The One Where She Got the Wrong Holiday

Yes! I know. Of course I, of ALL people in the world, know that the Christmas Season is upon us! And I am joyful. I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR!  I  look forward to it all year. I plan for it.  I love the lights, the feeling, the goodwill, the decorations, giving gifts, feeling cozy, celebrating life, honoring ancestors, and the story of a babe who would save the world with His love. Yes, Christmas is part of my heart. From Thanksgiving to New Years I revel in the potential hope that the world can experience all these joys if we can just grab those feelings and hold onto them. I try to hold onto them for the livelong year, but they are most present when the world comes together to perpetuate the hope as one. At Christmas. 

The past few years have been hard for all. Many trials are plaguing everyone I know. I've had my own set of them. Yet I am grateful for my life and the blessings in it. I've been thinking about that alot. Even as more problems crop up. The last month has felt like a dream. Not necessarily good or bad, but there has been a dream like quality about all of it-it's going too fast, and it's throwing grenades at me, but lots of good things too. I search the world and every situation for any silver lining it can give. I have had to really reach some days. But I find it. 

I (and many others) went through a very harrowing day on Friday-many factors compounded it exponentially-and yet the only thing I could think of was how grateful I was for all the blessings, tender mercies, and miracles I have received throughout this difficlut time frame. So now I find myself urged to list just a small sampling of some  things I am grateful for-especially at this point in time. While it is traditional to list all of this during the month of Thanksgiving, I find myself drawn to do so during the season of Christmas and giving; which amazingly enough goes hand in hand with giving thanks anyway! So I will begin.

I'm grateful for this time of year. The opportunity for reflection, goodness and cheer are such a gift to me. I love it that we can unite in one purpose of spreading love and light. 

I'm grateful for such a wonderful job, with wonderful people-parents, co-workers, and children alike. I find value and purpose in every day.

That being said, I am grateful for the team I work with, who will help out, fill in, and kindly go about their day no matter who is helping or available. It feels good to know we will always make it work, even if it is crazy and exhausting at the end of the day. My people are golden. 

I'm grateful for snow. That we are getting the water we need. I 'm grateful for snow plow drivers and the lengths they go to to try to keep us safe. 

I'm grateful for all those near misses that we are miraculously saved from, and for angels that stopped a Mustang in a full diagonal slide just 5 feet away from the car it was careening toward. I'm grateful for the snowtires that got me as far as they did before the slide. I'm grateful the Mustang is in one piece, the car I was headed toward is in one piece, and that despite many falls, white knuckled,  hair raising crashes, slides, and demolition, all of us walked away from the off roads and pile-ups. 

I'm grateful for kind people who offer assistance on their day off, friendly smiles and jokes to ease the anxiety, and people who stay until everyone is safe and the job is done. And the group of highschoolers that took a bad experience and turned it into acts of service-helping everyone around them and bringing warmth to a cold event.

I'm grateful for 4 wheel drive and snow tires and an incredible husband who left work to traipse through the treachery to save me after a couple of hours sitting frozen in my car, terrified that it would slide the few more feet and collide with the other car if I moved a muscle. I'm grateful for the skillful way he drove backwards out of the spin out I was in after the sand and salt had melted the ice enough to do so. I cried all the way home, driving his truck while he drove the Mustang to safety in the garage. And though I hate to admit it, I was grateful the officers wouldn't let anyone back down the hill, so I could sit and let the relief wash over me and the tears run out of me! 

I'm grateful that when I woke up with an eye full of blood earlier in the week, I had help and a short response time from my doctor. I'm thankful for all the little kiddos at shool who worried about about Miss Heather and wanted to make sure I was okay.....and that I wasn't turning into a zombie!!! I am also gratful that when my blood pressure went up and made my eye bleed more from being in that stressful mess, the medical professionals that I trust were once again there to help me. Add to that my chiropractor, Scott Skaggs, and I was helped in all the areas I was hurting. 

Sorry-grossness alert. I have a hematoma in my eye
and have no idea how I got it. It shifts and changes
but hasn't gone away-YET.

I am grateful for Christmas lights. Heck. I am grateful for light. It fascinates me. I love eveything from the sun to the moon and stars, to a candle flame, to thousands of tiny Christmas lights that warm the heart and soul. They spark something in my psyche that makes me glow myself, and want to share that warmth with others.

