Who's Listening

I try to be a good listener.  After almost 5 decades on earth I like to think I've gotten better.  But I admit I struggle sometimes.  They say the best way to listen is with intent to understand, and I agree. Most of us harbor such a need to be heard that we forget to listen to others,  much less understand them. I have "feelings" to do things for others pretty much all the time. My brain is full of them. "Call her, text him, check on them, write a letter, give a gift, stop by, make sure they are noticed, make sure they know they are appreciated, make sure they know they are loved".....so much going on all the time. I listen to many of them. But I'm the first one to admit that life gets in the way. What if I am tired or distracted, or don't feel well, or I question the origin of my thoughts-is it really something I am supposed to do or is it just a passing "Heather" thought? I have decided that if it is good, I need to do it. And I try. It is one of my missions in life. And something I come by rightly. Listening is something my mother has always done with grace and beauty. I have had a wonderful teacher and example in watching her do this my whole life. Between her and my dad, we learned often what listening can do. And as it is Memorial Day, I have to give some kudos to my dad for helping me from Heaven to hear some of those promptings a little more clearly.

Mom and Me-I call her my mini me.

Remembering his service in the Army

Angel Dad-Helping From Heaven

 

 

For the past 18 months I have been trying to hone the skill of listening....to others, to my family, to my intuition, to my heart, and to promptings about what I need to say and do. I have always thought I had this skill down quite nicely, but I have learned ....that there's always more to learn, and always room to grow. I have heard many more promptings because I have been listening intently, but there are many I have missed-or dismissed-because life has been hectic and demanding. I am always so grateful when I follow through-grateful that I can hear the prompting, and then grateful I could be of service or help wherever I was prompted to be. When I haven't followed through, I have been disappointed in myself. But as I have watched, and listened, and tried to become better, I have found that even if I have missed cues along the way, another one is sent that I DO catch on to. That makes me so grateful. I worry about missed chances. I worry about opportunities that fall to the wayside...but because I have been more vigilant, they come back around by the grace of God.  I am offered those chances again in other ways and times. I love that!

The other night I ran into one of my dear friends-one of the girls I had in Young Women's. I LOVE her! She is amazing. We had texted on Mother's Day, but the last week I kept feeling like I needed to text her and check on her. Things were crazy at work as school was winding down, so I kept telling myself I would do it later. Then I ran into her at Costco. My heart was full of joy because I hadn't seen her in person in so long, but also because she told me some news about a family member who really needed my prayers. News that I wouldn't have known if I hadn't run into her. I was so grateful that this opportunity was sent back around to me. Grateful to see her and her beautiful little family. Grateful to be in the right place on the right time. And this was after running into another one of my dearest friends just 10 minutes earlier in the front of the store. Someone I love dearly and had been needing to check in with. So I was sent to Costco at the very time I needed to be there-and good things happened. This is just one in hundreds of experiences that I have every week. And one I was so very happy to receive.

I realize that not everyone believes in the same God I do. But pretty much everyone believes in a higher power, or intuition, or something bigger than themselves. We all  have that chance to listen to whatever it is that spurs us to do better and achieve good things. My God is benevolent and doles out chance after chance-and as a puny human, but one that is HIS daughter-I am grateful. He keeps me in the loop, even if I don't catch on the first time around. The good news is that I am not the only person who can receive notions to do good. EVERYONE can. So when I can't get to it, I pray that someone else can. I pray that someone else will. And I will be grateful.

#Worthless

Could have, should have, would have. Worthless words that change absolutely nothing-yet we humans cling to those phrases like they are our lifelines. They aren't. They help nothing. They mean nothing. What's done is done. Life is short. We don't have time for that!

There's something to be said for having regret-it hopefully keeps us from repeating past mistakes...but it sure doesn't change them. And it's good to review our actions, to see where we can improve or make better decisions. But too many times, the coulda, shoulda, woulda's come and take over when in reality acceptance of what happened is the only answer. Own it, then move on. There is no control over what happened-only control over what can happen next. The next step after that is up to you. You can take what happened and learn from it, or let it happen again...and that's pretty much it. Face the storms...then move forward.



Moving on-out of the clouds and into the sun.


The older I get, and the more I learn, I realize we humans beat ourselves up over things instead of learning from them enough to move on and LIVE. That's what we are here for. Only what we learn and our experiences go with us. I have A LOT MORE LIVING to do! There are so many things I want to do-and sorting out feelings of regret over things I cannot change is a pastime I can live without. So I'm trying to get the learning done as early on as possible so I can EXPERIENCE while I am still in human form. I want to do the things that are meant to do in mortality. I want to go places. I want to be a participant in the human experience. I want to travel, I want to see, I want to love each moment.



