So it was one of those days where I did not want to get out of bed. I did not want to face my day. I did not want to experience stress. I did not want to hear/see any negative news /facebook posts or comments.
After facing all the obstacles in my day, I can confidently say I should have listened to myself and just stayed there! My day would actually be comical, if it weren't for the fact that I went through it.
That being said, I have experienced many tender mercies and seen miracles all day long. I readily admit that I am reaching for any miracle. Anygood thing today. But because I'm looking, I am finding them. I got a sweet, uplifting, and extremely timely text. I received e-mails from wonderful people who are and have been part of my life. I got good deals on clearance items I needed in the store. I heard my favorite song as I pulled in the parking lot to work this morning. These seem like small things, little tender mercies afforded to me, but they impacted my day in positive ways and helped me get through it.
Some of them were huge, though, and left me weak in the knees with relief and gratitude. Like Cassie's car just quitting while she was turning a corner-being so grateful she was up in our quiet neighborhood instead of out on the freeway or up on campus! Or having my (very) sick father live through another day. And finding out my sweet mother-in-law has half the state praying for him. You got it. Mind bending, heaven-thanking miracles. Good stuff.
My point is to hold on. Hold on and believe there's something good around every corner. And if it's not the corner in front of you, it will be the next one, or even the next one. But there's still great stuff happening. Especially if you're searching for it. Better yet, go make great stuff happen for someone else. Yup. Hold on!
For all my bravado in being a cheerleader for joy, I am a nervous person with doubts that flood my mind continually. I don't want to be that way. I talk positive to build my confidence and have it rub off into my thought process. I have made progress, but it is a never ending job to keep things on the upside. One of the benefits of noticing the joy and the blessings is that I doubt myself less and see my worth more.
I have felt quite good about the progress I have been making in life-on almost every level. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I feel like I'm being productive, keeping my mind active, my friends loved and my goals met. At the height of my feeling good about myself and the advances I feel I've been making, I was kindly reminded of everything I am NOT doing. The intention of the reminder was very good. I was reminded with love, but it stung nonetheless. Almost to the point of me deciding to give up-if all I have been working on was not going to get me where I need to be, why try? The answer came in two ways.
The first answer came from here:
Yup, you guessed it-my very wise, kind, wonderful, amazing husband Chad settled me right down and pointed out that progress IS progress. And I need to celebrate it. So I am.
The next answer came from here:
As I sat in church last week I was looking around at all my beautiful Young Women in my ward. I know that each of them go through things. I know that sometimes they are as hard on themselves as I am on myself. I sat there thinking that Christ sees in them more possibilities and goodness than they can fathom, and that it must hurt Him sometimes how hard they are on themselves when He knows who they are. All of a sudden it hit me that I need to walk the walk. I need to see the good in me. I need to quit beating myself up when I'm not perfect. I need to be an example to keep believing and I need to KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I love the blessing of insight that I get every once in a blue moon. I see. Don't stop believing.
Experiences, education, and memories are some of the few things we get to keep with us wherever we are. I sometimes feel frantic about not having enough of these things stored away. When I stop and breathe for a minute I realize I have a lifetime of all of them. But I also realize I want more. Not more stuff. More life lived.
For years I have been needing to make a bucket list. I hear of things that sound intriguing or amazing and make a mental note to put it on my bucket list, but things never make it much further than that. Just tonight I said to Chad, "I want to see the Northern Lights someday. It's on my bucket list. Oh, and do you remember what it was last week I said I needed to put on my list?" Of course he didn't and I'll have to look through my mental rolodex for that one, but I am going to fix that problem here and now. I am starting my bucket list.
Here goes. It's just the beginning.
See The Northern Lights
Visit a real castle
Take my family to see Niagra Falls ( I went as a child)
Watch planes land on Maho Beach
I want to be this close to Shamu-through glass of course...