Lights in the tree and gazebo.

I'm grateful for the kindnesses I am shown. FOR MY FRIENDS. Near and far, old and new, ones I just met, and some that I have known forever. From those who check on me to those who make me cards, to those who find a dime in the parking lot and know they need to give it to me, to anonymous angels  that littered my porch and stairway and driveway with dimes....for two days! Little did they know how desperately I would need them in this crazy week. They made a monumental difference in how I viewed my week-mishaps and all. I am ever so grateful for the wonders that occur in my life. The people I know, the opportunities that come my way, my ability to see silver linings and rally, and for the people that help me do that.

Oh I could go on. So many things. So many gems in my life. So much good. So much to give thanks for. So maybe I got the wrong holiday, but I have always insisted that Thanksgiving and Christmas are very complimentary to each other, and I am grateful. 

The WHY

Before I get in to the WHY, I have to tell you I have struggled with writing lately. I LOVE to write. It's one thing I am fairly good at and a pretty sure way of expressing myself well. I have time to think about it and don't have to come up with answers on the fly. For the most part, I do not think well on my feet. On rare occasions (Meghan says it's when my filter is off) I can be funny or have ready answers and even intelligent ones. I am a thinker, though, and my thoughts come out better in written form than spoken. Now I am aware that it has been awhile since I have penned anything. I knew it had been a long while, but it's been since JULY! Rarely, except during the darkest days of my life, have I gone that long without writing. It has been far too long. And I am sorry. I get asked regularly if I am still blogging, still here, still sharing. I have been planning to-over and over again. I just haven't been able to. 

Fear of putting forth my opinions or even thoughts has been a reason. Having my mind bent by the events of the world is another. And dang it all, even a lack of self esteem has stopped me at times. I mean, I blog to 1-Express and identify my feelings while sorting them out and working through them, and 2-to touch a heart....any heart...with my feelings and experiences. To show people they aren't alone.  But I'm just one girl in a small town in Utah with nothing but my meanderings through life and the weight of loving the world on my shoulders. What could I have to offer-especially when the world is so judgmental, divided, scary and unsure? In my feeble mind-not much. But that leads me right to the title, and there's where I have a change of mind and heart, and get back to the duty I have been charged with since before birth. And thus I begin.

One of my all time favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite movies.

I was sitting in a meeting one day, and a young man spoke about his WHY. Why he does what he does. The reasons for his efforts, his reason for being, and for having the specific aspirations and goals that he does at this time of his life. It struck a chord, but when the meeting was over, life took the reins and led me off in a thousand different directions. Oh I thought about it here and there, but life is pretty intense right now, so my focus doesn't always last. 

Not a week later, I was flipping through television channels, and I heard that phrase again, "My why." Coincidence? Maybe so, but I gave longer pause to it this time. What is MY why? I know many things I am supposed to accomplish in this life, and if you know me, LOVING is at the top of the list. But I felt there was more to explore. 

With that on the back burner simmering away, I got through one of the most physically, mentally, emotionally exhausting weeks of my life. I made it it one piece-and then on Friday afternoon, guess what? I had tickets to a concert in a town an hour away. I honestly didn't know if I had the capacity to do it. But the chance to spend time with my daughter and my craving for "all things normal" won out and we headed out for an adventure. 

We got there safely, waited in a line for a half an hour on a very pleasant night, and headed in for the music. I was a little edgy but as the band came out, the energy, positivity, and emotions of a band who was SO GRATEFUL to be performing live again overtook me, and the night turned into a magical ride. One I didn't know I needed. IT WAS PHENOMENAL. And in the middle of all the music, the lead singer had a talk with us. He expressed how grateful he was to be out with is band, to be performing, to be expressing himself, and even broke down for several minutes. He then told us that we, his fans, his outlet to express, are his why. His music is amazing, energizing, soulful, fun, real and emotional. That in itself was enough for me, but to be talked to in that way by someone I admire was very touching and personal. It was humbling, and thought provoking as well. This "why" keeps popping up in my life, and I am starting to recognize it's time to state my why.