EXPERIENCES



 

I find myself so very grateful that I get  to love moments-just normal, human, everyday things. I am so blessed that I don't have to wander around trying to find shelter from the next bomb or landmine, I don't go ravaging for daily food, or even shelter. I have a place to eat, to sleep, to work, to play, and to call my own. I know there are people with so much more than me~ and I'm okay with that.  I am grateful to be average. I'm grateful to be able to love, and be loved. I'm grateful to experience joy. I could choose to focus on the coulda shoulda wouldas, but even God has said man should have joy,  and I don't want to miss any.  Life is just too short.  So while I will continue to make utterly human mistakes,  my plan is to get the lesson learned as quickly as possible so I can enjoy the goodness in the world instead of the regrets. And I will be truly and so humbly grateful.

Oh! And for the record, if you're having a hard time letting go of the "ouldas", there's no better way to move past them than to do something for someone else.  Reaching outside of yourself to share light with others takes the spotlight off you and your past,  and puts the focus on good-for you and the person you're reaching out to.  LOVE LIKE A WARRIOR.  It's a sure bet. And you'll  be grateful too.



Negative Charge

Yesterday I  walked into a teacher's classroom. She had a word up on her white board with the definition- that word was flummoxed. It was interesting because her kids had never heard that word, but I have been feeling flummoxed for quite some time.

flummoxed: the act of being perplexed or bewildered

Yes, I am flummoxed.  I have realized that there are people all around us who actually look for reasons to be upset. People who refuse to see the good. People who take on everything-not to help someone  else, but turn it into something about themselves. There are people who look for rain instead of rainbows. There are people who see silver linings not as beauty, but as a bright light that is too much for their eyes to handle. There are people who take something bad that happened to someone else, and have to turn it into a  bad thing that they've experienced. They always have to have it worse than you do. Some people get irritated if you try to show them a bright side. They don't want perspective. They don't want to help, or receive help for that matter. They want to feel vindicated and justified in their feelings.  And they want you to agree with them.  They don't want to find any Silver Linings. They just want to enjoy their misery. Optimally, it would be nice to just let them. But letting people bask in the gloom of their own making is not the reason we are here on earth, and I have found that once someone sets off a negative charge around me- it affects me. And I don't like it. The mood changes, the energy takes a new path, the chest pains begin.  I work to resist the damaging mood, but the more I'm around it, the harder it is to resist. I don't understand why someone wouldn't just want to focus on the good, and that's just me. But it's hard on me. It affects my soul and makes my heart ache-literally.

Let me just say that there is a big difference between sharing anecdotal stories of "I’ve been there, done that" and putting gasoline on the fire of negativity. It always feels good to know you’re not going through something alone. Sharing stories of support and "I understand  what you’re going through" can be welcome-and even healing.  Dumping a "life is awful and the world is against us" attitude just makes things worse. That is why I look for good. And boy do I get it for that sometimes. I don't know if others feel guilt for not seeing it themselves, or they want someone to agree with them on all the bad, or if it is just getting harder to find goodness in this world, but feeling the constant drain of negativity sounds exhausting to me. It makes me weak me just hearing about it. Yet there is a need in every person to express...and sometimes those expressions are hard to take. Especially if they are repeatedly full of dread and darkness.  After awhile it makes it hard to find the light.

Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants a voice and for their views to have bearing in matters of importance. It is natural to want to be understood. As I wade through this life I have come to realize that there's another way to view this. While it's not wrong to want to be understood, maybe the better choice is to be  understanding. To listen with the intent to understand. To gain perspective. To entertain the thoughts and emotions of others. And to look for good. Finding good is how I survive. It is how I make it through hardships, it's how I forgive, it's how I rebound and heal. It's how I build others, it's how I find love to give, it's how I find beauty. It's how I count blessings.

 

Counting Blessings

I know that I go Pollyanna on this subject quite often, but as of late, I have had an epiphany of sorts. In wanting to be understood myself, and begging for others to see the good in me, it hit me that looking for good is more than looking for a bright side or good quality. I ask God daily to help me see the good in others, the good in situations, the good in all things. I also ask Him to help others see good in me-that it will shine from my eyes and my heart will be felt by those around me. I want very desperately to make a difference and do it right. This has been a constant pleading of mine and in a true "Come to Jesus" moment that left me gasping for breath and gulping back sobs, it struck my heart deeply that looking for good means looking for God. Yes, you read that correctly. God is good. So in looking for good, we will find Him. Wowzers! Oh how I needed this message to stand out to me. This soothed me on so many levels. It answered prayers. This gave me great comfort because if I can find good, and in doing so find God, I must be doing something right. And I am grateful.