Uncle! *@#

Uncle! Enough. I give. We give..... UNCLE!

Help....my heart is broken. Not for me, but for people all over the world who have had enough. It feels like the world is being torn to bits all in a short amount of time. From hurricane after hurricane-to earthquakes-to protests and looting....that's only the tip of the iceberg. Everyone is facing something...maybe even a lot of things. Heaven knows my family has been going through our own pile of issues-though I'm starting to think we are finally headed out the other side. Dare I say it? I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It is faint but still glimmering with hope.

There's ALWAYS hope

I have friends that are losing their homes. I have friends facing health issues. I have friends fighting against divorce and trying to keep their families together. I have friends who are raising their grandkids because the parents can't. I have friends who have lost their incomes, lost family members, and are losing hope. I'm a believer it will ALL BE OKAY. I just don't know when or how, or what we will have to get through to be okay. But there really isn't another choice. You just can't quit. Life goes on whether you're staying in the game or collapsed on the sidelines. Me? I WANT to LIVE. Not just survive. I want the blessing of being ALIVE even though some aspects of living are painful. I still want LIFE. A good life. And I'm determined to make a good life amongst the poopy stuff. Life is hard. Blessings and good things are just that- icing on the cake.

We all have stuff. Some of it is big, and some of it seems  big-especially if a lot of little stuff piles up. There are new sets of circumstances in many areas of my life right now. I feel like I'm having to adjust to a lot of newness all at once. And I don't like change. But change happens. Ironically, that is one of the few constants in life- that it changes. I have constant chest pain and continual anxiety, but at the same time I feel calm and (mostly) able. And when I look at the world around me I feel blessed. Exceedingly.

BEAUTIFUL, wonderful magical St. Maarten

I have talked of the once in a lifetime trip my family and I took last year to St. Maarten in the Caribbean. I have conveyed my love for this place and the people in it. It was beautiful. It was picturesque. It was inviting. It was paradise. It was a place where people called to you to come enjoy the day with them on their porch-not knowing you, just wanting to be friendly and hospitable. It was lovely. There was real island time there-no worries of the next errand or ball practice-just time to enjoy the people and the atmosphere and feel blessed.  I'm so very grateful for the experience we had to go there. I will never forget it. I'm grateful we went when we did.

In the last few weeks, my lovely St. Maarten (and many other beautiful places with beautiful people) took several hits-the biggest one being from Hurricane Irma. St. Maarten is all but decimated. The airport right on Maho Beach, where we stood under a 747 landing is not usable. People are homeless, without food, water, and most of what they owned. I realize there are people all over the world so adversely affected by destruction and loss. I feel for all of them. But I left part of my heart in St. Maarten. That island is a now a part of me. I am mourning the loss of so much- the lives, the beauty, the way of life there. I want to go rescue them. I hurt for them. I am ill. But what I feel most is shame over the things that I complain of-the things I see as problems. Let me be clear-I am not discounting anyone's problems. We all have different ones and they are important to us for different reasons. But so much of what I hear around me is complaint of something not being one way or another, or someone not doing or saying what we thought they should, or a situation going different than the way we pictured it. I am as guilty as the next person. I'm feeling an urgent need to stop and check myself. I'm feeling humbled. I'm feeling grateful for what I do have.

Before the hurricane



After

 



Yup. I'm grateful. For a roof over my head, water, food, family, a job... for my set of problems. I have hope of rebuilding and hope of strength for these people. I have hope of them coming together to reclaim and restore. I pray for the people who are doing without. Not just during hurricanes or earthquakes, but always. I beg God to be merciful, and to provide, and to help me to know when I need to provide. I do see hope. I can find it anywhere, even in the darkest of times and in all the shambles. I have enough to share with others. And I am grateful.