Life Through Paisley Glasses: October 2021

Before I get in to the WHY, I have to tell you I have struggled with writing lately. I LOVE to write. It's one thing I am fairly good at and a pretty sure way of expressing myself well. I have time to think about it and don't have to come up with answers on the fly. For the most part, I do not think well on my feet. On rare occasions (Meghan says it's when my filter is off) I can be funny or have ready answers and even intelligent ones. I am a thinker, though, and my thoughts come out better in written form than spoken. Now I am aware that it has been awhile since I have penned anything. I knew it had been a long while, but it's been since JULY! Rarely, except during the darkest days of my life, have I gone that long without writing. It has been far too long. And I am sorry. I get asked regularly if I am still blogging, still here, still sharing. I have been planning to-over and over again. I just haven't been able to.

Fear of putting forth my opinions or even thoughts has been a reason. Having my mind bent by the events of the world is another. And dang it all, even a lack of self esteem has stopped me at times. I mean, I blog to 1-Express and identify my feelings while sorting them out and working through them, and 2-to touch a heart....any heart...with my feelings and experiences. To show people they aren't alone. But I'm just one girl in a small town in Utah with nothing but my meanderings through life and the weight of loving the world on my shoulders. What could I have to offer-especially when the world is so judgmental, divided, scary and unsure? In my feeble mind-not much. But that leads me right to the title, and there's where I have a change of mind and heart, and get back to the duty I have been charged with since before birth. And thus I begin.

One of my all time favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite movies.

I was sitting in a meeting one day, and a young man spoke about his WHY. Why he does what he does. The reasons for his efforts, his reason for being, and for having the specific aspirations and goals that he does at this time of his life. It struck a chord, but when the meeting was over, life took the reins and led me off in a thousand different directions. Oh I thought about it here and there, but life is pretty intense right now, so my focus doesn't always last.

Not a week later, I was flipping through television channels, and I heard that phrase again, "My why." Coincidence? Maybe so, but I gave longer pause to it this time. What is MY why? I know many things I am supposed to accomplish in this life, and if you know me, LOVING is at the top of the list. But I felt there was more to explore.

With that on the back burner simmering away, I got through one of the most physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting weeks of my life. I made it it one piece-and then on Friday afternoon, guess what? I had tickets to a concert in a town an hour away. I honestly didn't know if I had the capacity to do it. But the chance to spend time with my daughter and my craving for "all things normal" won out and we headed out for an adventure.

We got there safely, waited in a line for a half an hour on a very pleasant night, and headed in for the music. I was a little edgy but as the band came out, the energy, positivity, and emotions of a band who was SO GRATEFUL to be performing live again overtook me, and the night turned into a magical ride. One I didn't know I needed. IT WAS PHENOMENAL. And in the middle of all the music, the lead singer had a talk with us. He expressed how grateful he was to be out with is band, to be performing, to be expressing himself, and even broke down for several minutes. He then told us that we, his fans, his outlet to express, are his why. His music is amazing, energizing, soulful, fun, real and emotional. That in itself was enough for me, but to be talked to in that way by someone I admire was very touching and personal. It was humbling, and thought provoking as well. This "why" keeps popping up in my life, and I am starting to recognize it's time to state my why.

My WHY is my people. All of my people. I am here to be a light. To comfort, support, to tend and protect. To uplift, share burdens, see strength, and share warmth. To nurture, not judge, be a soul lifter, and a shoulder to cry on. To do for you what you can't do-to see in you what you can't see yourself, to give you a glimpse of what God must see in you. To point out the positive, help you reassess the bad, and make lemonade out of the lemons in your life. To be your friend, your mentor, your secret keeper and helper. I am here to show EVERY soul I meet the good inside each of them. To encourage them to nurture those good things, and help them know how to pay it forward. I am here to understand. I am here to listen. I am here with an open heart, yet the things that are told to me, I keep very close to my heart. I am a tender of hearts, a keeper of souls, a seer of good, a cheerleader of all. And I love it. I love having this charge as though by God Himself. I'm here to find the good, encourage the good, show the good, and help others find good. And YES! through love, because it is the real way. To have this calling is a great joy. AM I perfect in this? Absolutely not. Does everyone accept my offering and feel better because I have been a small part in their lives? Not as often as one would hope. Some people are not ready to accept the love others have to give. But I believe at some point it makes a difference. Do I fall myself? ALL THE TIME. Do I get tired? Undoubtedly and often. But I DO have the will and the propensity to rally quickly and keep going. So, YES! I have my why, and I am grateful.