My WHY is my people. All of my people. I am here to be a light. To comfort, support, to tend and protect. To uplift, share burdens, see strength, and share warmth. To nurture, not judge, be a soul lifter, and a shoulder to cry on. To do for you what you can't do-to see in you what you can't see yourself, to give you a glimpse of what God must see in you. To point out the positive, help you reassess the bad, and make lemonade out of the lemons in your life. To be your friend, your mentor, your secret keeper and helper. I am here to show EVERY soul I meet the good inside each of them. To encourage them to nurture those good things, and help them know how to pay it forward. I am here to understand. I am here to listen. I am here with an open heart, yet the things that are told to me, I keep very close to my heart. I am a tender of hearts, a keeper of souls, a seer of good, a cheerleader of all. And I love it. I love having this charge as though by God Himself. I'm here to find the good, encourage the good, show the good, and help others find good. And YES! through love, because it is the real way. To have this calling is a great joy. AM I perfect in this? Absolutely not. Does everyone accept my offering and feel better because I have been a small part in their lives? Not as often as one would hope. Some people are not ready to accept the love others have to give. But I believe at some point it makes a difference. Do I fall myself? ALL THE TIME. Do I get tired? Undoubtedly and often. But I DO have the will and the propensity to rally quickly and keep going. So, YES! I have my why, and I am grateful.

To follow the band we saw, follow: https://www.bleachersmusic.com/

and #bleacherstour   #bleachersmusic   #bleachersontour  #jackantonoff

For some great songs: 

A Conundrum

I remember walking into my office at work one day and having my dear friend say, "Heather, you are such a conundrum!" Surprised, I asked why. " Well you walk in here with your skull shirt and blue streak with the biggest smile on your face and kindness oozing from you. It's just kind of unusual to see all that together in one person." Frankly, it was one of the best compliments I have ever received, and my friend has a wonderful way with words as well as with people. But it got me thinking. 

As I have gotten older, learned more, and hopefully matured, life looks a little more different to me all the time. Things I once thought no longer are, or I have learned enough to solidify the things I have always known. This part of me loves the aging process. For the most part, (although I don't always convey it) I am more comfortable with myself. I have figured out what life means to me, and collected reasons for those meanings along the way. So I guess I am a conundrum, but I'll try to clarify some of that here. 

So let's get the skulls out of the way first. Growing up, I didn't care for skulls, and they usually signified something scary or sad for me. I am not a fan of the morbid, but the first time my family went on a Disney Cruise, they had a pirate night we got to dress up for. It was fun to do and I acquired a few items with skulls. By the second cruise, I had bought more, and I was finding lots of fun variety. Then skulls became something much more meaningful to me. I lost my grandmother and my father within 18 months of each other. So now skulls mean two things for me. The first is that even when our loved ones are gone, I believe they still live on and skulls represent hope for me. I have a skull ring I wear every day on my thumb as a symbol of this. And if I didn't know before, I sure know now that LIFE IS SHORT, and LIFE IS PRECIOUS. I love wearing this reminder. Skulls also made me realize we are all deeper than our skin-that we all have a skull (albeit skeleton) inside and we are all the same in this way. It unites me with others. Nothing matters when the skin is gone. There's no way to tell nationality, likes, tendencies....just that there was a human in there. It's a good lesson and one that I share often. So, yes. I am a woman with warmth and love and strength and a firm belief in God, but I love skulls and what they represent to me. I have learned a lot from them. 

One of the rings I never take off.
Life is precious and this is a reminder.

One of my many skull shirts.

Not scary at all.

One of my all time favorite
filters...which is funny because masks
scare me to death. Literally.

Okay, let's take the blue streak next. I know I have discussed it before, but let's face it. It's one of my favorite topics. I have been blessed that MOST people embrace and even love the blue streak. I only wanted a streak. Not my whole head. I get compliments daily. I have had people tell me it's a great style statement, which is nice, but it is not a statement for me. It's not an act of rebellion or a cry to be unique. It is a tribute to my father. I love it. It makes me happy. I feel him near. It has become a part of me that I can't part with for the foreseeable future. There are extra perks that come with the blue streak, too. Like having the entire kindergarten call me "The Reading Fairy" when I walk in the door. Or a child saying, "I can't remember your name, but I think it's Angel." Or having kids from other schools that I have tested for reading see me in the store and say. "See, mom? That's the Reading Fairy that comes to our school!"  Or having groups of little girls congregate outside my cabin on our cruises so they can get a glimpse of where "The Mermaid" lives! It delights me! One time I had a child on my lap at church who said, "I love your blue streak, Sister Heather. Did an angel put it there?" Strictly speaking, yes, he did. In a round about way my angel dad put it there. So while it is a "wild hair" to some, my blue streak has more meaning than most people fathom. It's part of me. 

