OOOOPS! I Did It Again!!!!!

I know. How could I do it again? After all the upheaval last time, how could I have been so foolish? It wasn't on purpose....I mean, nature does its own thing.....but right in front of my family. In front of Meghan, who had to endure it last time.

Wait. Back up. Let's start at the beginning. And since I'm doing that, let me just put it out there that the title of this blog is also a song that makes me really really happy. The song is fabulous anyway, but when I hear it on my phone, it means one of my daughters is checking in, and it makes my heart sing to hear from her.💓💓💓 But on to what this blog is really about. I really did do it again.

Roughly a year ago, I was stung by a wasp while visiting a cemetery with my daughter.  I am deathly allergic to bee/wasp/hornet stings of any kind. It takes all of 3 minutes for my airway to completely close off. I did not have my Epi-pen, and it was a terrifying experience. Long story short-God had great mercy on me. I was given a state of mind to know how to respond to the sting and take care of myself until I could get the proper medical help, and my daughter did not have to watch me die-in a cemetery, although she has some lasting PTSD from it. But I survived and was given another chance at life. More than just a tender mercy- a true miracle. I think about that often, and I marvel that God would have such compassion to save my life and let me continue my journey on earth. 

Second chances do not come to many people. I always hope the people that receive these chances-including myself-will use those chances to learn, grow, change, appreciate, be grateful, and most importantly LIVE MORE and LOVE TO THE FULLEST. I try to live and love full throttle anyway.

My daughter and I were discussing last night how strange it feels sometimes to be the kind of person that is immediately all in. She is my twin in every way-especially emotionally and spiritually speaking. We go into situations with complete and consuming love, understanding, and acceptance.  We all know I am the person that believes with every fiber of my being that only love will save the world. Much of the time, one of two things happens. Either the other party is taken aback by this onslaught of unconditional love, has a hard time understanding it, and retreats, or that love is taken for granted. That is, the person receiving the love knows that no matter what happens or how they treat persons like us, the love will always be there so they run back and forth....taking the love for a while and then leaving us alone until another refill is needed-reciprocating nothing, or the very minimum. Now these are worst case scenarios but you'd be surprised how often people refuse love or take it for granted. All humans are guilty of taking things for granted-we are wired that way and one of our jobs on earth is to overcome the natural man. But as a person where love comes easily, I have a hard time understanding refusal of love. I get that many people think that love has strings attached. And I can see how it can look that way. But real, pure love  is incapable of having strings. It is just there. It exists because it is essential. Strings come in for behaviors, boundaries, needs, and understanding. Love itself has nothing to do with that. Love is an entity all its own. There is no "owing" when it comes to love, although receiving it in return is a wonderful feeling. But I diverge from the story...forgive the soapbox. I just feel strongly about that subject! And I suggest researching love for yourself. Understand what it is and what is isn't. I will tell you emphatically that is is NOT a weapon. If you think love is a weapon, or use it as one, then you might want to go back to the drawing board. Love is patient, kind, continuous, pure, unconditional, and free. No strings. Love is simple. People are not. Food for thought. 

So I have had a second chance for the last year to live life better and love more. I have been grateful!!! But this year has been a flipping DOOZY!!! I cannot believe how much life has changed since February! I am not going to get into that part, but boy I feel like I have been sucked up into an alien spacecraft and dropped onto an alternate world in an alternate universe. I am having a hard time. 2 weeks ago we had been working around our house, trying to get things done. We were so crazy busy we forgot to eat, and by about 4 pm we were all so grouchy from heat, fatigue, and hunger, that we decided to get out of the house and go pick up something in a drive through and then go eat outside in the shade somewhere. We ended up sitting in a beautiful park. I had not even taken  a bite when I felt the familiar pain of a....you got it......sting. Dread hit me like a punch to the gut. I knew what had happened and shook my leg. As I peered down I saw the stinger resting in my skin and first noticed it wasn't lodged very deep and then that red was barely starting to seep whereas usually the ring of red fire spreads immediately and grows by the second. My family saw my consternation and I told them I had been stung. Meghan went white. I assured them I had my shot but that I didn't think it had gone very deep and I didn't think it was that bad. I flicked the stinger out and immediately got in my purse and poured Benadryl into my hand, and quickly puffed 3 puffs from my inhaler. Though I knew this wasn't as serious a sting, I was starting to feel fuzzy and feint. Remember I hadn't eaten yet, either. The fuzzy was coming fast, and I knew I as going to have to act fast, because it was impairing my actions. I knew this because Meghan was across the table staring at me with a look of amusement and horrified fascination as she saw me pour the extra Benadryl not into the bottle, but into my drink. I downed the Benadryl in my hand and got my shot out-in case-and tried to stay calm. As I started to relax and focus on whether my throat was closing or not, I felt myself going into a slight fog. My first thought was, "Oh no. Here we go again. I am going to die here in a park in front of my family, and I can't put Meghan through that fear again." As quickly as that thought came it was cast out again because I was seeing something mind-boggling. The world beyond my face was fuzzy and dream-like. It was the same world with all the same things, but it had an ethereal look, and a surreal feeling to it. For a split second, I saw thousands of people-milling around and going about their business. I am not willing to put a name to what was happening...peoples' beliefs are so varied I don't want to cast any bias on this, but I felt like all these people were a representation that Heaven was aware of me, of my situation, and my family, and that it would all be okay. My view changed back to the present as quickly as it had come. I am not sure if I was given a glimpse beyond here, or if I was just reassured by that means, but it changed everything. I was not fearful any longer. 

Now there was an aftermath, and I collapsed at the top of the stairs on my living room floor where I slept for 3 hours before I got up and had to do two double breathing treatments. But I didn't care. I was just happy to be alive. I was happy for ANOTHER chance. I was happy that for awhile I didn't have to think of any issues swirling around the internet and across the news-I got to think about the grace of God, the love of people around me, and the things I still want to achieve before I am really gone. I do know that Heaven is aware. Of little ole me. I'm going forward to live as much as this world will let me, and love as hard as I can-because I can. And I am grateful. 

#dinosaursinthemud