I'm gonna be honest with you here. I am 49 years old. I have struggled immensely during my lifetime to find the right path and figure out who I am, making copious mistakes along the way. By the time I hit 49, I was feeling pretty good about Heather. She is not bad. She's made it through things that other people would wither and die from. She is generous and eager to help. She builds things up. She rallies quickly. She loves intensely, seeing the good in everyone despite their actions. She finds the pieces of the souls of others that she feels God would see in them, and focuses on those instead of the less desirable traits every human employs. Though there are times Heather is made fun of and reprimanded for this habit of looking for good, she feels that in the long run, the good outweighs the bad in these instances, and she'd rather see good in others-so that maybe they see it in her as well. She prays for that to happen. That anyone, especially the people she loves most will see the positive, compassionate, good-feeling qualities in her-so that she can make a difference. She lives for sunshine and silver linings, and yearns to be a silver lining in anyone's life.
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| Yup, that's Heather |
On a side-note here, I, Heather, have never understood the act of writing or speaking in third person. Even as an English major in college, third person writing always seemed like a literary device that is nonessential, making it irrelevant to a writer who wants to present emotion and value- therefore I have never felt the urge to use it. Writing is my only way of sorting out my emotions-and anyone that knows me knows that I don't think well on my feet. If I think of the right thing to say, it is well after the event is over, and then I doubt what I would have said anyway! Ha ha!!! But over the past 6 weeks, I understand in a very personal way why authors choose to use this literary device. Sometimes things are so painful, that if you write them or speak them as someone else, it helps to get them out in lesser utilized ways. You need a way to remove it enough from the heart to be able to convey your feelings about it, without falling apart in the process. Third person helps you step away and view a situation without the emotional entanglements that can plague the author while trying to express deep or painful subject to the reader. I am now a believer.
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| Oh! I get it now!! |
So back to Heather....after enduring the ups and downs that life has thrown at her, she was finally feeling she had reached a place where she could feel settled. A place of acceptance and peace, a place where she was comfortable with herself and who she was trying to be. A place where she was feeling security in her relationships and feeling acceptance from the people she loved. A place where she knew that the lessons she had learned had molded her into a better human.
And then the rug was pulled out from under her. Not only was it pulled out from under her...it was acquired with her in mind, set up to look beautiful, lulled her into comfort and euphoria, and then in a calculated move it was jerked so swiftly from under her feet that in one fell swoop, everything she thought she was went up like smoke, and she once again lost herself. Then she was
told who she was. She was told what her intentions were. She was told she was a divider of people and that her own beliefs were not to be shared with others. For the life of her she could not make sense of any of it. How she got here. What had happened. How she had fooled herself into thinking she might be okay, and of use to someone else's life. She's broken again. But as wounded and weary as she is, she is determined to smile to the world through it all.
I, Heather, realize that this blog is about joy. It is about silver linings and breakthroughs, triumphs of the human spirit, and uplifting messages. So I will provide them, because I refuse to give in to the darkness. In this mess I have noted many things. So in no particular order, I'm going to tell you how I feel, what I have learned, and how I am going to overcome this nightmare. I am resolute in my desire to provide light for myself and anyone who will accept it. Accept being the KEY word.
-Every human needs the chance to gain perspective. Sometimes it is very far removed from what your own perceptions are, but it is good to receive many views and move forward with as many pieces of the puzzle as you can find. I have reviewed every word over and over. I have perspective in abundance.
-Every human has things to work on to be a better person. I have located things for myself to work on. I have always been an open book, wearing my heart on my sleeve and offering it to others to wipe their tears and frustrations on. I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS have an open heart and I will NEVER, EVER stop loving. I am being a more careful person, but not changing my core.
-There will ALWAYS be people who will not accept what you have to offer. Don't stop giving just because your offers are not being received.
-Just because more than one person holds a certain view of you it doesn't mean EVERYONE holds that same view. There are people who DO know you. They have taken the time to know your heart and your intentions. Keep looking for perspective. Listen to the voices that know the real you.
-Regardless of the perceptions of others, I KNOW what I was sent to earth to do. I am ever certain of my task and I will carry out my charge with caution, but also with vigor.
-Even in the midst of the hardest things we endure, there are glimmers of light, tender mercies and small miracles all around us to give us hope and keep us moving....if we notice them.
-There are people all around who love you for who you are-just as you are. Surround yourself with those people while you build yourself back up. They are your miracles, your light-givers, your restoration of hope. I have mine. You know who you are. I love you. You save my life-you save my light. And I am grateful.
