Ace in the Hole

If you know me personally, you know about my "Father Saga". If you don't know me, let me put it in a nutshell. For years now (but especially the last 3 years) my dad has made a habit of trying to die.  Often. And not because he is wanting to, but his body fails on him repeatedly. My dad is in kidney failure and on dialysis. He is literally on "the brink of death" about every 6 weeks. He has pneumonia, or he is in congestive heart failure, or he has gone septic (definition: Sepsis occurs when chemicals released in the bloodstream to fight an infection trigger inflammation throughout the body. This can cause a cascade of changes that damage multiple organ systems, leading them to fail, sometimes even resulting in death.) There is always some variation on my dad's latest "death moves", but it gets old-for him, and everyone who loves him. This is the pattern: Dad is in the ER, then is moved into the ICU. His life is at stake. The word is spread, people start praying, and my dad makes truly biblical miraculous recoveries. He has cried wolf more than Peter! I am grateful beyond expression that my dad is still with us, especially after this last 2 week series of death threats, but the emotional roller coaster that this takes my family and me on is absolutely staggering.

Meg and I at McKay Dee Hospital after a sobering day with dad.

I do not like this place. Wonderful people. Lots of emotions.



My poor little dad after dialysis. He now

weighs less than me. He was freezing!

My dad gets more kind and humble with every episode. And he has always been those things anyway. He is so grateful to all the wonderful people who help to save and sustain his life. He is good at enduring. I wish he didn't have to. My mom runs around like a little pint-sized runway model, looking fresh as a daisy and spouting fountains of faith and kindness. As far as I'm concerned, she has earned her nursing degree!

Last spring after a round of the game "trying to die with dad".

I on the other hand go into anxiety mode for a bit. While this is an automatic reaction for me, I don't stay in anxiety mode for long. I rally quickly. I may be blue for a minute (or two, maybe a little more) but I gather myself quickly and move forward. It is almost  funny when people ask me how my dad is doing. You just never know. He has outwitted the grim reaper so many times I feel like people think I just make this stuff up. I am able to talk with a smile no matter what is happening to my dad because. A) He makes me happy, B) I came equipped with no small amount of faith (probably not nearly as much as my mom, but enough to make it) and C) I have an Ace in the Hole. I HAVE MY PEEPS. My people are my Ace in the Hole. People who love me, who love my family, who rally around me in a multitude of ways. Through phone calls and texts, prayers and letters, lighting a candle at Mass, putting my family on prayer rolls, saying I love you, and just generally being a person in my life. Whether they are here physically or not, able to help directly or not, by just being in my life, you make a difference. I have had people offer to bring in meals, teach for me at church, tell me they will cover me at work, offer to drive my mom to different hospitals, and offer their homes and belongings. I have also had people message me and say "I'm thinking of you." or "Your parents meant so much to me when they were my Sunday School teachers".  It all means the world. Every thought, every action. Thank you. Thank you for being part of me. I love you. I don't know what I would do without you. You change my life and make it better. I hope I repay you in any small way. I am grateful.



Me and my Meg and my blue streak. Thanks to my peeps for loving my streak along with me.

And PS-my dad highly approves the blue streak! He made me promise I'd say that!

Dinner last night with mom and dad. Yes, he rose again. Until next time, Grim Reaper!