I love them nonetheless because love never dies. It grows, and there's always room for more with plenty to go around.
*I get frustrated when life feels heavy and I let it get to me, but I also realize I am human and I can't always hold the world up. Sometimes I need to share the burden and I'm grateful for the people that assist me in this.
*Family is important, and many times family reaches far beyond anything that binds us together as blood. By the same token, sometimes blood is not enough to bring people together, so we make the family we need in those around us. It's all good and all rewarding. And painful.
And needed.
*I'm scared that time goes too fast and that we waste so many opportunities to connect and preserve relationships, but I know life is hard and we can't do it all. I love having the chance to do kind things for others and am so grateful for the kindnesses given to me. I see the clouds of doom and gloom in the world, but search every moment for light and silver linings and I will never give up. I understand cruelty is part of life, but I seek to erase it with kindness and show there is infinitely more kindness in the world than the alternative. I will always yearn for travel and adventure but I am content with my home. I fight anxiety and sadness, weariness and loneliness, but the important part is that I FIGHT. Kindness, hope, and love are my weapons. And I am grateful.