The Reading Fairy

"Angel"

I have never been one that needs possessions, although I have been blessed to have been given my share. I want enough money to meet all my needs, and to travel, but other than that, I don't need "stuff". I don't need new or fancy or bigger than or more of. I'm pretty content with what I have. But there are things I do possess that I love dearly. One of my dad's rings-it keeps him close. My Mustang-it is my freedom. My grandmother's china-she painted it. My little old house-we have worked so hard on it. My candles-they are true light. Dinosaurs-they show me the good. As for money and possessions, I am content, but there are a few material things that bring me joy. 

My dad's ring.

My blue streak of freedom.

China-hand painted by my Grandma Summers.

I am sure there are dozens more parts of me that make up the conundrum. Most of them I have embraced, and I understand that some of them I haven't even uncovered yet. It IS nice to know we all harbor some of these. It's part of what makes us unique. My only wish is that none of the things I am are ever at war with each other and that they never compromise my integrity. Above all, I want to be known as a kind, approachable, happy being who gives off light. I know this can't happen every second of every day, but I want to work towards everyday anyway. 

One last note before I finish my list-variety really is ONE of the spices of life. The unexpected can be delightful. I hope the unexpected things about me can come across that way. I sure see it in everyone around me. I love it. And to name a few more.....

I'm scared of deep or dark water, but I'm a good swimmer and LOVE Disney cruises.

Lake Powell. I have to be able to see to the bottom and not go in too far.

Cruise Day!

The Disney Dream-a true dream!

I want good to win and the bad guy to lose but I can't stand watching torture or pain.

Wonder Woman

Sweat pants, capris, or shorts are my ALL TIME favorite articles of clothing to wear. But I LOVE dressing up.

                                              

                                                            

I am a Christmas JUNKIE! I am bonkers over Christmas and Christmas Spirit. But Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. And then there's Independence Day too......

This hangs in my living room 24/7, 365 days a year.

I do not like monsters-especially the human kind. But I LOVE dinosaurs and find a deeper appreciation for them every day. 

He still scares me to this very day.

No. Just no. 

My new collectibles!
see my blog https://paisleyglasses.blogspot.com/2018/08/

And me-as a dinosaur! Awesome filter! 

Now here's a doozie. Some of my friends are bewildered by this, but I am an anxious person. I have had anxiety from the second I was born-just ask my mom. She says I came out that way. There were countless nights growing up that I would sit at the foot of my parents' bed and cry....about anything and everything. The concept of forever. Pain. Peoples' feelings. School. Friends. Unfairness. Calamities. You name it. And there weren't  any medicines parents put their kids on back then. They just listened as well as they could until they had to kindly tell me to stop worrying and tell me to go to bed. I have spent my entire life-every day-making myself be brave. Taking chances. Being social. Fighting fear. And guess what? All that has made me strong. My super power is faith. It's what carries me with love as the harbinger. So while I live scared, I AM BRAVE. 

What else? I don't like being enclosed in tight spaces but I LOVE flying.

I don't love huge crowds but I LOVE concerts! Especially with Meghan!

Outside Lands Festival in San Francisco featuring Twenty One Pilots

I love my privacy but I hate being alone. 

I am content with routines, but I love a new adventure. 

I'm scared of the dark but love middle of the night walks. 

I love zoos and aquariums but can hardly stand seeing animals in cages.

I have been told there is no God and that miracles are just coincidences. BUT I STILL FIRMLY BELIEVE. 

I have suffered at the hands of many people, but I still love with everything in me. 

I could choose to focus on the bad in the world but it's much more fulfilling for me to find the GOOD. 

I could have cleaned my house today, but I blogged, and it felt good, and I AM GRATEFUL. 

To. Be. ME.